Goodbye, Oxford

My time here is finally coming to a close. I got here in the fall of 2003 as an 18 year old freshman and I'm leaving in the winter of 2009 as a college graduate. Thankfully, I have avoided becoming an Oxford "local," and while I am sad to leave some people behind, I am unbelievably ready to get out of this town.

Oxford has been quite a place to me and for me over the years. I'm definitely a different person now than I was when I got here. I have a better grasp on the concept of grace (I still can't claim to fully understand it - no one can - and part of that is having a hard time showing grace to others), and I truly know what it means to walk with Christ. I have been enthusiastic about things and completely and totally apathetic about things. My career path has stayed pretty much the same - a desire for ministry, although how that desire will come to fruition is still up in the air. There was that day or so (literally) I considered law school but obviously decided against that one.

I've been a lot of places. Colorado, Missouri, Washington, Canada, Texas, Arkansas, South Carolina, North Carolina, Florida, Tennessee, New Mexico, Alabama, Georgia...maybe even some places I've forgotten between here and there. The one thing, maybe the only thing, I remember about those places are the people I was there with. Thinking back to road games for football, I rarely saw my Rebels win a game (my record for road games was 5-15), but none of that mattered. I couldn't even remember that off the top of my head, but for each one of those trips to SEC stadiums I remember hilarious stories from road trips and game nights with random people. For example, I can't remember for the life of me the score from the Tennessee game we wet to a few years ago, but I definitely remember going into the Bi-Lo and buying every bit of Cheerwine they had. I remember the Mexican restaurant we ate at and I remember playing Cranium with one of my camp friend's roommates and their Young Life team (which, for the record, was the best non-camp Young Life community I have ever been around, contrary to other people's claims. You could just feel the love - and we were complete and total strangers.) Stories like that bring a smile to my face.

Speaking of trips, I think back to Malibu all the time and the crazy road I took to get there. I remember laying in bed, recovering from ACL surgery, reading Through Painted Deserts and thinking "man, I need to do something crazy." And then I signed up to go to camp for a month in another country with a group of people I've never met and man...I have never been the same. I have seen some of the most beautiful things God has ever created, I have experienced community like never before, and I grew in my relationship with Christ like never before. I mean, I experienced God for sure at Discipleship Focus in Missouri, and those were experiences all their own, but not like at Malibu. Never before have I experienced the body of Christ coming together for the common goal of showing Christ to one another and to high school students. And the thing about that experience is that I saw what it was like to live in a community that truly loved one another - even when we didn't necessarily get along - and our ministry simply became the overflow of our community. And I think that's what the body of Christ is all about. And along with Malibu, I'm reminded of the times I saw my Malibu friends, whether it was weekend road trips or our reunion in Washington (best New Year's ever, by the way).

Not all of the great memories were in mythical, faraway lands though. For some reason the one thing that sticks out in my memory is the night that Taylor Sledge, Matthew Coker, and I sat out on Sledge's car port/side patio and ate pizza and just hung out. The more I think about it, the more memories like that come to my mind. I've spent nights out on the Square, I've spent nights in the Grove, but those things didn't stick with me. It was the little things with my close friends - with the people I am looking forward to living near again. On paper, two and a half hours isn't too far and football weekends are great times to catch up, but when it comes down to it they aren't.

The biggest part of my life over the past several years has been Young Life. I have truly bittersweet feelings about leaving it behind, but I know it is the right thing to do. I will try my best to focus only on the good memories (an Avett Brothers song comes to mind - "One Line Wonder.") And I'll definitely miss my guys - Jon O., Billy, Bodie, Sumner, Stewart, Matt, Reed...I hate listing names because I know I'll leave people out. And even the guys who came before them. But those guys will always hold a special place in my heart because I met most of them when they were freshmen and now they're seniors and seeing the growth and fruit in their lives has been incredible. I know they aren't perfect, but it's amazing seeing the change and growth. On top of that, they are definitely guys I consider friends for life. And it's always sad to leave friends behind.

It's hard to believe that come Sunday afternoon, I will put my Oxford residency behind me. I'm ready for it, though. And I can look back and see that God has made good on his promises to me. Times weren't always easy - I still struggle with some of the things I came in struggling with, I had bouts with depression and loneliness, there were times when nothing seemed clear, and heartbreak. Oh the heartbreak. But I know that I am a better person for all of that. And so as I willingly and excitedly close the chapter on this phase of my life, I just reaffirm Jeremiah 29:11:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

It's been quite a journey, and it's funny because when I made up this account I titled my blog "The Ramblings of a Wayward Son," but now I'm going home. I'm not quite a prodigal, but at times it feels like it. And the warm embrace of family and friends waits for me back home. I am thankful for that and can't wait for it to finally happen.

Until next time,
Chandler

Facebook

So...if anybody actually reads this, you may realize you're one friend short on Facebook. You've probably also noticed a drastic drop in people updating their Facebook status. That's because I quit. I don't know how long it's going to be for, but I'm taking some time off Facebook. It's just a waste of time for me right now. I don't work all the time, and on the days I don't work I typically sit around on Facebook and do nothing all day. I sit on the couch all day long and check Facebook every 5 minutes. I look at pictures of certain people and wonder what could have been and get depressed. I look at people I don't know well and get bothered by that. I mean, it's just a lot of absurd stuff nobody should ever do, that I do all the time.

