Tyler Russell's Poetry

Congratulations, Mississippi State.  You got yourself a winner at QB and an amazing poet.  From the musings of Tyler Russell:

There once was an SEC superstar 
Who always drove a fancy sports car 
He threw for many yards in a game 
He moved to Mississippi state 
Where the fans screamed his name 

He spent most of his time learning plays 
He never went fishing or visited the bay 
He worried about nothing but football 
He loved the internet 
Where he shopped online,never going to the mall 

To practice, to dinner, and home he went 
These were the few places his time was spent 
On Sundays he went to church to repent 
Tyler was a good guy 
His mother says he was heaven sent 

His dream of winning the SEC finally came true 
Hard work pays off when your heart is in what you do 
This is a lesson that he was taught and always knew 
That if he kept his feet on the ground 
Someday his arms would reach beyond the skies of blue 

Awesome.  Completely awesome.

Jack Cristil's finest

Here are some of Jack Cristil's quotes from the 2008 Egg Bowl.

Egg Bowl Humor from Jack Cristil's broadcast.

"Ole Miss just scored and we don't know who scored because No. 85 (Bradley Sowell) isn't listed on their roster. But" Jack said, "It's academic at this point."

After an MSU holding call, "Well, if you can't block 'em, hold 'em!" -Cristil

"One can only hope so, Jack." - John Correro

Jack just said "It's third down and so long, you will need surveying equipment to see how much is needed for a first down."

"There are only 45 seconds left. Maybe Ole Miss wont score another touchdown. In the 1st quarter that is." - Cristil

"Coming up on the end of the quarter. The third quarter, that is. We've still got another one to play. At the end of the third quarter, Ole Miss barely out in front, 38-0." - Cristil

"Ole Miss has punted once today for a grand total of 12 yards. They ought to improve on that with this next punt." - Cristil (Laughter in the background as he was saying it).

"Let's punt it again. McAdams has to punt it a lot in his final game as a Bulldog." - Cristil

"For the record both teams have all of their timeouts left. So, that ought to make it fun." - Cristil

"Well, what do you know. The Rebels have put a couple of backup linemen in the game." - Cristil

"Mercifully, the clock continues to run." - Cristil

"About 3 minutes left, many fans have long been gone. In fact, some of them are probably already home by now." - Cristil

"Chris Relf can throw it long. He cannot throw it accurately, but he can throw it long." - Cristil

"Well, that's only a loss of 9 there. So, it's only third and 19." - Cristil

"A great many of the 55,000 fans have left the game now (45-0), they might even be home now watching on TV." - Cristil

"It's 4th down and 24 yards to go, this ought to dictate a punt right now." - Cristil

"One can only hope so, Jack." - John Correro

"Well, the Bulldogs take a delay of game. That backs up to their 4 where it will be fourth and 31. We just wanted to give McAdams plenty of room to kick the ball because he has such a powerful leg." - Cristil

"That's it. Ballgame over. Ole Miss noses out Mississippi State, 45-0." = Cristil

"Sonic drive of the game....My drive home to Tupelo, Mississippi, I guarantee you that is my drive of the game." and he proceeds to give his home address -Cristil

Some Random Thoughts...

-School sucks.  I'm ready to be done and doing something else.  This has been a recurring theme from me, I know, but it's something that just needs to be said.  Again.

-30 Rock is very funny.  I randomly bought season 1 on DVD right before Thanksgiving break and loved it.  Very funny.  I'm glad to have another TV show to waste my time with.

-I don't like the state of Texas, but I am ecstatic at the thought of spending New Years there, but I'd rather go to Florida.  Just saying.

-I love NFL football.  I went to my first pro game a week ago, Saints vs. Packers on Monday Night Football.  It was an absolute blast.

-Speaking of NFL football, I am absolutely stoked about the upcoming weekend.  Friday - South Panola vs. Meridian in the state 5A championship game.  South Panola currently owns the nation's longest win streak in high school football.  Saturday - Ole Miss vs. New Orleans in New Orleans.  After that, Hornets vs. Grizzlies.  Sunday - Falcons vs. Saints.  The best part?  I'll be at all of them live.  In person.

-Speaking of Atlanta...8-4?  Seriously?  Matt Ryan is amazing.

-I'm glad it's cold.  I like the cold.

