After a relatively long dry spell, I'm writing my second blog in three days. I love it when my mind is working overtime like this. I've been thinking about a lot of things, so I'm just going to write them down and see what happens. And sadly it gets political. Sorry.
-Driving back from class tonight, Jars of Clay's cover of Rich Mullins' "If I Stand" came on my iPod. I absolutely love this song. Rich Mullins had to have been one of the most gifted songwriters ever and I'm sad he's no longer with us. That song is so incredible - if you don't know it, listen to it. Reflect upon it. It's seriously good stuff.
-The weather is finally changing. To me, this means a lot of things, but one of my favorite things it means is basketball season is upon us! Sadly, my white boy 6'3" center skills did not lead to any post high school playing time (or actual high school playing time), but the love for the game has never left me. And about this time I start to get nostalgic and just downright ready to watch college hoops.
-Tomorrow is an election day. I never know what to think on days like this as far as who to vote for and why or anything like that, but I do have a few thoughts to offer up:
1. This time it takes on a whole new meaning. I have two very close friends, one who recently finished basic training for the National Guard and another who just left for basic training for the Marine Corps, who are now involved with the armed forces. I've never really been in that situation before - I've never even really had family members who have served (since I've been alive - several of my great uncles and my grandfathers served in WWII) so basic freedoms like that are maybe starting to take on a new meaning. I've never really been too keen on voting, to tell the truth, because it seems like the choices are always either terrible or the same (or both). But now, I guess it does take on a new meaning.
2. Please keep in mind whoever you vote for isn't perfect. They're going to make mistakes, they're going to drop the ball on some issues...it's just how it works.
3. Ask hard questions. I really do get frustrated when, in the midst of a war, crazy economic times, and bills like the health care bill are being pushed on us, politicians talk about things that aren't important. We're in a time when we need difficult answers and honesty and not pandering to the religious or patriotic or things like that.
4. Don't be afraid to do what you think is right - I think we live in such a polarized time that we get so worked up against good ideas just because they come from the wrong side and we miss out.
So, if you're going to vote, do it intelligently. Don't vote Republican or Democrat just because it's what you've always done. We live in a time when information is available literally everywhere so there's no reason to not be informed.
-I'M GOING TO SEE THE AVETT BROTHERS ON NEW YEAR'S EVE IN NORTH CAROLINA!!!!!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!! (I'm a tad bit excited about that piece...)
-Lately I've been listening to a lot of:
1. Mumford & Sons - Sigh No More
2. Lecrae - Rehab
3. MXPX - all of it
4. The Avett Brothers - again, all of it
5. Joshua Radin - he's good. Listen to him.
-Finally, in just thinking about life in general, stuff's good. I have to ask myself, in the midst of all of this, what is God teaching me? He's obviously keeping certain things out of my life right now for a reason, or reasons - everything happens for a reason - but what is it/are they? Last Tuesday during Bible study I came across a couple of passages - both in Luke.
1. Luke 9:23-27 - this is the "take up your cross daily" passage, and I've been thinking a lot about what that looks like in my own life. At this point, I'm not 100% sure. It's something I'm praying a lot about, but it'd be much easier if somebody just wrote down the instructions and handed them all out to us - but then again, that would take the fun out of life!
2. Luke 10:17-20 - this is an interesting passage. Jesus commissioned 72 people to go out and preach and cast out demons, and they did. In verses 17-20, we see the story of them returning and they are pretty stoked about casting out demons, but Jesus tells them not to rejoice in that, but to rejoice in the fact that their names are written in the book of life! That really stood out to me - a lot of times we rejoice in our own successes, whether "spiritual" or not, but the thing we are to rejoice in, just as Jesus told the 72, is our salvation! And I got to thinking about that - that's true joy. Even in spite of great things or awful things happening, our joy is in the Lord and what he did for us on the cross. It really puts things into perspective.
So that's it. Just a pretty random assortment of thoughts, but I didn't want to let any of them get away. So there they are.
<3 chanchan
Monday, November 1, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
What Changed?
As I sit here reflecting on a great night, I have to ask myself - what changed? Anybody who really knew me knew how miserable I was in Oxford, especially the last 6 months I was there. I even had a hard time coming back for basketball games during the winter, and I LOVE basketball. I had a countdown clock literally counting down the minutes until I got to move home, and I couldn't even wait to get home on basketball weekends after visiting.
On top of that, this football season has been pretty miserable. So why am I sitting here, in Oxford, ridiculously happy? Being in the Grove today, going to the game, going to the Square after the game...it's just good. I got to see all kinds of people - college friends, grown friends, friends from back home, and I got a great chance to talk about what God is doing in my life right now and how ridiculously good he is even when I don't deserve it. Now, instead of "man, I can't wait to get home" I'm thinking "man, I wish I could stay a few extra days!" Why? What changed?
I really have no idea.
I just know my spirit is completely renewed. I'm still not where I need to be, but I can feel my heart changing. The shift from being a "believer" to being a "disciple" is beginning (I hope and think) and some things in scripture and in school are starting to make sense in ways that they never really have before. So maybe it's just being in a better place with God right now, but whatever this change is, I like it.
Oh, and Happy Halloween. Enjoy the day. It's a fun one.
<3 chanchan
On top of that, this football season has been pretty miserable. So why am I sitting here, in Oxford, ridiculously happy? Being in the Grove today, going to the game, going to the Square after the game...it's just good. I got to see all kinds of people - college friends, grown friends, friends from back home, and I got a great chance to talk about what God is doing in my life right now and how ridiculously good he is even when I don't deserve it. Now, instead of "man, I can't wait to get home" I'm thinking "man, I wish I could stay a few extra days!" Why? What changed?
I really have no idea.
I just know my spirit is completely renewed. I'm still not where I need to be, but I can feel my heart changing. The shift from being a "believer" to being a "disciple" is beginning (I hope and think) and some things in scripture and in school are starting to make sense in ways that they never really have before. So maybe it's just being in a better place with God right now, but whatever this change is, I like it.
Oh, and Happy Halloween. Enjoy the day. It's a fun one.
<3 chanchan
Monday, October 4, 2010
Confidence
Lately, God has been working on my heart in a number of ways. He's shown me some things I'm good at, shown me some things I suck at, told me NO rather emphatically on something I had gotten my hopes up for, and allowed me to be perfectly and totally content for no apparent reason. One of these things struck me in a sermon from two weeks ago, the evening service at Crossgates Baptist Church on September 26th.