So, what's the point? I don't know, actually. I just felt like it was the right thing to do. I'll probably be back on it eventually, although quitting it for good would be nice. But hopefully I can achieve a few things during this time. First, I can stop feeling sorry for myself. Hopefully I can just let some things be and not abuse myself in those ways. Second, instead of Facebook creeping on people, I can take some time to actually get to know them instead of checking the 'book to find things out. Finally, maybe I can get off my butt and do stuff. I've got a couple of books I'd like to read, I've got some weight I'd like to lose, and I've got some people I want to get to know better. So maybe I can accomplish that stuff? We'll see.

Anyway, that's just what's on my mind. Maybe this will lead to some more blogging? That would be exciting, too.

Another Football Post...

...but this one's different.

Alright, so I enjoy college football. I'm an Ole Miss fan, and that is completely 100% miserable, but I've been thinking about some things lately. Donald Miller's new book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, has really weighed on my heart and I'd dare say even convicted me in a way a book besides the Bible has never done.

I mean, I look at what I did today, and really how much of a waste it was. The things that are truly important happened before and after the game anyway, and that is in reference to the time spent with friends and family. And then look at the other stuff - we actually tell other fans to "go to hell" and don't think twice. Seriously? That's ridiculous. I mean I know it's "just a saying" but just the thought of that is absurd. Then I think about the ridiculous arguments (and near fights) I've gotten in over football. Sports in general. I mean, I get in arguments with people about a GAME going on that I have NO CONTROL WHATSOEVER over.

Don't get me wrong. I love Ole Miss, and I enjoy football. Hopefully I always will. But I remember 5 years ago (give or take a year or two) when I literally hung on every move the football team made.

But my question comes down to this. What eternal significance does a football game have? There are a lot of things I do with my life that don't have eternal significance, but rarely does one event dominate an entire weekend the way football does. This isn't "oh, well, I don't want to do my homework so I'll just say it's not eternal so I don't have to do something I don't want to do" but it's "oh, I like doing this and I enjoy doing this but I'm having some serious questions as to what good this does for anything."

What does it do? It brings out the worst in me. I mean, I'm competitive for sure, so obviously a competitive event is going to bring out that side of me. But when it's an event that I have no control over, so that brings out the worst in me. I just don't know what good it does.

I guess I said all this just to get to this point. I was thinking about it tonight and I told God if He wanted me to give up college football, I'm ready. I've let it get in the way of so many things in my life and I don't think I want that to happen anymore.

Oh, and I completely forgot that I referenced Donald Miller's book. Basically, just like the rest of his books have an underlying theme that ties it all together, the theme for the newest book is storytelling. We all tell stories in our lives, and I'm not sure if I want a recurring story in my life to be sitting/standing in a football stadium every Saturday for my whole live.

I have no idea what any of this means, but God really put it on my heart a few weeks ago (I've talked to a few people about this so it's not like I randomly had some spiritual revelation after the Alabama game today) but it's something I've been thinking about and am beginning to pray about. I'm willing to walk away from it if God calls me to do so.

We'll see what happens.

College Football

I haven't updated in a while so I figured why not make a college football post? I mean, if I got to pick any job ever writing about sports would be near the top, and I don't ever do anything anyway, so might as well, right? Anyways I guess I just have some observations from the weekend that was in college football.

First, Ole Miss looked bad. I was getting pretty geared up for the game after driving all night (and taking the long way since we weren't aware I-20 was opened back up from the Atlanta floods) and I felt like if we would 1. play great defense and 2. not turn the ball over we'd win the game fairly easily. We succeeded with #1, not so much with #2. The offense didn't do anything right, really. OL play was bad, QB play was bad, playcalling was bad, and Dexter McCluster didn't hardly touch the ball until the 4th quarter. That boy needs lots and lots of touches. If Darren Sproles can be an every down back in the NFL, Dexter can be an every down back in the SEC. Yeah, he'll take some hits, but right now he's our only offense. None of that is anything people didn't already know, but what made me mad was the idiot State, Southern, LSU, and other SEC fans in general (as well as the rest of the sports media world) spewing all the crap about the most overrated #4 team ever. Was Ole Miss ever the 4th best team in the country? Nope. I thought Ole Miss realistically should have been where we are now, and that's in the #18-#21 range. The ridiculous thing is not one word has been mentioned about how overrated Cal, Penn State, Ohio State, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, or USC were to start the season. I mean, shoot, for as bad as the aforementioned morons (read: State fans, Southern fans, LSU fans, etc.) made that game out to sound, Ole Miss was never out of the game and had a chance to win right down to the very last play. I would have loved to have seen Penn State's kicker attempt a 12 point field goal, or Cal's Jahvid Best score a 33 point touchdown. Did the Ole Miss loss suck? Yes. But to act like it was this horrible, gut-wrenching loss that somehow set the program back 50 years and ended the season and somehow made us the most overrated team ever, well, that's just stupid. Yeah, we were bad, no, there's no excuse, but that happens. Not as annually as USC's losses to bad PAC-10 teams, but it happens. This week in Nashville makes me nervous because we're like 2-3 the last 5 times we've played Vanderbilt. They have a bad offense. So do we.

