Stranger Than Fiction...

As I'm about to go to bed right now, for some reason this thunderstorm has gotten me thinking about what is probably the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me. Some people have heard this story, some people haven't. But for whatever reason I feel the need to put it in writing.

During my junior year at Ole Miss (2005-2006 I think...it was the year before my marathon of senior years that ultimately resulted in me being a super-duper senior) I got a job working at everybody's favorite late-night chicken wing delivery place, Coop DeVille. My dad knew a guy who knew a guy and I wound up working there. I fried wings and made sandwiches. It was exciting stuff. Anyway, the next day, we hired a new guy. I won't mention his actual name here, in case he searches for his name and this comes up and he comes to my house and kills me. But anyway, this new guy had just moved to Oxford from out west to live with his girlfriend (and, as we would find out later, her mother) whom he had met in a chat room. We didn't think to ask what kind of chat room, which would have been a fantastic idea, but hindsight is always 20/20. Anyway, the day after I started working, they hired this new guy to be a delivery driver. He was an interesting looking dude, about as tall as me with long, nappy hair and a beard. Descriptions aren't important because there's video evidence of him later on in this story.

Delivery drivers need to have some kind of sense of where they are going. This guy didn't. It wasn't entirely his fault, because he was new, but he never really seemed to make an effort to figure out where he was going. It would take him literally over an hour and a half to make a few routine deliveries, and it was pretty frustrating because we'd get really backed up. He was a super nice guy though, just...well, he was one of those guys that was TOO nice. Example: one day I was working on something...can't remember exactly what...but he came up and asked me if I needed help. I said something along the lines of "no thanks man, I got it" and I thought that was it. Later on that night, he came up and was like "hey man, I wasn't trying to be an or anything, I just wanted to make sure you didn't need any help. Sorry about that."

So anyway, we started to notice that said some really weird things. He volunteered a few things that nobody really asked about. For example, he told us he was both bipolar and bisexual and just kind of left it open ended. He also told us that he liked to sit in graveyards at night and take pictures and then would try to find orbs and such in the pictures. Then, the weirdest comment of all - one night as I was cleaning out the freezer getting ready to go home, he said this: "Man, I just really like blood." And walked away. So...yeah. What do you do with that?

I also remember the night that hurricane Katrina hit. We were the only place open, and freaked out and went and got his girlfriend and she sat in the kitchen and just stared at everyone. It was creepy.

Things moved on like that. Little weird confessions here and there, until finally he told a co-worker that he would be on an A&E special and would likely become famous and he would quit and we would never see him again. My first thought was "that has never happened to anyone" but then I thought...wait...that's weird. The show was to air the Friday night before the Ole Miss/Auburn game, which would be in Auburn, and I started joking around with people that I worked with a vampire.

So that weekend rolls around, and I had gone to Auburn with a few friends. We were actually staying in Columbus, GA, at a friend's house, and everybody went out except for my friend Taylor and me. I remembered that would be on TV that night, so I looked up the program guide for A&E that night and sure enough, there was a documentary on vampires. I got a little nervous, but we turned it on, and this is what I saw:

Modern Vampires pt. 10

"Terran" was my co-worker, and "Tanneidhe" or whatever was his girlfriend. When I saw this, I freaked out. I mean, here is this guy I work with, on TV, sucking his girlfriend's blood. My only response was to grab the phone and call Coop. I asked for Jamie, who was a co-worker, and all I could say was "DUDE... IS A VAMPIRE. A VAMPIRE." (please note that I'm not a huge fan of profanity and I realize I should have used a different word. But...how many times has one of your co-workers been a vampire? Probably none. The level of freaking out was incredibly high. I had no idea what to do.)