-Is having a blog arrogant?  It's like I'm saying "Hey!  I'm important!  You should read my thoughts!  Please do!"  Except that no one does.  I promise, it's not because I'm arrogant.  It's because I'm bored.

-Bored.  Where has the Bored-Again Christian gone?  This makes me sad.

Election Day...

So, I saw where someone posted this e-mail on their facebook the other day and I've just been thinking about it a lot.  It has really, really bothered me. 

WHO WOULD JESUS VOTE FOR?

1. Jesus would not vote according to his 'pocketbook.' 
1 Timothy 6:10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. 

-This is true.  But, is the Republican party not the one with the interest of the "rich" at heart?  Democrats traditionally are better with the poor that Republicans.  Matthew 25:33-40 talks about "the least of these" and how the way we treat the least of these is the same way we treat Jesus.

2. Jesus is Pro Life. 
Jeremiah 1:5 Before you were formed in the body of your mother I had knowledge of you, and before your birth I made you holy... 
Matthew 19:14 But Jesus said, Suffer the little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. 

-Jesus probably would be "pro-life."  There probably are a ton better verses to even back this stance up.  My question is this - why do we continue to complain about Roe v. Wade and "pro-life vs. pro-choice" when conditions for adoption are horrible for American mothers?  It has become easier in some ways to adopt children from other countries - so much so to the point that abortion is a better option.  I hate to say that, because I want to see abortion end, but can you really blame a young, scared mother for not wanting to bring a child into this world?  Especially thinking about how difficult adoption is as a viable option.  

3. Jesus is not tolerant of the homosexual lifestyle. 
Romans 1:27-28 And in the same way the men gave up the natural use of the woman and were burning in their desire for one another, men doing shame with men, and getting in their bodies the right reward of their evil-doing. And because they had not the mind to keep God in their knowledge, God gave them up to an evil mind, to do those things which are not right... 

-This is Paul speaking anyway, but Jesus also isn't a fan of divorce.  Matthew 7:3-5 says "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."  The fact is that the divorce rate is as high, if not higher, in the church that outside of the church.  We don't even take the heterosexual lifestyle seriously.  

4. Jesus would not vote for anyone who has interests in other religions besides Christianity. 
John 14:6 Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 

-Jesus also says give to Caesar what is Caesar's and give to God what is God's in Luke 20:25.  This is maybe the most ridiculous line in this entire e-mail - all authority is given by God in the first place.  So, technically, Jesus has made a habit of voting for people whose interest is something other than Christianity.

5. Jesus is against welfare (the church should provide for people's needs). 
2 Thessalonians 3:10 For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. 

-This I wholeheartedly agree with.  But at some point the church has to step up and be the church.  If we would, there would be no need for welfare legislation.  However, we'd rather spend money on laser light shows and fog machines for worship services.  There's a problem there.

6. Jesus is pro Israel. 
Nehemiah 13:2 Because they did not give the children of Israel bread and water when they came to them, but got Balaam to put a curse on them: though the curse was turned into a blessing by our God. 
Genesis 12:2-3 I will make of you a great nation. I will bless you and make your name great. You will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and I will curse him who curses you. All of the families of the earth will be blessed in you.??? 

-I wonder if the composer of this e-mail ever actually read the New Testament.  I'm thinking...no.

7. Jesus knows who really controls the economy. 
Matthew 6:31-34 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear? For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. 

-We are not to worry.  However, there are countless Proverbs talking about the importance of stewardship.  God blesses us with finances or whatever, but He asks us to trust Him with money.  So, don't worry about money, but be wise and take care of it.  There's definitely a difference.

8. Jesus is not worried about social security or the stock market. 
Matthew 6:19-20 Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

-Again, stewardship.  Take care of what you've been given.

It all comes down to this. We need God in America again. Our economy, our children, our marriages, etc. need healing. While neither candidate looks to be a strong Christian candidate - as a nation which one will lead us closer to God and not farther away?

-All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.  There is no such thing as "more" or "less" Christian in God's eyes.  You either are or you aren't.  

2 Chronicles 7:14
If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

As Christians, who we vote for does matter to God!

Romans 14:11-12 As surely as I live,' says the Lord, every knee will bow before me; 
every tongue will confess to God.' So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.

I'm a Christian and I approve of this message!

-I'm a Christian, and I don't.  Exodus 20:7 says not to take the Lord's name in vain.  Many people want to limit this commandment to things like "I swear to God," "Jesus Christ" as an exclamation, and "God damn."  This is true, that is taking His name in vain, BUT, I think this commandment also applies to e-mails like this.  It's like saying - "Hey, if you are a Christian, you have to vote this way."  