I'm not a Greek scholar by any stretch (my Greek I average is pretty solid proof of that) but when it comes to the Bible I've always been pretty interested in what the original text said. That Sunday night, pastor Jett preached on Hebrews 4:16, which reads "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Pastor Jett then said something about the Greek word used in that sentence, which turned out to be "parresia." The word (I'm not exactly sure how write it in Greek on here, so that's the best I can do for right now...) is a combination of the two words "pas"and "rhesis", which mean all and speech, act of speaking. That's actually completely different than what I expected the word confidence to mean, which in English means "the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust" and even that definition is not what I expected it to be.
What do you think of when you hear the word confidence? For whatever reason, I've always associated it with the self. For example, I have confidence in myself to go and make an A on a test or I used to have confidence in myself to be a pretty decent basketball player or I'm confident in my own personality so I can get a date with a girl. (For those that know me, those are three totally ridiculous examples!) But confidence to me has always been about me. Which is really weak because not a single one of us has anything to be confident about in and of ourselves. Which is exactly where the word started to mess with me.
I mean, I think about the things I have confidence in - I have confidence in my car to get me from point A to point B. I have confidence in my friends to show up and do what they say they are going to do. I have confidence in my hands when I play guitar. I have confidence in any number of things, unfortunately, all of those things are really not worth being confident in. My car breaks down. My friends sometimes bail. I'm not really that good at guitar. So, really and truly the only thing we can be confident in is Jesus Christ, because he's the only person that has ever walked the face of this earth and not let people down.
But I feel like the "confidence" cited in Hebrews 4:16 is a different kind of confidence. As I mentioned earlier, it literally means "all speech." So we, as believers, have an audience before the God and creator of the universe, and can approach his throne in all confidence. How ridiculous is that? Think about the Old Testament for a second. When the high priest went before God on the day of atonement, he had to make sure everything was just perfect before entering the Holy of Holies, and even in that, he had to tie a rope around his waist in case something were to go wrong and he were to die in the presence of God. It's not that God wanted to try to kill anyone or anything like that, but because of His holiness, things had to be a certain way. However, you and I as believers have that confidence.
The question becomes why? Why do we have that kind of confidence to go before the throne of grace? Well, the question is answered before we even get to Hebrews 4:16. In verses 14 and 15, Paul explains that we have that high priest who has passed through - Jesus Christ. And the coolest thing is verse 15 - "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." So our confidence comes not only in Christ's blood, that he has atoned for our sins, but because he can totally relate to us in every way. He put aside his glory (just as the high priest put aside his elaborate garments to enter the Holy place) to come to earth and live amongst us.
Think about it this way, though. Back in those days, if a person was granted an audience before a person of power, they really didn't have that kind of confidence. He'd never know if the authority figure were in a bad mood or was just an evil person or couldn't relate or whatever. So, he could technically say whatever he wanted, but the authority figure could order his head cut off or his family killed or something crazy like that. But that's not how it is with our heavenly father. If we belong to him, we have that confidence! We can speak our minds because we have a high priest who relates to us in every way, yet still is perfect. Yet still came to earth, died on the cross, defeated death, and rose again.
There's a lot more to it than this, obviously, but reading the commentary I read (you can read it here) those were the things that stood out to me. It's a little bit more jumbled and rambling that I had hoped, but I just thought the word and the concept in general were both pretty cool.
-chandler
I'm not a Greek scholar by any stretch (my Greek I average is pretty solid proof of that) but when it comes to the Bible I've always been pretty interested in what the original text said. That Sunday night, pastor Jett preached on Hebrews 4:16, which reads "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Pastor Jett then said something about the Greek word used in that sentence, which turned out to be "parresia." The word (I'm not exactly sure how write it in Greek on here, so that's the best I can do for right now...) is a combination of the two words "pas"and "rhesis", which mean all and speech, act of speaking. That's actually completely different than what I expected the word confidence to mean, which in English means "the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust" and even that definition is not what I expected it to be.
What do you think of when you hear the word confidence? For whatever reason, I've always associated it with the self. For example, I have confidence in myself to go and make an A on a test or I used to have confidence in myself to be a pretty decent basketball player or I'm confident in my own personality so I can get a date with a girl. (For those that know me, those are three totally ridiculous examples!) But confidence to me has always been about me. Which is really weak because not a single one of us has anything to be confident about in and of ourselves. Which is exactly where the word started to mess with me.
I mean, I think about the things I have confidence in - I have confidence in my car to get me from point A to point B. I have confidence in my friends to show up and do what they say they are going to do. I have confidence in my hands when I play guitar. I have confidence in any number of things, unfortunately, all of those things are really not worth being confident in. My car breaks down. My friends sometimes bail. I'm not really that good at guitar. So, really and truly the only thing we can be confident in is Jesus Christ, because he's the only person that has ever walked the face of this earth and not let people down.
But I feel like the "confidence" cited in Hebrews 4:16 is a different kind of confidence. As I mentioned earlier, it literally means "all speech." So we, as believers, have an audience before the God and creator of the universe, and can approach his throne in all confidence. How ridiculous is that? Think about the Old Testament for a second. When the high priest went before God on the day of atonement, he had to make sure everything was just perfect before entering the Holy of Holies, and even in that, he had to tie a rope around his waist in case something were to go wrong and he were to die in the presence of God. It's not that God wanted to try to kill anyone or anything like that, but because of His holiness, things had to be a certain way. However, you and I as believers have that confidence.
The question becomes why? Why do we have that kind of confidence to go before the throne of grace? Well, the question is answered before we even get to Hebrews 4:16. In verses 14 and 15, Paul explains that we have that high priest who has passed through - Jesus Christ. And the coolest thing is verse 15 - "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." So our confidence comes not only in Christ's blood, that he has atoned for our sins, but because he can totally relate to us in every way. He put aside his glory (just as the high priest put aside his elaborate garments to enter the Holy place) to come to earth and live amongst us.
Think about it this way, though. Back in those days, if a person was granted an audience before a person of power, they really didn't have that kind of confidence. He'd never know if the authority figure were in a bad mood or was just an evil person or couldn't relate or whatever. So, he could technically say whatever he wanted, but the authority figure could order his head cut off or his family killed or something crazy like that. But that's not how it is with our heavenly father. If we belong to him, we have that confidence! We can speak our minds because we have a high priest who relates to us in every way, yet still is perfect. Yet still came to earth, died on the cross, defeated death, and rose again.
There's a lot more to it than this, obviously, but reading the commentary I read (you can read it here) those were the things that stood out to me. It's a little bit more jumbled and rambling that I had hoped, but I just thought the word and the concept in general were both pretty cool.