Anyway, after recapping the story, I had no idea what to think. We went about our weekend, Ole Miss lost (of course), and then I went back to work. When I went back, I found a "Vampire FAQ" on the break table. I looked over it a little, but the only thing I remember was this question and answer:

Q. What does it feel like to be a vampire?
A. A lot like dancing naked in a warm summer rain.

Yep. So...that's what it feels like. Anyway, I quit shortly thereafter because, as I said before, was a vampire. I had a class with another guy I worked with the next semester and I asked him if still worked there. My friend said that he didn't. I asked why. His answer was "You mean besides the fact he went on TV and sucked someone's blood?" And I said...yeah, that's what I figured.

So...yeah. That's the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me.

Crazy Pro-Lifers and a Sobering Reality...

Today, Facebook and Twitter were abuzz with status updates about a van with pictures of dead babies and a pro-life message seen driving around Oxford today, and apparently one (or some) of the members stood in front of the student union and spoke/yelled/preached did something that made people mad. My response was much the same as what everyone else's was - disgust, perhaps slightly offended, and a little mad that these people were doing this in the name of Christ and they were misrepresenting...something.

But then, after thinking about it for a while, and thinking that my disgust, offense, and anger at what was happening was misplaced somehow, I realized something.

I was disgusted with myself.

I mean, think about it - what these crazy pro-lifers are saying is true. Those pictures, whether you find them offensive or not, are the grim reality of abortion. And I, as a Christian, have become so complacent that my offense is placed in someone exposing the reality of what is basically genocide.

I'm not saying that the right way to express disgust or moral indignation or...whatever...over abortion is yelling at people and showing them pictures of dead babies and standing outside of abortion clinics and picketing. But I do think it's a more complicated issue than we make it out to be.

Think about this - I see a commercial of starving kids in Africa, asking for money to donate, and I feel sympathy. Same with commercials for the humane society - I see pictures of starving, abused, and neglected dogs and cats, and my heart breaks. But I see pictures of dead babies and I'm offended that the people showing the pictures are misguided? What is wrong with me? I mean, when I see the pictures of abused animals, I think..."man, those people need to be put in jail." When I think about starving kids or invisible children, I think "man, where is justice here?" But when I see pictures of dead babies, I just label those people right wing nutjobs and try to push those images out of my mind as quickly as possible.

Shame. On. Me.

Right now, Matthew 25 stands out in my mind. It's the passage that I hate thinking about - the one that Jesus tells people "For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me." Then the people answer "Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?" And Jesus responds "Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me." And then those people go to Hell forever.

So...what? I mean, it's my tendency (don't know about yours) to look at those pictures and those people holding the pictures and turn away in disgust, but why am I not broken over it? Why am I not in despair over death and destruction to that level? Why am I not saddened by children who never get to breathe a breath here on earth, who never get the opportunity to grow and develop and...well...do all the things people get to do? Why am I not crushed over the hearts of those mothers who had to face the choice?

None of that is true of me. No, I just look and think "man, how can those people be so wrong" and I walk on my merry way and I never give it a second thought. Part of the Gospel is God acting on behalf of those who are helpless. I mean, this is probably a pretty vulgar example, but what if God saw pictures of us, dead in our sins, and just thought "man, what's wrong with those people?" about the people holding the signs?

I don't know. That's not a great example I'm sure - but what other great sin against humanity do I treat like that? I mean, I don't treat Invisible Children movement like that. I don't treat the Humane Society like that. I don't treat...I don't treat anything like that.

These thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks tonight in class, and it's all I've been able to think about for the last several hours. I pray God will forgive me for my indifference. I mean, I don't want to go out and hold up signs with pictures of dead babies. I'm pretty sure that's not necessarily the right way to handle it. But when was the last time I prayed or felt convicted over this issue? Ever? I don't ever want to see one of those pictures and not be broken over sin. I don't ever want to think about abortion and not be hurt for a world around me that is dying and going to Hell apart from the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

And maybe these crazy pro-lifers are on to something. Instead of serving as a point of disdain or disgust, perhaps these people should serve as an alarm clock. Maybe it's more like a loud, clangy alarm clock instead of the gentle harp sound from my iPhone, but hopefully it wakes me up one way or the other.

