Who I Am

Normally when I make a post on here, I'll link it to Facebook and Twitter, but I think I'll probably keep this one on the down low…which I mean I guess people might read it anyway but it's not me broadcasting it to the world in the way that I normally do. Maybe I will though. I haven't decided yet.

Part of asking God to reveal certain ways about me has led to a few revelations. One of which I shared in my last post about how I always try to find ways to be miserable. I'm happy to say that since I realized that, I have recognized several opportunities I had to feel miserable and I took those thoughts captive and did not allow it. So I'm kind of excited about that.

But, the other thing that I have just now realized - I am who I am. My past is what it is. And, honestly, it's a little boring. I didn't drink in high school. I didn't smoke weed. I've never had sex. I didn't even struggle with profanity until I got to college, and even now, I don't exactly curse like a sailor. I went to church, went to Young Life, listened most of the time, and outside of being cynical, didn't really cause a lot of trouble.

I don't say any of that to brag on myself, because I have my struggles. I know my heart and I know that, as it says in Jeremiah 17:9, my heart is deceitful and desperately sick. But, I guess I'm writing this to say I'm not embarrassed. In the past, when people have told stories about sitting around getting drunk or getting high or sleeping around I've felt the need to throw in some story about how I did something stupid once too, even if it doesn't relate. It's almost like it was awkward to me that I didn't get drunk and hook up with a random girl every weekend in high school and college.

But part of this process 0f growing up involves realizing who I am and where I've been and what I've done. I've been labeled a goody-goody, and you know what? It may be true. And…I'm OK with that.

I don't want this to come off as self-righteous. Believe me I know what a screw up I am and I know my thoughts. But I'm coming to terms with who I am. I'm unbelievably lazy at times, I'm out of shape, I eat terrible food, and I struggle mightily with some pretty embarrassing things. Those things just don't happen to be alcohol or drugs or sex. And I'm going to try to not be so freaking awkward about that anymore. Or…maybe just embrace the awkwardness that inherently comes with it. I don't know.

Also, I'm finally writing songs! I've got three going right now - one is a project with Ben, Micah, and Boudreaux, and the other two are almost completely written and I'm somewhat pleased with them. I have a fourth in the works, too. So I'm pretty stoked about it. Anyway, I'm out. Gots to sleep.

Awkwardly,

Chandler