Odds and Ends

I really need to get to sleep because I have to get up at 6:30 or so tomorrow morning for my first full day of seminary. And by full I mean 8 to 8. So yeah...gonna be a long day.

But for whatever reason I feel compelled to write tonight, so I guess I will.

I finally feel like things are legitimately going well. Not perfect, because things never are, and honestly certain things could be a heck of a lot better. Particularly family health issues. I'm kind of in a tough place with that. And here's why: my grandmother has had alzheimer's for a while now. She's gotten to the point where she really has no idea who anyone is or what's going on. And then she got sick, some kind of pneumonia or something. And so, I'm sitting here thinking...what am I supposed to think right now? It's tough, because if she gets better from the pneumonia (which she is showing some signs of improving), she goes right back to the nursing home where she doesn't know anyone or anything. And if she doesn't, she suffers for a while and then dies. So it's just kind of like...what do you do? Especially when you KNOW that relief comes in death, because she's definitely a Christian and lived a long life of service to Christ. So it's just a really difficult situation to be in. And I know that should he decide to, God can restore her health fully. Memory back, health back, everything. So all I can really say right now is just that I trust in God to do what He's gonna do. His ways are not mine and sometimes we just have to accept that there are things beyond our comprehension, because he promises us in Romans 8:28 that "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

Moving away from Oxford was the smartest decision I have made in a long time. It's a great place, and now that I'm gone I've struck such a healthy balance with it. I can go up for games or for a night or so and come back home the next day and I don't have to walk back into things that were going on up there. And it's funny how you like a place a lot more when you actually feel welcome there, which definitely was not the case the last few months. In relation to that, I have been praying a lot for God to heal some stuff, I guess you could say wounds, from the way stuff ended up there. Mostly for the strength to forgive. I can't do it on my own, I know that for sure.

Another thing I've been thinking of a lot is John 3:17. Not 3:16, 3:17. 3:16 gets a lot of hype (and deservedly so - it sums up the Gospel almost entirely in just a few words), but 3:17 is also beautiful. It says: "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him." I was at a Bible study Tuesday morning and we had a prayer time where we put on some music and just prayed, and during one of the songs the singer spoke John 3:16 and then I started thinking about 3:17. And I started to wonder - does my life reflect John 3:17? What I mean by that is, as Christians, we have truth. We know the way, the truth, and the life. And yet we walk around with a condemning spirit towards things that are wrong. It's easier to tell sinners they are going to hell if they don't stop what they are doing. And that is true - they will. But that's not the attitude we are to have. We have the truth that we may share it with others - not so that we can run around condemning everything. I could write a ton more about that but for the time being I won't.

Finally, I used to hate Christian music. I mean, I thought it was cheesy and boring and all that, but through my experience of leading worship (weird, right? I hated the music but I led worship. It doesn't make sense) I've realized how beautiful praise songs are. Even if it's not a "great" song, just the magnitude of praising God to music is amazing. It's an incredible gift He's given us. I mean, a ton of the Old Testament was written to be sung. So that's pretty cool. And no, I'm probably not ever going to be the kind of person that is going to pop in a praise CD and listen to it like 24/7 and I probably won't listen to Christian radio, (I might if I ever get satellite radio, but I just hate the radio besides ESPN radio) but I definitely appreciate it more than ever before. And it's definitely good to have a meditation time or a quiet time or whatever where you just play some soft music to set the mood and think about Christ.

And to expand on the above, I love hymns. "Come Thou Fount," "What Wondrous Love Is This," "For All The Saints," and "On Jordan's Stormy Banks I Stand" are some of my favorites. Hymns are so cool for several reasons...they have stood the test of time for one. But in a time where everything we believe comes into question, (it's the postmodern age, duh) it's great to sing the old hymns that boldly proclaim what we believe. The new songs definitely have a place, too, but there's something about proclaiming "A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing!" I mean, I got chills just typing that. It's just a proclamation of what we believe, and again, it's set to music. I think it's pretty cool.

So...I've stayed up too late yet again, but my itch to write has been scratched for the time being. I'll leave you (to anyone who might accidentally stumble across this) with a blessing:

Numbers 6:24-26:
The Lord bless you and keep you
the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you
the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.

-chanchan

The Mundane

I have come to the realization that my walk with Christ struggles more in the mundane times than it does in any other time. The last several months have really proven that for me.

When things are good, I find it easy to walk with Christ because I can be mindful of the good things going on and constantly be thankful. Take last summer for example. I had a job (or two) and a solid group of friends to hang out with pretty much all the time. Stuff was just generally pretty good, and my walk with Christ was solid. When things are bad, I find it makes way more sense to walk with Christ because I feel a need for him more. I feel the constant need to present things and be mindful of the fact that He has plans for me. I don't know, it's kind of hard to explain. But it's just like with a friend - when things are going well, you're just glad to be in their presence. When things are going bad, you know how badly you need them.

But when things are just kind of boring, I lose sight of it. I know I have a lot to look forward to, but I wish I could just jump ahead even just one week to be able to get into something. But when you're just kind of stuck somewhere with no real options, it gets rough.

So, yeah. This wasn't as insightful as I'd hoped it would be, but I'm just processing some stuff right now. I feel pretty confident that they will.