-chandler
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
My Statement of Faith
I had to write this for a job I applied for, and I feel like it's an important thing everyone should do. I'm actually a bit sad that it took me 25 years to do it. These are just the basics.
Statement of Faith
Chandler Rowlen
I believe in the triune God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Each are separate entities, equal in power, yet distinct in their ministries. All three are co-eternal, none has a beginning nor an end.
I believe in God, the creator of everything. He is my heavenly Father, who has called me according to His purposes. He created the earth and man in His own image, perfect and in communion with Him. Man sinned, and through man sin entered the world, rendering all of mankind spiritually dead and helpless in that state, unable to contribute anything to salvation.
I believe God the Father sent Jesus Christ his son, who was both fully man and fully God, to redeem mankind by his sacrificial death upon the cross. He rose again on the third day so that not only would our sin be atoned for, but we would have everlasting life in Christ. His death was not exemplary, rather, it was sacrificial and necessary to atone for the sin of man. Just as sin entered the world through one man, so did life through Christ.
I believe God the Father sent the Holy Spirit to convict and guide His people in life. He is our guide and helper.
I believe in the Bible as God’s infallible word. It is divinely inspired and is the authority for doctrine, theology, and faith. It also serves as an example for how to live a Christian life.
I believe in the local church as a local body of believers seeking the will of Christ both in their personal lives and for the life of their community.
Statement of Faith
Chandler Rowlen
I believe in the triune God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Each are separate entities, equal in power, yet distinct in their ministries. All three are co-eternal, none has a beginning nor an end.
I believe in God, the creator of everything. He is my heavenly Father, who has called me according to His purposes. He created the earth and man in His own image, perfect and in communion with Him. Man sinned, and through man sin entered the world, rendering all of mankind spiritually dead and helpless in that state, unable to contribute anything to salvation.
I believe God the Father sent Jesus Christ his son, who was both fully man and fully God, to redeem mankind by his sacrificial death upon the cross. He rose again on the third day so that not only would our sin be atoned for, but we would have everlasting life in Christ. His death was not exemplary, rather, it was sacrificial and necessary to atone for the sin of man. Just as sin entered the world through one man, so did life through Christ.
I believe God the Father sent the Holy Spirit to convict and guide His people in life. He is our guide and helper.
I believe in the Bible as God’s infallible word. It is divinely inspired and is the authority for doctrine, theology, and faith. It also serves as an example for how to live a Christian life.
I believe in the local church as a local body of believers seeking the will of Christ both in their personal lives and for the life of their community.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
The Lining is...Silver?
I'm moody. Anybody who truly knows me knows this. Maybe you do really know me and I've managed to hide it from you. Maybe you don't know me. Maybe we just haven't been friends long enough for you to notice. But it's true - I'm moody. And I never know when I'm going to be moody. So there's my startling (not really) confession for the day.
Part of being moody is being frustrated, and I am REALLY good at being frustrated. Really good at it. And I'm also really good at not being able to deal with it. It's that time when you're bored or mad or whatever and nothing can fix it - I can't even find solace in playing guitar because I just wind up angry that I can't write a song or remember stuff from memory and I can't just do it. Music doesn't even work because I can't find anything that helps and then I do and it's just one song and my iTunes plays 850 other songs that I don't even like and it just gets more and more frustrating.
But, in the process of fast forwarding through a couple of hundred songs (really not an exaggeration) I came across Relient K's "The Lining is Silver". The chorus of the song says:
Isn't it nice to know
[Isn't it nice to know]
That the lining is silver
Isn't it nice to know
[Isn't it nice to know]
That we're golden
Yeah we're golden
Oh
And the answer is yeah, it is nice to know. But even though the lining is silver, it sucks to feel like you're constantly getting rained on.
Since I'm being honest, as I typically try to be on this thing, I'll just admit that these are the times I struggle with God and faith the most - that is to say, when things are just kind of average. Not good, not bad, things just kind of...are. These are the times the comparison bug kicks my tail up and down the sidewalk. And these are the times when words just aren't enough.
These are the times that I know I can quote a thousand Bible verses about God having a plan for us and for everything working for our good and how He's watching over us and these are the times that I don't believe them. At all. (And...for the record...I can say this here because I've already told God about it. He's big enough to handle it.) It's not that I don't believe in God. It's just that the words aren't enough. The silver lining isn't enough.
And who knows? Maybe this is a patience issue. Maybe it's the comparison thing. Maybe it's a faith issue. I don't know. I guess it helps to write about it.
-chandler
Part of being moody is being frustrated, and I am REALLY good at being frustrated. Really good at it. And I'm also really good at not being able to deal with it. It's that time when you're bored or mad or whatever and nothing can fix it - I can't even find solace in playing guitar because I just wind up angry that I can't write a song or remember stuff from memory and I can't just do it. Music doesn't even work because I can't find anything that helps and then I do and it's just one song and my iTunes plays 850 other songs that I don't even like and it just gets more and more frustrating.
But, in the process of fast forwarding through a couple of hundred songs (really not an exaggeration) I came across Relient K's "The Lining is Silver". The chorus of the song says:
Isn't it nice to know
[Isn't it nice to know]
That the lining is silver
Isn't it nice to know
[Isn't it nice to know]
That we're golden
Yeah we're golden
Oh
And the answer is yeah, it is nice to know. But even though the lining is silver, it sucks to feel like you're constantly getting rained on.
Since I'm being honest, as I typically try to be on this thing, I'll just admit that these are the times I struggle with God and faith the most - that is to say, when things are just kind of average. Not good, not bad, things just kind of...are. These are the times the comparison bug kicks my tail up and down the sidewalk. And these are the times when words just aren't enough.
These are the times that I know I can quote a thousand Bible verses about God having a plan for us and for everything working for our good and how He's watching over us and these are the times that I don't believe them. At all. (And...for the record...I can say this here because I've already told God about it. He's big enough to handle it.) It's not that I don't believe in God. It's just that the words aren't enough. The silver lining isn't enough.
And who knows? Maybe this is a patience issue. Maybe it's the comparison thing. Maybe it's a faith issue. I don't know. I guess it helps to write about it.
-chandler
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Oxford, Mississippi
Goodbyes suck.
Seriously. They do. As many times as I've had to participate in these dreadful events, you'd think they get easier. They don't.