Yes, I am deeply concerned about Barack Obama and most of his policies.  However, I feel the same way about Mr. McCain.  Pick these men apart based on these policies, but to try to claim one is more Christian than the other is just totally wrong - especially when both men have their "moral" shortcomings.

Honestly, this kind of stuff makes me sick.

Rob Bell - the Emo Pastor

Rob Bell.  If you are a Christian, you probably know who this guy is.  You've either read Velvet Elvis or a friend has said "Holy crap you just HAVE to read Sex God.  It's SO amazing!"  I fell into that category 2 years ago or so with Velvet Elvis.  I read it, and at the time, I thought it was amazing.  Several people I talked to warned me about some of the stuff he said, but I just wrote it off as them being "too Presbyterian" (cough...Dustin Jernigan...cough).  Then, over the summer, I read Sex God.  I thought it was terrible.  People thought I was crazy for thinking it was terrible, but I did.  And it was more than just me being cynical.  Something didn't feel right about it, and the more I thought about it, Velvet Elvis felt about the same.  So I did some thinking and some research and this is what I came up with.

Rob Bell is, at best, standing on very shaky theological ground.  I am no theological giant myself, but a lot of the stuff Bell says is just BS, and it contradicts scripture.  That's the easiest way to put it.  I don't have any exact quotes because I don't have a copy of either of his books with me, but if you've read them, you know what I'm talking about.

Here's an example:

-In Velvet Elvis, Bell talks about the story where Jesus walks on the water and Peter walks out to him.  Bell says that Peter did not lose faith in Jesus, rather Peter lost faith in Peter, which is why he sank in the water.  Peter lost faith in his own ability to walk on the water.  

The story, as told in Matthew 14:22-37, is that the disciples are out on a boat and Jesus walks out to them.  At first they think it's a ghost, but Peter calls out and says that if it is Jesus to have him walk out to him.  Jesus tells him to come on, and Peter walks out, initially believing in Jesus and his ability to let Peter walk on the water.  Then, Peter sees the wind and the waves and gets scared and sinks, and Jesus grabs him and takes him back to the boat.  Peter took his eyes off of Jesus and he sank.  This is in sync with John 15:5, which says "I am the vine, you are the branches."  This verse ends with the phrase "Apart from me you can do nothing."

According to Jesus, apart from me you can do nothing.  Yet, according to Bell, Peter had the ability in and of himself to walk on the water.  Something has to give right there.

-Bell, and the Emerging Church in general, aren't too crazy about the thought of Hell, either.  Hell, or the eternal separation of man from God, is a real thing.  In Sex God, Bell talks about Hell but he only defines it as a situation that we create on earth when we are mean to people.  Again, the Bible talks about Hell, a real place where man is separated from God for eternity, several times.  I don't know if Bell personally believes in Hell or not, but it's a pretty significant thing and it's like a heresy by omission or something.  I don't know if that's a real term or not, but it's omitting part of the truth, and that is not a good thing.

There's some other stuff too, but I don't feel like looking it up.  I don't think people should avoid Rob Bell and his books/videos/sermons, because I do think he says some good stuff occasionally, but people who read him need to do some research on what he's saying and not just accept it for truth.  He does a fantastic job of packaging stuff into a hip package that is aesthetically pleasing, and because we think he's so cool and his books are printed so uniquely, we don't look into it much.

But as with anything, scripture is the ultimate standard, and Jesus Christ is the ultimate truth.  As far as I can tell, while Bell does say some good things, he has a lot of very significant points that simply do not line up with scripture.  

My most hated cities...

So, as I was walking around in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, on Saturday, and thought to myself "man, I really hate this city."  Then I got to thinking about my most hated cities, which is tough because I generally like most of the places I go.  So, here is my list.  It's not necessarily in order, except that Branson holds, and always will hold, the top spot.

4. Tuscaloosa, AL. - Outside of the strip, a total dump of a city.

3. Jackson, MS. - Contrary to popular belief of Jacksonians, this is not the center of the universe, and if it were, it would be a crappy universe.  Pretty good food though - Keifer's is fantastic.

2. Starkville, MS. - I'm kind of obliged to put this here.  I really just don't care for Starkville one bit.  Except for the food.  It's fantastic.