Second, I literally laughed out loud at every single status update that mentioned how proud people were of their precious Bulldogs or Golden Eagles. Hey, guess what, y'all looked bad too, and in more ways than one. State, LSU tried every chance they had to give you the game and you just wouldn't take it. Plus, your offensive guru of a head coach couldn't score with 4 inches to go. Dan Mullen is every bit as over his head as Ed Orgeron was as a head coach. Their secondary sucks, the offensive line is pitiful, and they don't have a quarterback. I don't follow State's recruiting that closely, but State's always had trouble getting good quarterbacks. Not to mention your uniforms look like something out of C-USA. Which brings me to Southern. Those uniforms are awful. But, hey, when you are screaming for attention the way Larry Fedora is every time he gets on a microphone, you have to do something that stands out. Otherwise you're just another non-BCS team that a crappy Big XII North team beat. Congrats.

Third, the Big 10(+1) is the worst BCS conference. Worse than the Big East. What do you get when you take Florida's offense and put a bunch of slow white boys from the Midwest in there where Tim Tebow and Chris Rainey are supposed to go? Michigan (who shouldn't be ranked). Terrelle Pryor is a pitiful passer. Penn State has beaten 3 nobodies and lost to an average team (sound familiar?). Big 10(+1) football is incredibly painful to watch, yet somehow they have enough clout to throw their weight around to still be a BCS conference. How that happens, I'll never know. But here's to hoping Iowa wins the league and gets the chance to play with the big boys. That will be fun to watch.

Fourth, Notre Dame sucks too. How they began the season ranked in the top 25 is beyond me, Jimmy Clausen is bad and they don't/can't play defense. Plus Charlie Weis still pisses me off.

Fifth, as far as the SEC goes, it's looking like it'll be Alabama/Florida again in the SEC championship game. Alabama has a great defense but I still think their offense is suspect. If Saban had the same confidence in his team this year as he did last year, he wouldn't be getting fancy with the Wildcat or the pistol in his offense. They're gonna play a good team eventually.

Whatever. Those were just some thoughts. Regardless of how "proud" fans at other Mississippi schools are of losing, hopefully next week the entire state of Mississippi won't be quite as embarrassing.

Hosea

So last night I started reading Hosea, and I've never read it before. I went through chapters 1-3, and tonight I'll read some more, but upon beginning this book all I can say is WOW. I feel like I've been missing out. Hosea was one of God's prophets in the Old Testament, and in order to demonstrate God's love for his people, he commands Hosea to take a wife whom he knows will be unfaithful to him:

When the LORD first spoke through Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea, "Go, take to yourself a wife of whoredom and have children of whoredom, for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the LORD." -Hosea 1:2 (According to the footnote in my Bible, (ESV Study Bible) "whoredom" does not refer to prostitution but rather some other kind of sexual misconduct that obviously includes infidelity.)

So Hosea goes and marries a woman named Gomer, and she bore him a son. They named him Jezreel, and the Bible is clear that this is Hosea and Gomer's son. The next 2 kids they have are not, or at least might not be, Hosea's kids. So she has a daughter and another son, named No Mercy and Not My People,

In chapter 2, Hosea basically makes his case for why he has every right to leave his wife and completely abandon her. He uses the legal process of the time to make his case. But then, in verse 14, there's a turn. Verse 13 reads:

"And I will punish her for the feast days of the Baals
when she burned offerings to them
and adorned herself with her ring and jewelry,
and went after her lovers
and forgot me, declares the LORD."

But then verses 14-15:

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her.
And there I will give her her vineyards
and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth,
as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt."

So Hosea goes off on his wife, talking about laying waste to all of her belongings and exposing her despicable acts to her lovers, and then all of a sudden he's speaking tenderly to her and restoring her hope. He goes on to say:

"And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD." (vs. 19-20)

Then, this little bit:

"And in that day I will answer, declares the LORD,
I will answer the heaves,
and they shall answer the earth,
and the earth shall answer the grain, the wine, and the oil,
and they shall answer Jezreel,
and I will sow her for myself in the land.
And I will have mercy on No Mercy,
and I will say to Not My People, 'You are my people';
and he shall say, 'You are my God.'" (vs. 21-23)

Then, in chapter 3, Hosea goes and finds Gomer and brings her back.

That's as far as I've gotten so far, but I'm really excited about reading the rest of it. The New Testament talks of the church, or God's people, as the bride of Christ. The marriage analogy is used a lot in the Bible, but Hosea is quite a different picture (at least on the surface) than the New Testament bride. God is the jealous husband whose wife is running around on him. Not only does he remain faithful, but he wants to restore her, even though she continues to hurt him time and time again. This really reminds me of Ryan Long's song "Justice of the Peace."