Tonight, my good friend Curt Liles officially announced something we all knew - he's stepping down as the middle school pastor at Crossgates Baptist Church to head to Oxford to start a church. And though I knew it was coming, and have known for a couple of weeks, it wasn't an easy thing to hear, and it's something that probably won't set in for a while.
I haven't had the privilege of knowing Curt for very long, seeing as we officially met in January, but my mom (who is also on staff at CBC) has been telling me for quite some time that he and I would hit it off and that we are a lot alike. And over the past six months I've literally been scared at how similar we are. From our love for all things Ole Miss to video games to just the overall weirdness both of us possess, it is a bit scary. But it's the similarities that make this goodbye thing bittersweet instead of just bitter.
One of the biggest things we have in common is our heart for Oxford, Mississippi. People always say Ole Miss is the best 5 or 6 (or seven) years of your life, and there were definitely times that statement rang true for me. It's an amazing town that is always going to have a special place in my heart.
But Oxford is in need of something that's not there. For a town in the Bible belt, it's surprisingly dark. But I don't think it's a town that is hostile to the gospel - in fact I think it's hungry. And I think that when someone gets there and starts preaching AND living truth, it's going to spread like wildfire. I really believe that. I'm not saying that I think the churches there just suck and are failing and all of that, but I do know from experience the town needs something that's not currently there. It's frustrating to me because I spend a lot of time on Ole Miss message boards and whenever the issue for Sunday alcohol sales comes up, the Baptist churches go crazy and whip up a huge frenzy and vote it down and then they disappear again, and seeing people's reaction to all of this is heartbreaking because people just look and say "oh, Sunday sales are up for vote again, here come the Christians" and then "oh, Sunday sales got shot down again, there go the Christians." And it's frustrating.
Oxford needs a church that is going to be more than that. Part of why I loved RUF so much was because I felt like they were good in this area - both desiring truth and living a Christian life. Not just harping on alcohol, and not just trying to "live in the spirit" with no sense of direction or doctrine or truth, but finding the balance. And that's what I think Curt is going to do, but hopefully out of the university setting.
I also understand that it's not a complete and total goodbye. Oxford is still my home away from home and now I have yet another excuse/reason to go. I can't wait to see what God has in store for Curt, Stephanie, and Laney, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for Oxford. It's going to be big.
Also, for any of the Oxford peeps that happen to read this, be on the lookout. It's gonna get freaky real soon.
-chanchan
Seriously. They do. As many times as I've had to participate in these dreadful events, you'd think they get easier. They don't.
Tonight, my good friend Curt Liles officially announced something we all knew - he's stepping down as the middle school pastor at Crossgates Baptist Church to head to Oxford to start a church. And though I knew it was coming, and have known for a couple of weeks, it wasn't an easy thing to hear, and it's something that probably won't set in for a while.
I haven't had the privilege of knowing Curt for very long, seeing as we officially met in January, but my mom (who is also on staff at CBC) has been telling me for quite some time that he and I would hit it off and that we are a lot alike. And over the past six months I've literally been scared at how similar we are. From our love for all things Ole Miss to video games to just the overall weirdness both of us possess, it is a bit scary. But it's the similarities that make this goodbye thing bittersweet instead of just bitter.
One of the biggest things we have in common is our heart for Oxford, Mississippi. People always say Ole Miss is the best 5 or 6 (or seven) years of your life, and there were definitely times that statement rang true for me. It's an amazing town that is always going to have a special place in my heart.
But Oxford is in need of something that's not there. For a town in the Bible belt, it's surprisingly dark. But I don't think it's a town that is hostile to the gospel - in fact I think it's hungry. And I think that when someone gets there and starts preaching AND living truth, it's going to spread like wildfire. I really believe that. I'm not saying that I think the churches there just suck and are failing and all of that, but I do know from experience the town needs something that's not currently there. It's frustrating to me because I spend a lot of time on Ole Miss message boards and whenever the issue for Sunday alcohol sales comes up, the Baptist churches go crazy and whip up a huge frenzy and vote it down and then they disappear again, and seeing people's reaction to all of this is heartbreaking because people just look and say "oh, Sunday sales are up for vote again, here come the Christians" and then "oh, Sunday sales got shot down again, there go the Christians." And it's frustrating.
Oxford needs a church that is going to be more than that. Part of why I loved RUF so much was because I felt like they were good in this area - both desiring truth and living a Christian life. Not just harping on alcohol, and not just trying to "live in the spirit" with no sense of direction or doctrine or truth, but finding the balance. And that's what I think Curt is going to do, but hopefully out of the university setting.
I also understand that it's not a complete and total goodbye. Oxford is still my home away from home and now I have yet another excuse/reason to go. I can't wait to see what God has in store for Curt, Stephanie, and Laney, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for Oxford. It's going to be big.
Also, for any of the Oxford peeps that happen to read this, be on the lookout. It's gonna get freaky real soon.
-chanchan
Sunday, July 18, 2010
The Redemption Project - Mission Tour 2010
Before I get started, let it be known that this is a time that I really wish I were interested at all in photography, because this past week would have presented hundreds of opportunities to take pictures of stuff. But I will leave that up to my good friend (and very talented photographer) Sarah, and you can see pictures and stuff from our trip here.
So this past week I got to experience my first ever Mission Tour with Crossgates Baptist Church, and I have to say, it was a very frustrating, tiring, and at times downright annoying trip. Yet, at the same time, it was phenomenal. I mean really - even though I'm going to try, there's no way to sum this thing up with words. It was a comedy of errors in a lot of ways, but it was definitely proof that God has a sense of humor. And as I thought about what to title this post, (Plan B, The Comedy of Errors, Mission Tour 2010, The Notebook, The CBC Wrecking Crew, etc.) only one phrase from the entire week stuck with me: The Redemption Project. Technically we only helped out with that particular project on the last day, but looking back it sums up our trip perfectly.
First, though, a parable.
Luke 10:25-37:
[25] And behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” [26] He said to him, “What is written in the Law? How do you read it?” [27] And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” [28] And he said to him, “You have answered correctly; do this, and you will live.”
[29] But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” [30] Jesus replied, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. [31] Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. [32] So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. [33] But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. [34] He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. [35] And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, ‘Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.’ [36] Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” [37] He said, “The one who showed him mercy.” And Jesus said to him, “You go, and do likewise.”