1. Branson, MO. - The absolute worst place in the world.  I know a handful of good people that I like from there, but overall, this place is terrible.  And the food sucks.

Playing guitar

I think that playing guitar is the single most frustrating thing I do.  I pick it up, and I have things, thoughts, and feelings that I want to express, but I can't seem to make the right things come out.  Maybe it's not necessarily the guitar that's the problem - I'm not great by any stretch but I'm decent.  I know my way around chords and can do some really basic riffs and stuff, but it's just that - it's just chords.  I can play chords and things that sound like music, but I can't make songs.  And I get frustrated with just playing those chords and playing other people's music.  It's frustrating.  Have I said the word frustrating enough?  I'm sitting here with my guitar by my side on the couch, with these thoughts.  Thoughts of love, fear, frustration, and an intense desire to run away.  And I just don't know what to do with them.  I know what I want to do with them, but I I just don't have the slightest idea.  

Oh well.

A Sports Post - Ole Miss Tradition?

So, on the free message board on the Ole Miss Spirit (omspirit.com), there was a thread about basketball and I contributed.  Someone asked about the pre-game routine, and said that back in the day when Col. Reb came down from the rafters and they had the strands of crepe paper coming down was the coolest thing ever or something like that.  I said I thought Col. Reb was bush league, and somebody responded with this:

"Call the streamers and Col. Reb 'bush' if you want, but two things for sure.

1. You obviously have little if any pride in tradition as far as your Col. Reb remark"

To which I responded with this:

what do you mean by tradition?

hopefully it's my generation that is laying the groundwork for the actual "tradition" of which you speak.  hopefully it's my generation that is going to stand up and say enough is enough, we're tired of tradition being based on mascots and tailgating.  we want wins.

y'all complain and whine and cry about col. reb and "tradition but what tradition are we talking about?  my dad is almost 60 and he has a hard time remembering the "glory years" and i know nothing of any success in any major sport minus a tie for the SEC west in 2003.

so, you're right.  i couldn't care less about "tradition" especially when it's one so mired in mediocrity.  actually, to say it's been mired in mediocrity is being generous.

i want more than the grove and pretty girls.  those things are good, but when we're repeatedly getting beat down week in and week out (and then it turns into year in and year out).  i want to see ole miss win CHAMPIONSHIPS, and anything short of that is tradition i don't care about.

so, you're right.  i have no pride in ole miss "tradition" because there is no ole miss "tradition" to speak of.  i do love ole miss and do want to see ole miss have that tradition, but i want it to be something tangible.  i want it to be trophies.  i want it to be nets cut down.  i want it to be banners put up in vaught hemingway and tad smith.  not some pathetic mascot.  so if that's what you mean by tradition, then no.  i couldn't care less about it.

That was the meat of my post.  I think it speaks for itself.

One Safe Place

One Safe Place - Mark Cohn

How many roads you’ve traveled
How many dreams you’ve chased
Across sand and sky and gravel
Looking for one safe place

Will you make a smoother landing
When you break your fall from grace
Into the arms of understanding
Looking for one safe place

Life is trial by fire
And love’s the sweetest taste
And I pray it lifts us higher
To one safe place

How many roads we’ve traveled
How many dreams we’ve chased
Across sand and sky and gravel
Looking for one safe place

----------------------------

So this song kind of sums up what I've been going through lately.  Last week was really hard on me for some reason...I really had no desire to do anything at all, not academically, not socially, not spiritually.  I really just wanted to either lay in my bed and just pass the time or get in my car and drive until I ran out of money to keep buying gas.  That's always been a dream of mine...but just cutting out on everyone and everything I love without notice is just something I can't do, no matter how depressed I am or how badly I want to run.  Just can't do it.  Anyway, it was just this intense feeling of loneliness that even tended to get to me even when I wasn't actually alone.  And as always, it was a snowball effect - first it was loneliness, then it was a feeling of worthlessness.  It was just a feeling of being lost in the fold - everybody is so busy, so why would they make time for me?  Besides, I can't ask them to do something that would inconvenience them, after all...that's selfish!  These are the lies I believed last week.  These are lies I have struggled with my entire life, at least since junior high (which, I have come to realize, is a miserable period of life for anyone involved, hands down.  It's just a super lame time of life...it's like a rite of passage.)  

