Who I Am

Normally when I make a post on here, I'll link it to Facebook and Twitter, but I think I'll probably keep this one on the down low…which I mean I guess people might read it anyway but it's not me broadcasting it to the world in the way that I normally do. Maybe I will though. I haven't decided yet.

Part of asking God to reveal certain ways about me has led to a few revelations. One of which I shared in my last post about how I always try to find ways to be miserable. I'm happy to say that since I realized that, I have recognized several opportunities I had to feel miserable and I took those thoughts captive and did not allow it. So I'm kind of excited about that.

But, the other thing that I have just now realized - I am who I am. My past is what it is. And, honestly, it's a little boring. I didn't drink in high school. I didn't smoke weed. I've never had sex. I didn't even struggle with profanity until I got to college, and even now, I don't exactly curse like a sailor. I went to church, went to Young Life, listened most of the time, and outside of being cynical, didn't really cause a lot of trouble.

I don't say any of that to brag on myself, because I have my struggles. I know my heart and I know that, as it says in Jeremiah 17:9, my heart is deceitful and desperately sick. But, I guess I'm writing this to say I'm not embarrassed. In the past, when people have told stories about sitting around getting drunk or getting high or sleeping around I've felt the need to throw in some story about how I did something stupid once too, even if it doesn't relate. It's almost like it was awkward to me that I didn't get drunk and hook up with a random girl every weekend in high school and college.

But part of this process 0f growing up involves realizing who I am and where I've been and what I've done. I've been labeled a goody-goody, and you know what? It may be true. And…I'm OK with that.

I don't want this to come off as self-righteous. Believe me I know what a screw up I am and I know my thoughts. But I'm coming to terms with who I am. I'm unbelievably lazy at times, I'm out of shape, I eat terrible food, and I struggle mightily with some pretty embarrassing things. Those things just don't happen to be alcohol or drugs or sex. And I'm going to try to not be so freaking awkward about that anymore. Or…maybe just embrace the awkwardness that inherently comes with it. I don't know.

Also, I'm finally writing songs! I've got three going right now - one is a project with Ben, Micah, and Boudreaux, and the other two are almost completely written and I'm somewhat pleased with them. I have a fourth in the works, too. So I'm pretty stoked about it. Anyway, I'm out. Gots to sleep.

Awkwardly,

Chandler

Thoughts From a Sleepless Thursday Morning

I was woken up this morning at 7:45 by a text message I received. Normally I put my phone on silent when I go to sleep but I was expecting a call this morning, but I was thinking more in the 11-12 range. Instead, 7:45. So I laid in bed for a while, couldn't go back to sleep, got up, played some Battlefield: Bad Company 2, then got bored with it so I figured I'd do some writing. Haven't done it in a few weeks and there are some things on my mind.

First off, I have a job. At least I'm on a test run for a job. I'm going to be working with the sports ministry at Ridgecrest Baptist Church in Madison, which is really exciting for several different reasons. I'm getting a chance to work with some close friends, I'm getting a chance to work in ministry, I'm getting a chance to work around sports, and…money. It's not about the money and it's not much money, but it's a start. So I'm excited for that.

Next, I've got a cool opportunity to start playing music with some pretty cool guys. I'm playing a little banjo, a little guitar, and doing a little singing. We're apparently working on writing some stuff and I have some ideas bouncing around in my mind, but true to form I'm dealing with some extreme frustration in getting those ideas from my brain to paper in a form that is singable or poetic or whatever. But either way I'm having a great time with it.

I've realized something about myself that is a bit disheartening and it ties in with something that I have been dealing with through my classes in seminary. Last night I was doing some praying and was thinking about Psalm 139:23-24, which reads:

"Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting!"

So every now and then when you pray things God answers you. Crazy how that works. Through a few situations last night God put it on my heart that I try to find ways to be miserable. It's like when things are going well I try to find something to be jealous about or focus on something I don't have rather than the gifts I have been given. That's not exactly a great thing to realize about yourself, but coming to that realization is a pretty significant thing. And I started to think to myself…"what am I doing to take control of these thoughts and situations to make them better?" Which is where it ties in to some of the things I've been dealing with through class. For several years I've had my own ideas about sanctification - and by that I mean the process of becoming holy. More Christlike. That kind of thing. Whether it came from bad teaching or my own faulty interpretation I came to realize that this process is not something that just happens. It's not something that we just sit around and wait for the Spirit to move and then we're just magically more like Christ. I mean, there is a certain aspect of sanctification that is up to the Spirit, but I'm starting to realize it's a cooperative process and I mean in more ways than just making yourself available. We are to crucify our flesh, and I realized that instead of taking an active fight against the sin in my life, I've been buying in to the "Let Go and Let God" mentality, and I just don't think that is entirely Biblical. Again, there is some truth to it, but I think with the way that it's taught in a lot of circles right now is just leading to this lazy, passive Christianity that isn't really Christianity at all. That's another topic for another day, but the point of this is just the realization that our faith is not a noun. It's not just this thing that we have that we just kind of sit around and hope it grows. It's more of a verb than anything - it's something we do, something we have to tend to every day. I'm coming to this realization and it's rocking my world more or less. I think part of what I'm talking about can be explained like this. Imagine a couple - a guy and a girl. They want to be Christians, they want to be holy, but they are in love (or whatever) and do what people in love do. Now, they may pray on their own (or even together) that they would be pure with God and pure with each other, they may be "presenting" it to God, but the fact is if they are constantly finding themselves in situations where it's just the two of them alone in a dark room at night, eventually they're going to slip up. That's just how people are wired. James tells us in 1:22-25:

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.