This is significant. I'm still unpacking the ins and outs of it in my mind, and it's like a new revelation every time I think about it, but this passage is the crux of any kind of mission work. And I don't mean the kind of mission work that sends you to some place to just yell really loud about the Bible and get some people to pray some prayers and then you leave them, because...well, I don't think that really does anything but feed your ego. I'm talking about real, tangible work - serving and proclaiming the gospel. And though there was no animosity from our group towards the people of Nashville, in this instance we were the Samaritans. At least in the sense of us observing some people in desperate need of help and offering it. And this parable is a story about who we are called to love and who is our neighbor, but just like every other one of Jesus' teachings, it also proclaims the gospel. Because while we saw people in need of help and Jesus allowed us to be a part of his plan and offer that help, we have to recognize ourselves as the helpless person beaten within an inch of our lives and Christ as our good Samaritan before we can be that to anyone else.
Simply put, our work this week was a tangible, physical, obvious representation of the Gospel. I found it interesting that most of our work depended on destruction, and I couldn't help but think about the houses we worked on as an example of our own lives and our own sanctification. In our own lives, before God can build anything, he has to tear down the junk we've built up in our lives. We try to bring our own accomplishments before God - our own righteousness - and he laughs. Isaiah says that our righteousness is but filthy rags before God. And so our righteousness must be torn down before God can start to instill his own into us. I told my room that. It's something that ran through my mind all week and the weight of it becomes heavier and heavier the more I think about it. It literally blows my mind.
But yeah. The trip was incredible. God showed up in a lot of ways - whether it was literally moving a storm around us so that we could perform in the park, keeping us safe from our really nice (but not always attentive) bus drivers, giving us stuff to do when the weather got rough, or just the grace of having around 100 people do manual labor that was somewhat dangerous and nobody being seriously injured, God showed up.
For me, though, the coolest part of the trip was what happened on Thursday. Driving back from Nashville, we passed through Madison, Alabama, and helped out with a church some former CBC members, (and dear friends) Mark and Staci Sellers. They helped plant a church a few years ago (and God help me but I'm blanking on the name) and they finally have acquired a building that they are renovating into their church. The project of converting the building into a church has been dubbed "The Redemption Project" because the building used to be a strip club. When I heard that, I almost broke down at the beauty of what was happening. A building that used to be the pinnacle of brokenness and despair is being turned into a literal light on a hill to serve that whole city.
And that, my friends, is what Christianity is all about. It's about redemption. And redemption is possible because Christ defeated death and all of the crap that goes along with it. And because of that, we, who were once dead, get to participate in His incredible plan. All because there's a tomb in the Middle East somewhere that's empty.
Beautiful, y'all. Just beautiful.
-chanchan
So this past week I got to experience my first ever Mission Tour with Crossgates Baptist Church, and I have to say, it was a very frustrating, tiring, and at times downright annoying trip. Yet, at the same time, it was phenomenal. I mean really - even though I'm going to try, there's no way to sum this thing up with words. It was a comedy of errors in a lot of ways, but it was definitely proof that God has a sense of humor. And as I thought about what to title this post, (Plan B, The Comedy of Errors, Mission Tour 2010, The Notebook, The CBC Wrecking Crew, etc.) only one phrase from the entire week stuck with me: The Redemption Project. Technically we only helped out with that particular project on the last day, but looking back it sums up our trip perfectly.
First, though, a parable.
Luke 10:25-37:
[25] And behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” [26] He said to him, “What is written in the Law? How do you read it?” [27] And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” [28] And he said to him, “You have answered correctly; do this, and you will live.”
[29] But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” [30] Jesus replied, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. [31] Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. [32] So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. [33] But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. [34] He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. [35] And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, ‘Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.’ [36] Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” [37] He said, “The one who showed him mercy.” And Jesus said to him, “You go, and do likewise.”
This is significant. I'm still unpacking the ins and outs of it in my mind, and it's like a new revelation every time I think about it, but this passage is the crux of any kind of mission work. And I don't mean the kind of mission work that sends you to some place to just yell really loud about the Bible and get some people to pray some prayers and then you leave them, because...well, I don't think that really does anything but feed your ego. I'm talking about real, tangible work - serving and proclaiming the gospel. And though there was no animosity from our group towards the people of Nashville, in this instance we were the Samaritans. At least in the sense of us observing some people in desperate need of help and offering it. And this parable is a story about who we are called to love and who is our neighbor, but just like every other one of Jesus' teachings, it also proclaims the gospel. Because while we saw people in need of help and Jesus allowed us to be a part of his plan and offer that help, we have to recognize ourselves as the helpless person beaten within an inch of our lives and Christ as our good Samaritan before we can be that to anyone else.
Simply put, our work this week was a tangible, physical, obvious representation of the Gospel. I found it interesting that most of our work depended on destruction, and I couldn't help but think about the houses we worked on as an example of our own lives and our own sanctification. In our own lives, before God can build anything, he has to tear down the junk we've built up in our lives. We try to bring our own accomplishments before God - our own righteousness - and he laughs. Isaiah says that our righteousness is but filthy rags before God. And so our righteousness must be torn down before God can start to instill his own into us. I told my room that. It's something that ran through my mind all week and the weight of it becomes heavier and heavier the more I think about it. It literally blows my mind.
But yeah. The trip was incredible. God showed up in a lot of ways - whether it was literally moving a storm around us so that we could perform in the park, keeping us safe from our really nice (but not always attentive) bus drivers, giving us stuff to do when the weather got rough, or just the grace of having around 100 people do manual labor that was somewhat dangerous and nobody being seriously injured, God showed up.
For me, though, the coolest part of the trip was what happened on Thursday. Driving back from Nashville, we passed through Madison, Alabama, and helped out with a church some former CBC members, (and dear friends) Mark and Staci Sellers. They helped plant a church a few years ago (and God help me but I'm blanking on the name) and they finally have acquired a building that they are renovating into their church. The project of converting the building into a church has been dubbed "The Redemption Project" because the building used to be a strip club. When I heard that, I almost broke down at the beauty of what was happening. A building that used to be the pinnacle of brokenness and despair is being turned into a literal light on a hill to serve that whole city.
And that, my friends, is what Christianity is all about. It's about redemption. And redemption is possible because Christ defeated death and all of the crap that goes along with it. And because of that, we, who were once dead, get to participate in His incredible plan. All because there's a tomb in the Middle East somewhere that's empty.
Beautiful, y'all. Just beautiful.
-chanchan
Friday, July 9, 2010
The Restlessness Inside
Change in life is inevitable. Sometimes, you never see it coming, like when you find out your co-worker is a vampire by watching him bite his girlfriend's neck on an A&E documentary. That changes your life in ways you probably can't imagine. But that's also the kind that blindsides you. Sometimes it's something completely ridiculous like Phil the Vampire, sometimes it's serious like death, or sometimes it's incredible, but it blindsides you.
