Confessions, pt. I

So I have a bit of a confession to make. Not divulging any dirty little secrets here or anything like that, but this is something I need to get off my chest...

I have been deceived. You can say I've believed a lie, been tricked, whatever…but the fact remains I have been believing that something untrue was true, and it has been holding me back.

This morning, in class, I came to the realization that I have believed that "getting by" and, maybe more importantly, "doing better" were good enough ways to get through life. As a side note, this class on sanctification has been unbelievable. Not necessarily the class itself, but how it has forced me to actually sit down and take a look at my own life. It also kind of goes hand in hand with another post I made recently about being a doer of the word and not just a hearer.

But how many of us just "get by"? I often think to myself, although it's not always a conscious thought, "well, I only do this once or twice a week" or "well, I'm not out doing THAT all the time, so I'm OK" and after those thoughts I usually follow up with "so I'm OK" or "I'm doing better." And I guess if I compare myself to myself or compare myself to others then I can say that and feel OK about it (which is not to say that I'm better than anybody else, but it's just that rationalization of our sin that we all go through). But, if Christ is the center of my life, instead of other people, or way more likely, myself, then no matter how much better I am than I used to be or how much less I do something than someone else, I still pale in comparison to the goal. And I don't say that to say that I have to be perfect, because that is what this whole sanctification process is about. It's not like you just get saved and all of a sudden you don't struggle with anything anymore.

But I have realized that I am accepting less than God's best for me, because until this point I have been unwilling (maybe ashamed, maybe apathetic, maybe…any number of things) to bring my sin to the forefront and deal with it, and when it comes down to it I think this is a big part of the reason that I've just been content with getting by.

I don't know if that was really coherent. It's kind of early…at least by my standards…I'm hungry, and I have a ton of other stuff to do but I felt like I needed to write first to clear my mind a little.

"Be killing sin or it will be killing you." - John Owen