Got your message on the answering machine,
You said you'd be late again-
But what does that mean?
It means im lonely- after all,
So ill be waiting here in case you call.
I guess our telephone ain't gonna ring,
I found a note he wrote,
It says he heard you sing.
So I guess your out with him,
Whats a marriage mean to you?
Do you wear you diamond ring when you lay down?

Oh-oh-oh,
You drop your dress,
You turn your head,
You hold him when I sleep at home alone in our bed.

I didn't sleep last night- waitin' by the window,
Now the mornings come with night time glow.
You told me where you were
I said you lie,
Don't you even wanna try?
I take that ring back cause you dont wanna be my wife.

Oh oh-oh-oh,
You drop your dress,
You turn your head,
You hold him when I sleep at home alone in our bed.
You drop your dress,
You turn your head,
You hold him when I sleep at home alone in our bed.

Do you know girl,
Bout the justice of the peace,
Is gotta bring one of us to our knees.
So I'll go down you can come back home even though,
I know your gonna keep runnin' round.

You drop your dress,
You turn your head,
You hold him when I sleep at home alone in our bed.
You drop your dress,
You turn your head,
You hold him when I sleep at home alone in our bed.
You drop your dress,
You turn your head,
You hold him when I sleep at home alone in our bed



Anyway, it was kind of a revelation. I love the Old Testament.

<3 chanchan

Something Else To Think About...

Today marks a big day for me because the notebook that I use for my personal journal got filled up last night and I am breaking in a new one. I looked over some things from the past in the book, and I realized how much I have changed and grown over the year. I started keeping the journal in June of 2008 and filled it up by July of 2009. So tonight, I will begin writing in a new notebook.

Another option I am considering, in lieu of the road trip, is going to a Young Life camp as an intern for the entire summer. That's possibly the best option because there will be a road trip involved as I'll likely try to work at a camp in Colorado or Oregon, but I'll also get paid for the summer to do something I love. So we'll see. I'm not usually one to plan ahead, but for whatever reason next summer is all I can think of right now. Which is weird because this has been one of the best summers yet.

We shall see.
<3 chanchan

Wanderlust

"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Wanderlust - A strong desire to travel

Finally my time in Oxford has a definitive end date. May 31, 2010, my lease in the fine city of Oxford, Mississippi will be up and I'll be moving on, and lately I've been thinking about what I'll be doing when that day rolls around. Right now my plan is to try to go to seminary or go on Young Life staff, but neither of those would start until August/September of 2010. So that leaves roughly two months to do pretty much whatever. As it stands I'll probably just move back home, but the more I think about it, the more I realize I want to travel.

The more I think about it, the more I realize there are just places I want to see and things I want to do. I have a decent amount of money saved up and I can really make this happen. I've been thinking and praying about it a decent amount and I mean...when am I going to get another chance to do that? I mean I may get a week here or there, but to really, actually get out and see the country on my own time with no other responsibilities other than being home by September? That won't happen again in my entire life. So why not?

So here's what I want to do:
-(Optional) Buy an International Harvester Scout. Preferably a Scout II, but any one of them would be fine.
-Load up the vehicle, hopefully said Scout II, and hit I-20 and drive until I got to the Grand Canyon. I have no idea how long this would take, because I'd like to stop and visit friends along the way, but eventually make it to the Grand Canyon. I've never seen Arizona and want to. That drive would also cover Louisiana, Texas, and New Mexico. Even though I've already seen all of those states, it would be good to go back. (1,657 miles - 1 day, 5 hours)
-Post-Grand Canyon, I want to make the drive over to San Diego. I want to see that city for some reason, and if I did it in the summer I could catch a baseball game. That actually would be something I'd try to plan my travel times around. After San Diego, I want to drive up the PCH as far as I can. (526 miles - 10 hours, 28 minutes)
-Post-San Diego/PCH/various California hot spots, I want to keep driving north to Portland. The beginning of my trip would involve an e-mail to Donald Miller telling him what I was planning on doing and asking him if he wanted to hang out when I get there. I'm sure he'd be down for it because he wrote a book about doing the same thing. Also, this trip is partly inspired by Through Painted Deserts. (1,082 miles - 16 hours, 32 minutes)
-Post-Portland, I'd drive on up to the Seattle area and visit friends. (176 miles - 2 hours, 49 minutes)
-Post-Seattle, I want to see Mount Rushmore. This drive would cover Washington, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, and South Dakota. (1,184 miles - 17 hours, 16 minutes)
-Post-Rushmore, who knows? Looking at the map, the possibilities are endless. The only problem is that I'm back in a part of the country I'm familiar with. So maybe head south to Colorado? Denver is nice that time of year, plus the Rockies are there. Why not? (390 miles - 6 hours, 26 minutes)
-Post-Denver, let's go to Kansas City. The Royals suck, but it's still baseball. (601 miles - 8 hours, 41 minutes)
-Post-KC, I'd head to St. Louis and check out a Cardinals game. (249 miles - 3 hours, 50 minutes)
-At this point, I'm back in familiar territory. I'd probably just take I-55 south until I got home. (504 miles - 7 hours, 32 minutes)

So that would be a rough itinerary of my dream trip. It would be roughly 17 states (including passing through Arkansas and Tennessee) and cover over 6,000 miles. Roughly 105 hours of driving (my math could be way off). And who knows? Maybe I'd head farther east too.