But sometimes you feel change coming. Maybe it comes when you know stuff is on the horizon that hasn't been made public yet, maybe it comes when you've just been feeling it, and maybe it's God telling you to get ready, but you just feel it.
Right now I have an incredible sense of foreboding that pretty major change is coming. Maybe even really soon. But I think it's coming. I mean, I'll obviously need to be finding a job soon, but with that likely comes changing churches which means...well...it means a lot of things. Hopefully with the job comes a new place to live, and with that just a general sense of responsibility that comes with growing up and facing life head on.
The thing that gets me about all of this, though, is that I've realized that I am what's hindering the change. I've more or less dragged my feet in several areas, and they've all been in the name of some "good" things, but I'm going to go crazy if I don't quit screwing around and just dive headfirst into something.
This isn't as insightful as I had maybe hoped it would be, but it's just something I needed to get off my chest. My soul is restless and it's time to do something about it.
But sometimes you feel change coming. Maybe it comes when you know stuff is on the horizon that hasn't been made public yet, maybe it comes when you've just been feeling it, and maybe it's God telling you to get ready, but you just feel it.
Right now I have an incredible sense of foreboding that pretty major change is coming. Maybe even really soon. But I think it's coming. I mean, I'll obviously need to be finding a job soon, but with that likely comes changing churches which means...well...it means a lot of things. Hopefully with the job comes a new place to live, and with that just a general sense of responsibility that comes with growing up and facing life head on.
The thing that gets me about all of this, though, is that I've realized that I am what's hindering the change. I've more or less dragged my feet in several areas, and they've all been in the name of some "good" things, but I'm going to go crazy if I don't quit screwing around and just dive headfirst into something.
This isn't as insightful as I had maybe hoped it would be, but it's just something I needed to get off my chest. My soul is restless and it's time to do something about it.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Music (feedback encouraged)
I feel like everything that has happened over the last couple of weeks can more or less be summed up by things related to music that I've dealt with. First, the incredible:
My friend, Marshall FREAKING West, got on stage and sang with Relient K. The best thing about that happening was the fact that it was perhaps simply the icing on the most epic cake of a day that has ever existed. Started off leaving Brandon around noon, and when we hit Tuscaloosa (a city I absolutely despise except for one thing...) we stopped at a record store so Marshall and Matt could check out some vinyls. Lake and I decided that since we were the fat guys and we were hungry, we should definitely eat, and when you are hungry in Tuscaloosa there is only one option - Dreamland. So we did it. It was epic, and it was capped off with free banana pudding. Seriously, what's better than banana pudding? Especially really good banana pudding you didn't pay for? I can think of one thing, but I'm saving that for marriage. So I'm going with best thing in my single, v-card carrying life. Then we headed off to Alabama Adventures, the worst theme park in America, to catch Relient K. We rolled up and realized we were pretty far back in line, so a plan was devised. The four of us were to stand near the merch table until the doors opened, then we'd just walk in. In the process of doing this, we wound up on the front row. Like THE front row. Marshall decided that he wanted to get on stage and sing, so he made a sign saying "please let me sing with you." Pretty much the whole show he got ignored until the final song when Matt Thiessen walked over and stuck the mic in his face. Epic win, right? It gets better, hold on. The band runs off the stage, people chant for an encore, and the guitarist comes up to us and grabs Marshall off the front row and tells him he's singing on "Sadie Hawkins Dance" because Thiessen didn't feel like singing anymore. So Marshall did it. To say we were going nuts is the greatest understatement in the history of understatements. Even a week later, we're all still a little ecstatic. Unbelievable experience, and as if I didn't already love Relient K enough,they assured that day they'd have at least one fan for life.
Now, this is the part where I want some feedback. I realize I probably care about theology way more than most people, which is fine. I also realize I love hymns more than most people (and this article is a good example of why we still need hymns) but my question is this. Does it matter what the writer of a song believes if the song is sung at church? For example, if a song written by a group that denies the existence of the Trinity and denies the doctrine of justification by faith alone, should we just say "well the words are pretty and it builds up to a great worship moment", should we throw it out because it's false teaching, or...should we do something else? I ask this question because I was reading up on Philips, Craig & Dean the other day and they believe some pretty weird things. Particularly being the two mentioned like a sentence before. To me, it's a pretty significant issue.
It goes like this: these guys are all pastors/music pastors at Oneness Pentecostal churches. Oneness Pentecostals believe that God is one being that at different times manifests himself as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, each being temporary and limited in existence. I (and most mainline denominations) believe that The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit are three separate, equal beings that make up God. It's tricky. But I believe scripture backs up the view of the Trinity. Just as one example, John 14:16-17 features Jesus (son) talking about asking his Father (father) to send the Helper (Holy Spirit), which implies that all three are in existence, and that each member is not just God in different manifestations as Oneness Pentecostals suggest. Also, how could three manifestations of the same thing interact with another manifestation of the same thing the same way the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit interact with one another? They also call the belief in the Trinity "polytheism". Interesting.
Now, I can admit that the doctrine of the Trinity is confusing. I don't fully understand it, but based on what I can see in Scripture and what a lot of people I respect have talked about and written, I can accept it. It's pretty vital to what we believe about God, and what you believe about God determines how you act towards him.
That said, it's still a tricky subject. The next one isn't.
I don't see any room in the Gospel, period, for anything other than faith alone. Oneness Pentecostalism, however, doesn't buy it. They believe that you have to a. accept Christ, b. get baptized, and c. speak in tongues. Not only that, but if you baptize in the name of the "Father, Son, and Holy Spirit", you're doing it wrong. Water baptism is ONLY to be performed in the name of Jesus. Then you have the spirit baptism in the Holy Spirit, which involves speaking in tongues.
Paul wrote about that kind of stuff a lot. He talks again and again about how salvation is only linked to Christ's death - not to those other things. Baptism is simply symbolic. Whether you go for covenant baptism (yay!) or believer's baptism, it is not the act that contributes to salvation. Ephesians 2:8-9 says that we are saved by faith, not works, so that no one can boast. There are tons of other verses on it.
So, with all of that said, my question is this: should we be concerned with their beliefs? Because I'm concerned with what we are saying if we just go along with this stuff. I mean, at what point does stuff become so contradictory to scripture that it isn't Christian anymore? I don't want to accuse anyone of anything because I haven't done exhaustive research on Oneness Pentecostalism (actually I just read this article).