Saturday night was definitely the low point - after the game, I just went home, ordered food, and got in bed.  I spent the night angry with myself, angry at my friends, and angry at God for feeling like He didn't know what was going on, or worse, that He didn't care.  I just laid there and watched several editions of Sportscenter and episodes of House (yay for laptops with DVD players.  Something I've definitely taken for granted but am DEFINITELY thankful for) and then went to bed with every intention of going to church Sunday morning, but I woke up early Sunday morning feeling sick so I didn't go.  I laid awake, praying and begging God to pull me out of whatever it was...to bring my focus back to Him and away from whatever it was I was trying to gain life from.  

I heard this song somewhere in the midst of all that.  It was in an episode of house...One Safe Place.  It hit me - that's what I'm looking for.  I mean, honestly, I love the college life.  Or, I loved the college life.  It's past that time for me, but because of a boneheaded decision I made I'm still here.  Oxford is not the place for me.  I love doing Young Life here...I love my team, I love our kids...I love basketball season and football season has been fun so far, but I have to get out of here.  It will definitely be a tear-stained goodbye, but I'm looking for that One Safe Place.  It may not be a comfortable place, and it may not be a "safe" place by most standards...but I'm ready to find it.  I'm ready to find that place that God wants to send me, which may be a part of my struggle.  I want to be there so bad, but for whatever reason He has decided it's not time for me to be wherever that is.  

Anyway, that song made me think.  Then, Monday rolls around, and I can't wipe this stupid smile off my face.  I'm in this great mood, and I'd definitely have to say I was abiding in Christ and letting His life and His joy flow through me.  It was an amazing day.  Then, today, even though it wasn't a "good" day by any stretch, it was more of the same.  

And I came to realize, that for me, right now, that One Safe Place is exactly where I am, as long as I'm resting in the arms of Christ.  As long as I am seeking to allow Him to live through my life, I am in that place.  So that's my struggle...to stay here, in His arms, living life today and letting tomorrow take care of itself.  

And for those times when I (or the maybe one or two people that might accidentally read this) feel lonely, remember this:

Psalm 139:7-12

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Or where can I flee from Your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, You are there;

If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.

If I take the wings of the dawn,

If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,

Even there Your hand will lead me,

And Your right hand will lay hold of me.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,

And the light around me will be night,"

Even the darkness is not dark to You,

And the night is as bright as the day

Darkness and light are alike to You.

Nowhere is away from His hand.  Not even in the depths of that loneliness.

-Chanchan

Christ For President

Let's have Christ our President

Let us have him for our king

Cast your vote for the Carpenter

That they call the Nazarene

The only way 

We could ever beat

These crooked politician men

Is to cast the moneychangers

Out of the temple

Put the Carpenter in

Oh it's Jesus Christ our President

God above our king

With a job and a pension for young and old

We will make hallelujah ring

Every year we waste enough

To feed the ones who starve

We build our civilization up

And we shoot it down with wars

But with the Carpenter

On the seat

Way up in the capitol town

The USA

Be on the way

Prosperity Bound

A Music Post

So, this morning as I was making all of my message board rounds, I stumbled across something that really made me worry about the future of America as a whole.  No, it had nothing to do with sports (those are typically the message boards I read, after all).  It had nothing to do with an impending category 4 hurricane that's about to hit the Gulf Coast again.  It even had nothing to do with this upcoming presidential election.  

What I saw was...

Everlast covering Johnny Cash's "Folsom Prison Blues."

WHAT?

There are some songs you can cover and get away with, no problem.  There are other songs that only the greats should try to cover.  There are some songs that are just untouchable.  And there are some artists, as a whole, who are untouchable.  Folsom Prison is one of those songs, and Johnny Cash is one of those artists.

It's kind of a disturbing thing in music these days though.  I mean, covers have always been popular.  "Hallelujah" has been covered so many times that people have a tough time remembering who originally wrote it - Leonard Cohen.  The occasional cover of an 80s song by some pop-punk band is fun from time to time.  But people are starting to cover classics - and butchering them.  "Sweet Child of Mine" and "Behind Blue Eyes" are two in particular.  The one that hurts me most, personally, is Uncle Kracker's cover of Dobie Gray's "Drift Away."  And I think the reason it bothers me is that kids now look at these songs and say "Oh, that's a Limp Bizkit/Uncle Kracker/Sheryl Crow song" instead of whoever originally wrote it.

