If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. t always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
So. This is a passage that we read A LOT, at least I have. But honestly I've never given it much thought until recently, when I was talking with a friend. And you know how it can be with friends, especially really good friends...they have to tell you some hard stuff sometimes. Well this particular friend was telling me that while there are a lot of things I am good at, they all pale in comparison to love. And I am not always the best at showing people love.
See, I have this problem. I believe that I am the most important person in the world. I think this is a struggle with a lot of people, honestly, but I know I do. I mean...it manifests itself in so many ways. For example, I tend to get pretty agitated at Wal-Mart when the person in front of me takes too long to find their wallet or has too many items or whatever the reason happens to be. Why? Because I think I'm entitled to being able to get in and get out in like 30 seconds and that everyone should be accommodating to me. I get cut off on the road and I get super pissed because I can't believe that the person driving the car doesn't drive as well as me or whatever. Even in my joking, and my friends all know this, I can be really, really mean and just generally un-loving.
The concept of love is something I've always been really into. You know, caring for the poor, spreading the Gospel, ministry, all of that good stuff. But applying that to my daily life is something that I have never been so hot at. Proverbs 15:1 says that "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." In my every day life, I have an opportunity to show love with a "gentle answer" or to show un-love with a "harsh word" and too many times I choose the latter because it may get an extra laugh or others might think I'm a little cooler than I actually am, even if it is at the expense of others.
There are a couple of reasons this might happen - the first being my aforementioned attitude of superiority. The second, I would have to say, is insecurity. I feel that if I can prove myself better than people, if I can make myself look good or something, then I can prove to myself that I am better than someone.
So what's the root of the problem? I don't know for sure, but I think it has a lot to do with whether or not I believe a few basic truths about who God says I am. Scripture says a lot about this. Jeremiah 1:5 says "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you." Psalm 139:17-18 says "How precious it is, Lord, to realize that you are thinking about me constantly. I can't even count how many times a day your thoughts turn towards me. And when I waken in the morning you are still thinking of me." Then, a little bit later, it says "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test my thoughts. Point out anything you find in me that makes you sad, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." He knows me completely. He knows the thoughts I think, He knows what I do in my room when no one is looking, He knows what I do in public when everyone is around, He knows the words I am going to say before I say them, He knows what I feel about every situation, He knows my favorite TV shows...He knows everything. And yet He still chooses to love me. Ultimately, according to Romans 5:11, Paul refers to us as "friends of God."
So basically, I struggle with believing that I am actually a friend of God. I have a hard time believing what He says about me - that in Christ, I am pure, righteous, and holy.
I've been presenting this to God since I have been home. And the amazing thing is that He has blessed me. One particular instance came last Wednesday, which I guess would be August 13, when I drove up to Oxford to poke around and look for a place to live. Heading north on I-55 I was driving in the left lane and another vehicle started pulling over into my lane right on top of me, and instead of freaking out and yelling and probably having a few choice words, I thanked God that I was safe and understood in my mind that sometimes people just don't pay attention. That's a minor thing, and I think I still have a long way to go, but this is a process done in baby steps.
Ultimately, my prayer is that I would see other people through God's eyes. This, as well as loving other people, is something I can't do on my own. But that's the beautiful thing about baby steps - as we trust God with small things, our faith grows. My faith has definitely grown since I have been home because He has made good on His promises, and that is something that is very exciting for me. I want to continue to grow in faith and love.
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