I just feel like in our postmodern society, we need to be focusing a lot more on doctrine and affirming right teaching because it is a time where everything comes into question.
Gah I don't know if this made any sense at all...it's kind of confusing to me and I've been mulling it over for a while. Also, I'm sleepy. So I quit for now.
Nite,
<3 chanchan
My friend, Marshall FREAKING West, got on stage and sang with Relient K. The best thing about that happening was the fact that it was perhaps simply the icing on the most epic cake of a day that has ever existed. Started off leaving Brandon around noon, and when we hit Tuscaloosa (a city I absolutely despise except for one thing...) we stopped at a record store so Marshall and Matt could check out some vinyls. Lake and I decided that since we were the fat guys and we were hungry, we should definitely eat, and when you are hungry in Tuscaloosa there is only one option - Dreamland. So we did it. It was epic, and it was capped off with free banana pudding. Seriously, what's better than banana pudding? Especially really good banana pudding you didn't pay for? I can think of one thing, but I'm saving that for marriage. So I'm going with best thing in my single, v-card carrying life. Then we headed off to Alabama Adventures, the worst theme park in America, to catch Relient K. We rolled up and realized we were pretty far back in line, so a plan was devised. The four of us were to stand near the merch table until the doors opened, then we'd just walk in. In the process of doing this, we wound up on the front row. Like THE front row. Marshall decided that he wanted to get on stage and sing, so he made a sign saying "please let me sing with you." Pretty much the whole show he got ignored until the final song when Matt Thiessen walked over and stuck the mic in his face. Epic win, right? It gets better, hold on. The band runs off the stage, people chant for an encore, and the guitarist comes up to us and grabs Marshall off the front row and tells him he's singing on "Sadie Hawkins Dance" because Thiessen didn't feel like singing anymore. So Marshall did it. To say we were going nuts is the greatest understatement in the history of understatements. Even a week later, we're all still a little ecstatic. Unbelievable experience, and as if I didn't already love Relient K enough,they assured that day they'd have at least one fan for life.
Now, this is the part where I want some feedback. I realize I probably care about theology way more than most people, which is fine. I also realize I love hymns more than most people (and this article is a good example of why we still need hymns) but my question is this. Does it matter what the writer of a song believes if the song is sung at church? For example, if a song written by a group that denies the existence of the Trinity and denies the doctrine of justification by faith alone, should we just say "well the words are pretty and it builds up to a great worship moment", should we throw it out because it's false teaching, or...should we do something else? I ask this question because I was reading up on Philips, Craig & Dean the other day and they believe some pretty weird things. Particularly being the two mentioned like a sentence before. To me, it's a pretty significant issue.
It goes like this: these guys are all pastors/music pastors at Oneness Pentecostal churches. Oneness Pentecostals believe that God is one being that at different times manifests himself as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, each being temporary and limited in existence. I (and most mainline denominations) believe that The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit are three separate, equal beings that make up God. It's tricky. But I believe scripture backs up the view of the Trinity. Just as one example, John 14:16-17 features Jesus (son) talking about asking his Father (father) to send the Helper (Holy Spirit), which implies that all three are in existence, and that each member is not just God in different manifestations as Oneness Pentecostals suggest. Also, how could three manifestations of the same thing interact with another manifestation of the same thing the same way the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit interact with one another? They also call the belief in the Trinity "polytheism". Interesting.
Now, I can admit that the doctrine of the Trinity is confusing. I don't fully understand it, but based on what I can see in Scripture and what a lot of people I respect have talked about and written, I can accept it. It's pretty vital to what we believe about God, and what you believe about God determines how you act towards him.
That said, it's still a tricky subject. The next one isn't.
I don't see any room in the Gospel, period, for anything other than faith alone. Oneness Pentecostalism, however, doesn't buy it. They believe that you have to a. accept Christ, b. get baptized, and c. speak in tongues. Not only that, but if you baptize in the name of the "Father, Son, and Holy Spirit", you're doing it wrong. Water baptism is ONLY to be performed in the name of Jesus. Then you have the spirit baptism in the Holy Spirit, which involves speaking in tongues.
Paul wrote about that kind of stuff a lot. He talks again and again about how salvation is only linked to Christ's death - not to those other things. Baptism is simply symbolic. Whether you go for covenant baptism (yay!) or believer's baptism, it is not the act that contributes to salvation. Ephesians 2:8-9 says that we are saved by faith, not works, so that no one can boast. There are tons of other verses on it.
So, with all of that said, my question is this: should we be concerned with their beliefs? Because I'm concerned with what we are saying if we just go along with this stuff. I mean, at what point does stuff become so contradictory to scripture that it isn't Christian anymore? I don't want to accuse anyone of anything because I haven't done exhaustive research on Oneness Pentecostalism (actually I just read this article).
I just feel like in our postmodern society, we need to be focusing a lot more on doctrine and affirming right teaching because it is a time where everything comes into question.
Gah I don't know if this made any sense at all...it's kind of confusing to me and I've been mulling it over for a while. Also, I'm sleepy. So I quit for now.
Nite,
<3 chanchan
Monday, June 14, 2010
Conviction, or: Confessions, pt. II
So 1 Kings 19 describes the voice of God as a "still, small voice." God tells Elijah to wait to hear His voice and He causes an earthquake, a fire, a mighty wind, and some other things, and His voice is not present in any of them. Then comes the still small voice. A breeze. A soft whisper. Which I think is pretty cool, because we expect God to be this big mighty voice that shakes the walls and knocks people over. Which He is certainly capable of. But, this particular passage of the Bible chooses to describe the voice of God as a still, small voice. I think when people hear that phrase, they expect it to be this gentle whisper, this pleasant little thing that just kind of comes along and is all like "Oh, the dear sweet eight pound six ounce baby Jesus wants me to go do this" and they just peacefully move along and easily transition into whatever the 8 lb. 6 oz. version of our Savior wants them to do. But I don't think that's necessarily how it works.
Sometimes, the still small voice doubles as a kick to the nuts.
That expression may be a little crass, but it's the truth. I know because it has been happening to me time and time again over the last 2 weeks. Maybe I'll write about the other stuff some other time, but this time I'm focusing on tonight.
During our evening worship service, Scott Ross spoke briefly and then had some different groups come up and share about their experiences on various mission trips over the last few months. We've had people serving here in Mississippi, Mexico, the Dominican Republic, Haiti, and India, and each group had a pretty cool story to tell. The particular story that moved me the most was a story about a lady named Wincey. She had a husband and four kids, but then her husband died and she started to struggle with abusing drugs and alcohol. Then, in an attempt to make some money to keep her home, she started working at a strip club. After three days, she realized enough was enough and reached out to several churches in the area and Crossgates reached out and helped her rebuild a burned out trailer someone had given her. During the story, Wincey actually came down to the front of the church and told bits and pieces of her story with the other guy who was talking. After they finished talking and walked off, something hit me.