I don't know. I don't know if any of this ever materializes, but this is something I've been thinking of a TON. This is obviously a work in progress and a lot depends on what happens in these next several months and what I wind up doing in the fall. Obviously, with me, things can change. But for whatever reason this is what I'm thinking about a lot lately.

This is insane. Hopefully it happens.
<3 chanchan

It's Been A While...

I've been thinking for a while I needed to update this thing. Every so often, a profound thought will hit and I'll be like "oh, I should write about this" and then I just don't. But today, on Independence Day, I've actually got some free time for the first time in a while so I figured why not.

Quick recap - working 2 jobs. One at a place called MulchEZ, the other at Lovelady Property Management. I don't do a whole lot at either one so it's pretty cool. Moving into a new house here pretty soon. Got a dog.

OK, that's the basic stuff. Lately, though, I've found my relationship with Christ to be perhaps the healthiest it has ever been. As I look back over the year that was, and I'm using last July 4th as a reference, I can see how several experiences I've had have prepared me for the current situation I'm in. And several verses have been playing through in my mind over and over again. The first has been a recurring theme for me:

Jeremiah 29:11-14:
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the LORD...

This just rings so true in my life right now. A year ago, when I was crushed to find out I wasn't going to get to move to Washington, when I was in the middle of some situations that really sucked, and when I was maybe as depressed and sad as I've ever been, God knew the plans he had for me and he has been so faithful to help me realize that. And that leads into the next verse I've been thinking about a lot:

Phillipians 1:6:
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

I think about this verse in the context of the last 6 years. It's unbelievable to think that I'm still here, in Oxford, after all this time, it's unbelievable to look back at the work God has done in Oxford, and it's unbelievable to think that he would have chosen me to do a lot of it. Whether it has been through Young Life or just my personal life, I can honestly say that nothing is the same as when I came in as a freshman in 2003, and it has nothing to do with anything I did. A lot of this is just now starting to settle in, because for the first time I have a definite end point for my tenure in Oxford - May 2010. My lease is up and I'm moving on. I don't know where yet, but I feel like the Oxford chapter of my life is coming to a close. In the past, I probably would have freaked out about leaving and moving on, but God has proven himself trustworthy time and again over these last 6-7 years and I have no doubt that He will do it again.

Finally, I feel like I want to list out the music I've been listening to lately because I can't remember a time I was more into music than I am right now, both playing and listening:

Act Of Congress
The Avett Brothers
Blitzen Trapper
Fleet Foxes
Five Iron Frenzy (as always...)
Old Crow Medicine Show

Anyways, that's all for now. I'll probably write again in like 3 months and I'll be the only person to read it again, but hey, I like writing!

-Chandler

The Week That Was

Let's recap the week. Because it may have been the best ever.

Monday: I studied for a while because I actually had a test I was worried about. Borderline between a C and D so I needed to do well. So I studied for quite a while. The Silver Dollar City people called and set up a time to close out my Worker's Compensation case and told me I'd most likely be getting a check for $1,600 or so.

Tuesday: Worker's Comp conference call. Apparently when they said $1,600, they meant $5,000. Then I took the test. It was one of those where I knew I studied hard for it but honestly felt like it could have gone either way. But I walked out feeling confident about what happened, so that was that. Then I started to get ready for Wednesday, which happened to be one of the biggest days ever. I was super nervous going to bed because so much seemed to hinge on Wednesday. I spent some time reflecting on Phillipians 4:4-7:
-"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand, do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Also, I read and reflected on Jeremiah 29:10-14:
-"For thus says the LORD: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me a with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile."

The interesting thing about these two passages is that "peace that surpasses all understanding" and "welfare" are pretty much the same thing. The original word here, at least according to my ESV study bible, is shalom. The footnote for Jer. 29:7 says that shalom covers all aspects of peace and plenty. So, as it is written here, it's like the prophet is saying "guys, I know you don't have any hope right now, but take faith in this - God has a plan, one for your future, so even though it's not looking so good right now, take heart." When the people have no reason to feel peace, God promises them He is in control, and they can take heart knowing that. That's definitely the effect it had on me.

Wednesday: Woke up, took my second test. I didn't study at all for it because all I had to do was make better than a 9 out of 105 to pass the class. I did much better than that. Then I got a job, so I get to live in Oxford for a while. Spent the afternoon and evening with some good friends, and had a GREAT night that culminated in the first ever Ole Miss flash rave in the library, which truly had to be a top 5 moment ever at Ole Miss. Top 5 in no particular order - LSU game, 2003; Ole Miss vs. LSU basketball - Valentine's Day game, 2007; Double Decker, 2009; Double Decker, 2005; flash rave, 2009.

