The Lining is...Silver?

I'm moody. Anybody who truly knows me knows this. Maybe you do really know me and I've managed to hide it from you. Maybe you don't know me. Maybe we just haven't been friends long enough for you to notice. But it's true - I'm moody. And I never know when I'm going to be moody. So there's my startling (not really) confession for the day.

Part of being moody is being frustrated, and I am REALLY good at being frustrated. Really good at it. And I'm also really good at not being able to deal with it. It's that time when you're bored or mad or whatever and nothing can fix it - I can't even find solace in playing guitar because I just wind up angry that I can't write a song or remember stuff from memory and I can't just do it. Music doesn't even work because I can't find anything that helps and then I do and it's just one song and my iTunes plays 850 other songs that I don't even like and it just gets more and more frustrating.

But, in the process of fast forwarding through a couple of hundred songs (really not an exaggeration) I came across Relient K's "The Lining is Silver". The chorus of the song says:

Isn't it nice to know
[Isn't it nice to know]
That the lining is silver
Isn't it nice to know
[Isn't it nice to know]
That we're golden
Yeah we're golden
Oh

And the answer is yeah, it is nice to know. But even though the lining is silver, it sucks to feel like you're constantly getting rained on.

Since I'm being honest, as I typically try to be on this thing, I'll just admit that these are the times I struggle with God and faith the most - that is to say, when things are just kind of average. Not good, not bad, things just kind of...are. These are the times the comparison bug kicks my tail up and down the sidewalk. And these are the times when words just aren't enough.

These are the times that I know I can quote a thousand Bible verses about God having a plan for us and for everything working for our good and how He's watching over us and these are the times that I don't believe them. At all. (And...for the record...I can say this here because I've already told God about it. He's big enough to handle it.) It's not that I don't believe in God. It's just that the words aren't enough. The silver lining isn't enough.

And who knows? Maybe this is a patience issue. Maybe it's the comparison thing. Maybe it's a faith issue. I don't know. I guess it helps to write about it.

-chandler