The other thing is...it's just lazy.  When Johnny Cash covered Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt," he basically rewrote the music to the song.  In the aforementioned covers, they just play the song the way it was written, record it, and make money.  There's nothing to it - somebody else wrote it, somebody else recorded it, somebody else made it famous, so all you have to do is get on a tab website, learn how to play it, and record it EXACTLY THE SAME and you make a million.  Super easy.  

It's ridiculous, and it needs to stop!  If you're going to do a cover, at least do something to make it your own.  If not, then just don't bother.

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. t always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

So.  This is a passage that we read A LOT, at least I have.  But honestly I've never given it much thought until recently, when I was talking with a friend.  And you know how it can be with friends, especially really good friends...they have to tell you some hard stuff sometimes.  Well this particular friend was telling me that while there are a lot of things I am good at, they all pale in comparison to love.  And I am not always the best at showing people love. 

See, I have this problem.  I believe that I am the most important person in the world.  I think this is a struggle with a lot of people, honestly, but I know I do.  I mean...it manifests itself in so many ways.  For example, I tend to get pretty agitated at Wal-Mart when the person in front of me takes too long to find their wallet or has too many items or whatever the reason happens to be.  Why?  Because I think I'm entitled to being able to get in and get out in like 30 seconds and that everyone should be accommodating to me.  I get cut off on the road and I get super pissed because I can't believe that the person driving the car doesn't drive as well as me or whatever.  Even in my joking, and my friends all know this, I can be really, really mean and just generally un-loving.  

The concept of love is something I've always been really into.  You know, caring for the poor, spreading the Gospel, ministry, all of that good stuff.  But applying that to my daily life is something that I have never been so hot at.  Proverbs 15:1 says that "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."  In my every day life, I have an opportunity to show love with a "gentle answer" or to show un-love with a "harsh word" and too many times I choose the latter because it may get an extra laugh or others might think I'm a little cooler than I actually am, even if it is at the expense of others.  

There are a couple of reasons this might happen - the first being my aforementioned attitude of superiority.  The second, I would have to say, is insecurity.  I feel that if I can prove myself better than people, if I can make myself look good or something, then I can prove to myself that I am better than someone.  

So what's the root of the problem?  I don't know for sure, but I think it has a lot to do with whether or not I believe a few basic truths about who God says I am.  Scripture says a lot about this.  Jeremiah 1:5 says "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you."  Psalm 139:17-18 says "How precious it is, Lord, to realize that you are thinking about me constantly.  I can't even count how many times a day your thoughts turn towards me.  And when I waken in the morning you are still thinking of me."  Then, a little bit later, it says "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test my thoughts.  Point out anything you find in me that makes you sad, and lead me along the path of everlasting life."  He knows me completely.  He knows the thoughts I think, He knows what I do in my room when no one is looking, He knows what I do in public when everyone is around, He knows the words I am going to say before I say them, He knows what I feel about every situation, He knows my favorite TV shows...He knows everything.  And yet He still chooses to love me.  Ultimately, according to Romans 5:11, Paul refers to us as "friends of God."

So basically, I struggle with believing that I am actually a friend of God.  I have a hard time believing what He says about me - that in Christ, I am pure, righteous, and holy.  

I've been presenting this to God since I have been home.  And the amazing thing is that He has blessed me.  One particular instance came last Wednesday, which I guess would be August 13, when I drove up to Oxford to poke around and look for a place to live.  Heading north on I-55 I was driving in the left lane and another vehicle started pulling over into my lane right on top of me, and instead of freaking out and yelling and probably having a few choice words, I thanked God that I was safe and understood in my mind that sometimes people just don't pay attention.  That's a minor thing, and I think I still have a long way to go, but this is a process done in baby steps.  

Ultimately, my prayer is that I would see other people through God's eyes.  This, as well as loving other people, is something I can't do on my own.  But that's the beautiful thing about baby steps - as we trust God with small things, our faith grows.  My faith has definitely grown since I have been home because He has made good on His promises, and that is something that is very exciting for me.  I want to continue to grow in faith and love.

Slight Change to Operation 220

I shaved the stache off temporarily because of a few things I am going to where I need to look "nice" or something. So it's temporarily on hold, at least the stache part.