Thursday: First day of post-college freedom. Sat around and did nothing.

Friday: See Thursday. Besides watching the most disappointing baseball game in history, it was a great day. Saw the new Star Trek, it was fantastic, and I'm not even a Trekkie. The aforementioned test that I had to do well on? 95. Officially a graduate...well, I'm not actually going to say that until the degree is in my hands. But I killed all of my classes this semester.

So all in all this has been one incredible week.

Best Day Ever?

I haven't updated this thing in what feels like forever but today it feels like I should. Yesterday was possibly the most amazing day ever.

Recap:
I rolled out of bed at about 10:30 and bum around the house a little bit, got showered and headed out to the Square for Double Decker at like 11:30. Got there, met up with some great friends, and walked around for a bit, ate some good food and just hung out. That process pretty much repeated itself until like 3:30 when I walked over to the baseball game with Jess and KB. Watched an AMAZING baseball game that the Rebs pulled out in the 8th inning, so lots of drama and entertainment going on there. Then met up with some people for dinner, then Robert Randolph which was also AMAZING. One of my favorite shows ever, seriously. Then met up with more people for a little late night food action, then I crashed. Today, I wake up rested but completely sunburned due to the great weather and my Chaco tan is coming in nicely. Great day, perhaps one of the greatest days.

Best E-Mail Ever

Congratulations on being selected for Team 7 (forest green shirts) of the Scituate Soccer Club! My name is Michael and I have been fortunate enough to be selected to coach what I know will be a wonderful group of young ladies. Chris Mac will also be coaching and I expect the ever popular Terry to return to the sidelines. Our first game will be Saturday April 4 at 10:00AM. There will be a half hour of skills followed by a 1 hour game, so total time will be 1.5 hours. All games will be played on the fields in the front of the High School. Each player will be required to wear shin guards and cleats are recommended but not required. A ball will be provided to each player at the first meeting, and each player should bring the ball to games and practices. There is no set practice time allotted for the U8 teams, but I will convene with the coaches to determine the best time and place. If there are cancellations due to rain, all notices will be posted via the Scituate Soccer Club website, no calls will be made (though I will try to send an email). Attached is the Schedule and Code of Conduct. After listening to the head of the referees drone on for about 30 minutes on the dangers of jewelry (time which I will never get back), no player will be allowed to play with pierced ears, hairclips, etc. We used to tape the earings, but that practice is no longer acceptable. Please let me know if your child has any health issues that I need to be aware of. My home phone is 781 XXX XXXX, my cell number is 781 XXX XXXX, and I check my email frequently. According to my wife, my emails get too wordy, so for those of you read too slowly, are easily offended, or are too busy, you can stop here. For the others……

OK, here’s the real deal: Team 7 will be called Green Death. We will only acknowledge “Team 7” for scheduling and disciplinary purposes. Green Death has had a long and colorful history, and I fully expect every player and parent to be on board with the team. This is not a team, but a family (some say cult), that you belong to forever. We play fair at all times, but we play tough and physical soccer. We have some returning players who know the deal; for the others, I only expect 110% at every game and practice. We do not cater to superstars, but prefer the gritty determination of journeymen who bring their lunch pail to work every week, chase every ball and dig in corners like a Michael Vick pit bull. Unless there is an issue concerning the health of my players or inside info on the opposition, you probably don’t need to talk to me. Coach MacDonald has been designated “good guy” this year.

Some say soccer at this age is about fun and I completely agree. However, I believe winning is fun and losing is for losers. Ergo, we will strive for the “W” in each game. While we may not win every game (excuse me, I just got a little nauseated) I expect us to fight for every loose ball and play every shift as if it were the finals of the World Cup. While I spent a good Saturday morning listening to the legal liability stuff, which included a 30 minute dissertation on how we need to baby the kids and especially the refs, I was disgusted. The kids will run, they will fall, get bumps, bruises and even bleed a little. Big deal, it’s good for them (but I do hope the other team is the one bleeding). If the refs can’t handle a little criticism, then they should turn in their whistle. The sooner they figure out how to make a decision and live with the consequences the better. My heckling of the refs is actually helping them develop as people. The political correctness police are not welcome on my sidelines. America’s youth is becoming fat, lazy and non-competitive because competition is viewed as “bad”. I argue that competition is good and is important to the evolution of our species and our survival in what has become an increasingly competitive global economy and dangerous world. Second place trophies are nothing to be proud of as they serve only as a reminder that you missed your goal; their only useful purpose is as an inspiration to do that next set of reps. Do you go to a job interview and not care about winning? Don’t animals eat what they kill (and yes, someone actually kills the meat we eat too – it isn’t grown in plastic wrap)? And speaking of meat, I expect that the ladies be put on a diet of fish, undercooked red meat and lots of veggies. No junk food. Protein shakes are encouraged, and while blood doping and HGH use is frowned upon, there is no testing policy. And at the risk of stating the obvious, blue slushies are for winners.