Windy Gap

Right now is one of those times I need to be reading, but instead I'm unwinding with some college basketball and a little writing. It's a perfect end to a pretty good day. But days like today always get me thinking and usually make me feel a little (ok, a lot) nostalgic. And by "days like today" I mean a completely blue, beautiful sky and great all around weather, though it was a little too cold to sit outside and read. And when I have "beautiful day" nostalgia (I am just now realizing the incredible opportunity I missed by not singing it with Bono at the top of my lungs with the windows rolled down) I go to one of two places - Malibu or Windy Gap.

Today it was Windy Gap, and I spent most of the day wishing I was sitting at the Sippin' Parlor in one of those big rocking chairs watching the various goings on around the lake...people getting blobbed, people playing disc golf, the ducks swimming, and knowing in all of these instances the gospel is being proclaimed to kids that have maybe never heard it before. And therein lies the beauty of that place - everything about it is a carefully, well thought out, intentional (although not always obvious) way to share the gospel. But I'll get to that later.

What do I miss about it? The beauty of it. I mean, it's up there in the North Carolina mountains. Everything is green. I remember clear days there - the bluest skies and greenest grass I have ever seen. Even on rainy days, it's a peaceful, calm, steady rain that just feels like it's cleansing the earth. On a clear night, you can see more stars than seemingly anywhere else. I always loved the "20 minutes of silence nights" when I got to lie in the grass and look up at the stars and KNOW I was having a conversation with the very God that put them into place. However, one of my fondest memories of Windy Gap came one night, during one of the 20 minute periods everything was turned off, when it was really cloudy. I actually remember being disappointed that the kids (and myself) wouldn't get to see the stars and I remember praying that God would show his glory anyway, and what I saw was the most incredible display of fireflies...well...fireflying that I have ever seen. It was phenomenal...you could see them all over everywhere and I thought about how much God loved us that he would create an insect that lit up like stars for no other reason than the fact that he could. That we could (and should) enjoy it. And then there's the view you get when you hike up the hill and overlook camp. There is nothing like it anywhere. It's great because it's beautiful but also because it reminds me how small I really am.

I miss it because of the memories I have there. Most are some of the fondest memories of my life, a few are very painful memories, but all of them are memories and experiences I can point to as growing experiences. It's the place that the wheels really started turning for what it meant to be a Christian (a process that took years, no doubt, but the process was significantly impacted). It's the place that I fell in love for the first (and only, so far) time. It's the place that I was blasted in the face with the reality that that same love was gone. And in the process of all of that, I learned and grew closer to the love that is greater than every other love - the love Christ has for me. Some of my closest friendships in the entire world were either begun or seriously cultivated there. It also was the place that I started to feel out of place in my situation at the time, if that makes sense. So there are just a lot of emotions that come up when I think about that place and want to be back there - physically and mentally and emotionally and spiritually.

I also miss it because it's literally holy ground. I never thought about it until a friend of mine pointed it out, but literally everywhere you stand on that property, somebody's life has been forever impacted and changed by the gospel. Think about that - where is a place, besides a Young Life camp - everywhere you stand, everywhere you see a person has come from death into life in Christ? (And I mean that seriously - where? Not in the sense that the answer is nowhere else but in the sense that I really want to know. So if you read this I'd love to hear your thoughts). Everything there, as I mentioned before, is specifically designed for the advancement of the gospel. Whether it's something as simple as Christian music playing in the background at the store or the Sippie, or the excellent, joyful service by the Work Crew and Summer Staff, or the way things are really spread out so that you can walk far enough to have great conversation about the beauty around you or the message from the speaker or just life in general during the trip. The gospel is presented in music, in talks, in example...I mean seriously, every way you can imagine. And, in addition to all that, you really get to be a kid again.

All this might sound cheesy. It probably is, and that's fine, because anybody that's been there gets it. It's an experience I wish everyone could have, and one I wish I could have again. And I will because you can go as an adult guest. So...when I have a family...we're so going to Windy Gap.