Operation 220

So, back in April I weighed myself and I weighed 270 pounds. That's a lot. So I started eating (a little...not much though) better and playing basketball a lot and then recently I weighed myself again and I was down to 239. Since I have been home, however, my eating habits have gotten horrible again and I have basically become a sloth...again...so I have come up with Operation 220. I have shaved off my beard with the exception of a terribly hideous mustache, and I will not shave the stache off until I reach 220 pounds. That's 19 more from where I was about a week ago. I have no idea where I am right now but I'd guess around 245 or so. So, there it is. Operation 220.

Update on my life...

So the picture for the next year is becoming a little bit clearer. I drove up to Oxford today to look for a place to live and to meet with my academic adviser. No luck on the place to live, but after talking to my adviser the next step is going to be to take a full load in the upcoming year. I'll be finishing up my liberal arts degree, which is what the journalism class I have to take is for, and I will be getting a sociology minor, which would give me two separate degrees...one in political science (with the sociology minor) and the other in liberal arts. I am basically 22 hours short to do this...3 journalism hours (271) which will complete my journalism minor, and then 19 hours to finish the sociology minor - 15 hours of sociology classes and then 4 hours of electives. So that's the plan. 6 full years of college. Wow.

The Gamble of Grace

This is a piece written by a guy named John Lynch called "The Gamble of Grace":

What if I tell them who they are? What if I take away any element of fear in condemnation, judgment or rejection? What if I tell them I love them, will always love them, that I love them right now, no matter what they've done as much as I love my own Son? What if I tell them that there is nothing that they can do to make my love go away?

What if I tell them there are no lists? What if I tell them I don't keep a log of past offenses, of how little they pray, how often they let me down, or made promises that they don't keep? What if I tell them they are righteous with my righteousness right now? What if I tell them they can stop beating themselves up, that they can stop being so formal, stiff, and jumpy around me? What if I tell them that I am CRAZY about them? What if I tell them even if they run to the ends of the earth and do the most horrible, unthinkable things, that when they come back I'd receive them with tears and a party?

What if I tell them that if I am their Savior, they're going to heaven no matter what? It's a done deal! What if I tell them they have a new nature? Saints, not saved sinners who should now "buck up and be better if they were any kind of Christians after all he's done for you!" What if I tell them that I actually live in them right now, that I've put my love, power, and nature inside of them at their disposal? What if I tell them that they don't have to put on a mask? That it's okay to be who they are at this moment with all their junk. That they don't need to pretend about how close we are, how much they pray or don't, how much they read the Bible or don't. What if they don't have to look over their shoulder for fear if things get too good, the other shoe's gonna drop?

What if they knew I will never, ever use the word 'punish' in relation to them? What if they knew that when they mess up, I will never get back at them? What if they were convinced that bad circumstances aren't my way of evening the score for taking advantage of me? What if they knew the basis of our friendship isn't how little they sin, but how much they let me love them? What if I tell them they can hurt my heart, but that I will never hurt theirs? What if I tell them I like Eric Clapton's music too? What if I tell them I never really liked the Christmas handbell deal with the white gloves? What if I tell them they can open their eyes when they pray and still go to heaven? What if I tell them there is no secret agenda, no trap door? What if I tell them it isn't about their self-effort but allowing me to live my life through them?

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I wonder what believers would be like if we really believed this? What if we really believed what God says about us? Or, better yet, what if we...myself included...really looked at Jesus as the most important person in our lives? Our emotional well-being is, in a large part, determined by what the most important person in our life thinks about us. In my experience, this is true. There have been times in my life where I was so into some girl that I was crushed and depressed and all that when I found out she wasn't into me...so I wonder...if Jesus was the most important person in my life, how would my self image be affected? There are times where I know He is number one, and these are the times when I am the most joyful. The times where he isn't, and these are the times where I try to gain acceptance from other people or other things. My prayer for this particular stage in my life is that God would continue to mold me into the person He wants me to be and that He would continue to increase my trust in Him, because the times I trust in Him are the times when He is the most important person in my life. When He is number one, I have a peace and joy...plus I see myself the way He sees me. When I can see myself the way He sees me, I can see others the way He sees them.

Why I'm Writing

So, after this past summer, which was my second at Discipleship Focus in Branson, I have come to the realization that six months from now I am going to be completely free. I don't have the slightest idea what is next. So, in consideration of that, I decided I'd start up a blog mostly to remind myself where I am now so that in six months, if I'm still writing this, I'll have something to look back on to see where I've been. This is pretty much going to be my thoughts on everything...my life, religion, politics, sports, music, whatever I feel like writing about. So I hope I'll stick with this.