These are my views and not necessarily the views of the league (but they should be). I recognize that my school of thought may be an ideological shift from conventional norms. But it is imperative that we all fight the good fight, get involved now and resist the urge to become sweat-xedo-wearing yuppies who sit on the sidelines in their LL Bean chairs sipping mocha-latte-half-caf-chinos while discussing reality TV and home decorating with other feeble-minded folks. I want to hear cheering, I want to hear encouragement, I want to get the team pumped up at each and every game and know they are playing for something.

Lastly, we are all cognizant of the soft bigotry that expects women and especially little girls, to be dainty and submissive; I wholeheartedly reject such drivel. My overarching goal is develop ladies who are confident and fearless, who will stand up for their beliefs and challenge the status quo. Girls who will kick butt and take names on the field, off the field and throughout their lives. I want these girls to be winners in the game of life. Who’s with me?

Go Green Death!

one of my favorite things...

the other day, i was driving down the road and the jimmy eat world song kill came on my ipod. i love that song, but i haven't heard it in forever. so i listened to it a couple of times and then put on the entire album, futures, and just basked in the awesomeness of jimmy eat world. and it got me thinking about how many times that really happens. how many times am i just driving down the street and a song comes on and it takes me way back when and a whole new set of memories opens up? i love how that happens. not that i'm trying to relive high school, but some songs really do just take me back to a different time.

i don't know, this was just a blurb that i've been thinking about for a few days. it is an incredible thing - how a song can just take you to a time and place that's so much different, whether happy or sad. it's pretty freakin' cool.

The New Year

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

So, with the new year comes my annual existential breakdown.  I'm not 100% sure if the word "existential" applies to the current situation, but I choose to use it anyway.  If anyone reads that and is bothered by it...well thanks for being the one person that actually reads this.  

Anyways, about this time every year I reflect on the past year (as I was watching the NFL playoffs last Sunday, I thought to myself "man it's been a year since the Super Bowl."  That's what triggered it this year...ha.)  I think about what's happened and all that and wow...what a year it's been.  I am literally in the very last place I thought I would be at this point.  Last year over the break I was spending time up in the Seattle area and seriously considering moving up there to take a job on Young Life staff.  Eventually I more or less decided to go, and was getting geared up for the seemingly impossible amount of money I had to raise.  I knew God was bigger than money, though, and I knew if it was His plan for my life, then the money would come.  I repeated Jeremiah 29:11 over and over and over again, and I was ready to tackle it.  Then the rug was kinda pulled out from under me.  I had decided to double major in Political Science and Liberal Arts.  Liberal Arts consists of 3 minors, and I had chosen History, English, and Journalism.  Everything was in order to graduate, or so I thought, and I went to commencement and walked and all that fun stuff.  Then, two weeks later, I got a call saying I didn't actually graduate and I had to come back to retake a class I had made a D in.  The worst part was that I got the call while I was at Young Life camp on what is possibly the most important day of the week - the day that the truth about our fallen human condition is presented.  

"Welfare."  The word in that verse confused me.  What is welfare?  Is it for my ultimate good?  Is it something that is material?  What exactly is it?  Well, tonight as I looked at that verse I checked the footnote, and the word used in the Hebrew is "shalom."  Peace.  Not just the absence of conflict, but ultimate peace that only can stem from a relationship with God.  Peace that surpasses all understanding.  This is a concept I am just now learning as I reflect upon 2008.

The next few months were almost a complete blur.  I spent the summer in Branson, Missouri, for Discipleship Focus, and though I was living in "community," I had never felt lonelier.  Comparing it to DF the first time I did it as well as my incredible experience at Malibu the summer before was inevitable.  I couldn't help but think about the community we had developed in Canada in just a few short days and wonder why the sense of community never developed over an entire summer, for me at least.  

After I made it through that, I made the decision to stay in school for an entire year and get a second degree as well as finish up the first, which I am now on pace to do.  The first degree is finally finished!  The semester itself, though, was miserable.  I felt even more alone than during the summer.  Everything suffered - my relationship with others, my relationship with God (which was probably the reason for everything else suffering), my attitude towards school, Young Life, everything.

"Shalom" - the ultimate sense of peace that comes only from a relationship with God.  The last two weeks or so of the semester were completely different.  I began to read the Bible and focus on my relationship with Christ more, and as I focused on that relationship, my relationships with others began to develop.  God also met some of the desires he had put on my heart when I began to look to Him to fulfill those desires instead of trying to fulfill them myself, which got...um...interesting.  "Shalom."  Even though I don't believe I am perfect - or anywhere close to it - I have recovered that sense of peace.  

The Christmas/New Year's break was fantastic.  A couple of great road trips, a huge bowl game, and a fantastic girlfriend later made this one of the best Christmas breaks ever.  And now I find myself here, at 4:45 in the morning, thinking about the upcoming year.  There are way more questions than answers:

Do I go on Young Life staff?

Do I go to seminary?

Where should I do either of those two options?

What should I do this summer?

What should I do job-wise this semester?

There are others, but those are most of the major ones.  The wonderful thing is that I do feel this sense of peace.  So, in a way, I'm in exactly the same place I was last year.  And I guess I just need to ring in the New Year with a Bible verse:

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

Shalom!