I can't just sit around and hear the great things the Bible says and then just blow them off. God's Word demands a response - I have to act on it. For example, the couple in the aforementioned illustration has to understand 1 Corinthians 6:18. They have to hear it. But not only that, they have to DO it. And it's like that with every passage in the Bible - it demands a response. People don't encounter Jesus and then sit around and wait for the Spirit to move.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts on a restless morning. Maybe I'll get a chance this afternoon to catch up on some sleep but I'm not holding my breath.

William C. Rowlen (that's how I sign things sometimes…ha)

Birthday Reflections

So I turned 25 today. Not going to lie - I was feeling kind of bummed out when I got up to go to class so I was definitely dragging. But right as I was getting on I-55, my iPod settled on a song that I haven't heard in a while - "Tomorrow is Another Day" by MXPX. When I was younger, I thought it was just fun pop-punk music to listen to but today the lyrics really set in to me in a way they haven't really done so before, and then that got me to thinking about what my five favorite albums of my previous 25 years would be…so I thought about it a lot and this is what I came up with.

5. The Ataris - So Long, Astoria


When I got it: Summer after senior year of high school
Favorite song(s): Radio #2, Summer '79, Takeoffs and Landings

I got this album at a CD store in Seaside, Florida during "first week," which is the time honored tradition where Northeast Jackson high school students went down to Destin, Florida for a week's worth of high school debauchery. My close friends and I weren't so inclined so we pretty much spent the week on the beach outside of the "senior house" playing guitar and skimboarding. So one night we headed down to Seaside for dinner and my friend Jordan and I went to the CD store and I stumbled across this album. I knew the song "Radio #2" from a movie soundtrack I had, and "In This Diary" was kind of big at the time, so I bought it and good grief did I listen to the crap out of it. It really hit close to home - the whole album's recurring theme seems to be about the point and time in your life when you grow up and leave home - which is exactly what we were in the middle of doing. We pretty much rocked out to that thing all week long. Also, it featured a great cover of Don Henley's "The Boys of Summer" that was pretty awesome.

4. The Avett Brothers - Emotionalism


When I got it: Spring of my senior year of college
Favorite song(s): Paranoia in Bb Major, Die Die Die, Shame, Go to Sleep, In the Curve

OK so a little backstory. I'd been hearing some things about The Avett Brothers for a while. They had even played at Double Decker the year before, but I didn't go because I didn't know who they were (and I was also really tired). But I had heard about them from several friends and I randomly was in the car with my friend Emily and she was playing it and my first thought was "OMG I have to get this." So I burned it from her and listened to it nonstop. Even now, the songs I listed as my favorites are ones I spend lots of time listening to and playing on the guitar and (hopefully again soon) the banjo. Which touches on something completely else - they inspired me to pick up a new instrument that was WAY more fun than I ever thought it would have been. Plus it opened up the door for several other bands in a genre I hadn't really listened to before, like Old Crow Medicine Show, Carolina Chocolate Drops, Yonder Mountain String Band, and Mumford & Sons. I know those aren't all exactly the same genre, but I think it's safe to say that I wouldn't have given them much of a chance if not for Seth, Scott, and Bob. Also, not to mention I have now seen them in concert and I own all of their albums.

3. Relient K - The Anatomy of the Tongue in Cheek


When I got it: I'm going to guess it was around tenth grade but I'm not 100% sure on that…it came out in 2001
Favorite song(s): Pressing on, Sadie Hawkins Dance, Maybe It's Maybeline, For the Moments I Feel Faint

This one came at a time when I was messing around with a few friends playing music…can't really call them bands but it was fun. The music was fun and catchy, not to mention incredibly encouraging. "Pressing On" was awesome - such a positive, upbeat message and a song that was relatively easy to play even though it sounded super cool. This was also a gateway album in that it led me to be a huge fan of the band in general (for example, I probably couldn't tell you another Ataris song besides the ones on So Long).

2. MXPX - Slowly Going the Way of the Buffalo


When I got it: gosh…like eighth grade? I can't even remember
Favorite song(s): Under Lock and Key, Tomorrow's Another Day, I'm OK, You're OK, Cold and All ALone, Party, My House, Be There, Set the Record Straight…gosh who am I kidding? Every one of them

This one really should be 1b. to 1a., which I will name next. There is nothing else to say than this album is incredible. This came during my formative years…I was like…13 when I got this one? I don't remember but it was still during my mall rat days. At the time, it was just loud music, but as I've grown up and reflected on the lyrics and stuff…man it's good. And though I'm sure the songs aren't necessarily as theologically accurate as they should be, it was awesome to me because it was good Christian music that wasn't like…mainstream stuff. Which is not to say I am against mainstream music but it was at a time when I was getting really frustrated with Christian music so it was awesome to have stuff I could really relate to.


1. Five Iron Frenzy - Proof that the Youth are Revolting


When I got it: Summer after senior year
Favorite song(s): All of them

I literally love every song on this album. Even though it's a live recording, it's still awesome because you get a feel for who the members of FIF are as people. And they are hilarious. Which, again, came at an important time in my life. I was moving on to college and finding upbeat, fun, good, encouraging music was really important at the time. Not to mention stuff that was pretty much an in-your-face affirmation of what I believed. This was also a gateway album because now I have every single FIF album and I have branched out to a few other ska acts and now I feel like I genuinely love the genre and hope it will one day return.

So there's my list. These aren't necessarily my favorite bands (although 3 of them are) or albums that I feel like are necessarily the best (Emotionalism I think is one of the best albums of the last few years for sure though) but it's just stuff that came along at just the right time in my life and showed me some things I didn't know that really helped me out.

So there ya go.
-Chanchan