A former stripper came down to the front of the church and told her story.
In the church. In a place where people often times feel judged and condemned, this lady felt comfortable enough to do that. That blew my mind, and honestly I was thanking God that I went to a church where something like that could happen.
But throughout the night, as we heard story after story of God's redemptive love moving in incredible ways around the world, I started to hear the voice. I feel like I very clearly heard God tell me "Chandler, this is what I want for you. This is the plan I have for you."
And that was the kick to the balls.
I saw the passion that the people speaking had for other people and for the Gospel and I realized...I don't have that. I'm closer than I was, but I'm not there yet. But the conviction came when I realized I'm the one slowing up the process. I'm the one who sits around and plays XBOX for hours on end. I'm the one who continually flirts with the line in almost every situation. I'm the one who says a quick five minute prayer before I go to sleep. I'm terribly lazy - I pretty much have been my whole life. I mean, I'm the guy who would go to campus, try to find a parking spot, not find a parking spot, and go home. Diligence has just never been a strong suit of mine.
But I realized tonight...I want that passion. I want my heart to break for something - whether it's middle school students at Crossgates (which actually it already has to an extent) or starving old people in Africa, I want that passion.
And I want a deeper passion for the Gospel.
So many times I think people (myself definitely included) look at the Gospel as just...I don't know how to explain it other than to tell a story. I'm paraphrasing, but this is a story from John Piper's Desiring God. He tells the story of a minister who is asked if he were to find out on his deathbed that Jesus was fake, that the whole story was made up, how would it change his life? And the guy answers that he'd be sad, sure, but he could at least take solace in the fact he was nice to other people, helped people, and just generally lived a good life.
Piper makes the point that that is the WRONG answer. 1 Corinthians 15:17 says that if Christ is not risen then our faith is FUTILE. If this isn't true...if this isn't real, we are wasting our lives. But if it is, and I believe it, my life has purpose. My life is not just there, it is real and purposeful.
And so...why don't I live that way? Why do I do the things I do? Why do I not do the things I don't do?
I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to sit back and just let stuff happen - I want to take life head on. I want my heart to break for something, for someone. Like I said, I'm getting there, but I'm the one slowing this up.
I have no idea what I'm going to do - no clue what's going to change this or if it even will any time soon. But eventually it will. Eventually it's going to. I just don't want it to happen five years from now and I realize...hey, I should have done this years ago.
I also realize that this life is not performance based. It's not up to be to initiate any of this, and I definitely can't do it without a calling. But if I'm called, and I just sit there...well, that's a bad idea too.
Anyway, these are just some thoughts at 2:30 in the morning.
<3chanchan
Sometimes, the still small voice doubles as a kick to the nuts.
That expression may be a little crass, but it's the truth. I know because it has been happening to me time and time again over the last 2 weeks. Maybe I'll write about the other stuff some other time, but this time I'm focusing on tonight.
During our evening worship service, Scott Ross spoke briefly and then had some different groups come up and share about their experiences on various mission trips over the last few months. We've had people serving here in Mississippi, Mexico, the Dominican Republic, Haiti, and India, and each group had a pretty cool story to tell. The particular story that moved me the most was a story about a lady named Wincey. She had a husband and four kids, but then her husband died and she started to struggle with abusing drugs and alcohol. Then, in an attempt to make some money to keep her home, she started working at a strip club. After three days, she realized enough was enough and reached out to several churches in the area and Crossgates reached out and helped her rebuild a burned out trailer someone had given her. During the story, Wincey actually came down to the front of the church and told bits and pieces of her story with the other guy who was talking. After they finished talking and walked off, something hit me.
A former stripper came down to the front of the church and told her story.
In the church. In a place where people often times feel judged and condemned, this lady felt comfortable enough to do that. That blew my mind, and honestly I was thanking God that I went to a church where something like that could happen.
But throughout the night, as we heard story after story of God's redemptive love moving in incredible ways around the world, I started to hear the voice. I feel like I very clearly heard God tell me "Chandler, this is what I want for you. This is the plan I have for you."
And that was the kick to the balls.
I saw the passion that the people speaking had for other people and for the Gospel and I realized...I don't have that. I'm closer than I was, but I'm not there yet. But the conviction came when I realized I'm the one slowing up the process. I'm the one who sits around and plays XBOX for hours on end. I'm the one who continually flirts with the line in almost every situation. I'm the one who says a quick five minute prayer before I go to sleep. I'm terribly lazy - I pretty much have been my whole life. I mean, I'm the guy who would go to campus, try to find a parking spot, not find a parking spot, and go home. Diligence has just never been a strong suit of mine.
But I realized tonight...I want that passion. I want my heart to break for something - whether it's middle school students at Crossgates (which actually it already has to an extent) or starving old people in Africa, I want that passion.
And I want a deeper passion for the Gospel.
So many times I think people (myself definitely included) look at the Gospel as just...I don't know how to explain it other than to tell a story. I'm paraphrasing, but this is a story from John Piper's Desiring God. He tells the story of a minister who is asked if he were to find out on his deathbed that Jesus was fake, that the whole story was made up, how would it change his life? And the guy answers that he'd be sad, sure, but he could at least take solace in the fact he was nice to other people, helped people, and just generally lived a good life.
Piper makes the point that that is the WRONG answer. 1 Corinthians 15:17 says that if Christ is not risen then our faith is FUTILE. If this isn't true...if this isn't real, we are wasting our lives. But if it is, and I believe it, my life has purpose. My life is not just there, it is real and purposeful.
And so...why don't I live that way? Why do I do the things I do? Why do I not do the things I don't do?
I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to sit back and just let stuff happen - I want to take life head on. I want my heart to break for something, for someone. Like I said, I'm getting there, but I'm the one slowing this up.
I have no idea what I'm going to do - no clue what's going to change this or if it even will any time soon. But eventually it will. Eventually it's going to. I just don't want it to happen five years from now and I realize...hey, I should have done this years ago.
I also realize that this life is not performance based. It's not up to be to initiate any of this, and I definitely can't do it without a calling. But if I'm called, and I just sit there...well, that's a bad idea too.
Anyway, these are just some thoughts at 2:30 in the morning.
<3chanchan
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