<3>

Football Conference Supremacy?

I was listening to a radio call-in show today and a guy called in and started talking about the PAC-10's dominance in bowl games this year.  Now, to their credit, 5-0 is impressive.  

The PAC-10 in bowl games:

Arizona beat BYU

Cal beat Miami

Oregon beat Oklahoma State

Oregon State beat Pitt (in a 3-0 barn burner, might I add)

USC beat Penn State

I won't make any statements as to the quality of the teams the PAC-10 played, but I do think it's interesting that the PAC-10 finished their bowl games the day after the SEC started theirs.  With the exception of the GMAC bowl and a few others, the "better" bowl games are typically played later.  So that right there is interesting in and of itself.

Then, the caller said that the SEC was overrated for 2 reasons.  The first was because the SEC has lost 2 bowl games thus far.  The second was because the SEC "never played tough teams outside of the conference."  

First, the bowl argument.  The SEC in bowl games this year:

South Carolina lost to Iowa

Alabama lost to Utah

LSU beat Georgia Tech

Ole Miss beat Texas Tech

Georgia beat Michigan State

Kentucky beat Eastern Carolina

Vanderbilt beat Boston College

The guy may have had a point about the bowl records, but half of the PAC-10 wasn't bowl eligible.  Half of their league made it, while 8 of the 12 SEC teams were eligible.  Stanford and Arizona both came within one game of eligibility, while Tennessee, Auburn, and Arkansas were all within one game.  Maybe that speaks for the difficulty of the SEC over the difficulty of the PAC-10, but using bowl games to determine conference supremacy isn't a great way to say who's better.  

Now, the winner of the PAC-10 and the winner of the SEC are always going to be elite teams.  Same with the Big XII and some years (but apparently not most) the Big 10+1 will be too.  The ACC and Big East...not so much.  Anyway, you have to compare more than just the best teams in the league to determine which conference is the best, which leads me to my next point.

The caller was bragging about the PAC-1o stepping out to play other BCS conference teams and how the SEC didn't do that.  That, in and of itself, was a blatant falsehood, but he also went on to say that the SEC only plays FBS teams and all that.  He, nor the hosts, made any mention of Washington and Washington State's impressive combined 2-23 record.  Conference record wise (Tennessee actually had a better conference record than Kentucky, but their overall record wasn't bowl eligible), the two worst SEC teams were 11-14 combined, and both of those teams (Mississippi State and Kentucky) won more than one conference game.  So, of course a PAC-1o team isn't going to schedule an FBS team because they play 2 teams that would probably barely even pass for FBS teams.

Finally, the caller and the hosts completely failed to mention the SEC stepping out and playing BCS conference teams.  The caller bragged about USC playing Ohio State (who sucks) and Virginia (who also sucks).  He said SEC teams only play FBS teams, or at least non-BCS teams.  The caller and the hosts completely failed to mention the following games:

Alabama beat Clemson

Georgia beat Arizona State

Georgia lost to Georgia Tech

Florida beat Florida State

Florida beat Miami

Vanderbilt lost to Duke

Vanderbilt lost to Wake Forest

Ole Miss lost to Wake Forest

Mississippi State lost to Georgia Tech

South Carolina beat North Carolina State

South Carolina lost to Clemson

Tennessee lost to UCLA

Kentucky beat Louisville

Auburn lost to West Virginia

Arkansas lost to Texas

So, the SEC played 15 games against BCS non-conference teams.  In a down year, they only won 6, with no help from LSU as they played no BCS non-conference teams

USC beat Virginia

USC beat Ohio State

USC beat Notre Dame

Oregon beat Purdue

Oregon State lost to Penn State

Cal beat Michigan State

Cal lost to Maryland

Stanford lost to Notre Dame

Arizona State lost to Georgia

UCLA beat Tennessee

Washington State lost to Oklahoma State

Washington State lost to Baylor

Washington lost to Oklahoma

Washington lost to Notre Dame

The PAC-10, who supposedly plays more BCS non-conference opponents, played 14 games (15>14, for those West Coast types who prefer self-esteem to actual math and science marks).  They won 6 and lost 8.

Head to head, the conferences were 1-1 against each other.  

The SEC got 8 teams into bowls, the PAC-10 only 5.  The PAC-10's weak conference schedule is what held USC out of the title game.  This was a down year in college football in general, and I don't really know what this post proves or claims one way or the other, but the PAC-10 is not the best conference in football.  Never has been, never will be.  The SEC will likely be hoisting its third BCS Championship banner in as many years Thursday night. 

Demons

I cast out a demon today.  

My dad and I went to eat lunch, and then his truck broke down, so we called my mom to come pick us up.  As we were driving back to the house, mom's radio started wigging out and my dad goes "Oh, your radio is possessed by a demon."  I jokingly put my hand on the radio and said "The power of Christ compels thee."  My mom looked at me and said "Don't make fun of that" and right as she did the radio started working right again.

I have realized my calling as a faith healer/demon hunter.