Just some thoughts,
-chanchan

More College Football...

For whatever reason, I'm really tired but can't seem to get motivated to get up and go to bed. It's also that time of year when SEC basketball is getting fired up and high school prospects all over the country are taking visits to decide where they are going to spend the next four to five years playing college football. Both of these have something in common - I've sworn them off a million times, yet continue to come back. I say "man, I can't stand to watch Ole Miss play basketball anymore" but then I know they're on TV or I know there's a big game in Oxford and I remember how much I love the game and how much I love my school and I'm watching. Same with recruiting. Every year, I say "man, I'm not following this stuff" but on the biggest recruiting weekends of the year, I'm right back online, reading articles and message boards trying to get a feel for who will be suiting up for the red and blue come September. Signing day, sometimes, is a great day and sometimes, it really sucks. But that's the beauty of sports, I guess. There's always next year.

But recruiting is interesting for another reason, especially in the state of Mississippi. It's funny, really, because everything gets so absurd. Accusations about cheating start to fly, crazy conspiracy theories get started, and grown men hang on every word 16 and 17 year old kids say. Absurd really and truly is the only word I can think of to describe it.

That said, the most common theme I've seen (on both sides of the fence - this year and years previous) is the whole "how could any recruit want to go to (insert school name here)." State fans ask themselves "how could any recruit go to TSUN? (or the plantation, ole myth, ole piss, ole mrs...) It's obvious Nutt is on his way out, their fans suck, the Grove is overrated, and everyone is a liar." Ole Miss fans ask themselves "how could any recruit go to Starkpatch? (or Starkghanistan, or the Land that Fun Forgot, or MissStake...) It's obvious Dan Mullen just wants to take the next available job once he gets a real offer, their stadium is small, Starkville sucks, or they have no tradition and everyone is a redneck." And the obvious conclusion, on both sides, is that the other is cheating. Now, I don't deny that a lot of cheating goes on in college football all over the place. And I think the notion that Ole Miss or State cheats more than the other is laughable. So, where does that leave us?

To me, it's a ridiculous discussion for a couple of reason.
1. The whole "one program is on the rise" argument is dumb. Think back 3 years ago. I have never seen a fanbase more deflated than State was after a loss to a rival when State lost to Ole Miss 45- on the way to a second place SEC West finish and a victory over nationally ranked Texas Tech. I remember leaving that game thinking "yep, we've buried them for good." Then they went out and hired a new coach, and the tables turned. Mullen proclaimed Mississippi State was a "program on the rise" and was the only such program due to a 5-7 season and a victory over Ole Miss (regardless of the fact he still hasn't backed that claim up). Then, this year, they had a pretty decent year (it wasn't great by any stretch) but it was a step in the right direction and resulted in a bowl win. The funny thing about it is the people who want to run around beating their chest as if they've turned some kind of corner. Just a year ago, things were still looking pretty rough. So I don't say this to say that one program is on the rise or anything like that, but just to remember how quickly things can change. All it takes is an injury here, a random turnover there, or an assistant coach leaving and the tides have totally turned.

2. The whole "I don't see how anyone could choose (insert name here)." Obviously, if I were a recruit, I would seriously consider Ole Miss and I wouldn't give Mississippi State a second thought. There are a lot of other people who would do it the same. There are also a lot of other people who would do it differently. Not everybody thinks the same way I do about anything. Some places fit different people better. More people need to understand this about...well...everything.

3. If Ole Miss wins the recruiting war, or if State wins the recruiting war, who really cares? One recruiting class does not define a program, and the reason Alabama and LSU are good every year is because they have stellar recruiting classes every year. They don't have a few top 20 finishes, they have top 5 finishes. And when you look at it, the gap is so wide between Ole Miss and State and the rest of the country it's not even funny. Yeah, a few years here and there we'll beat Florida and Georgia, Alabama or LSU, but as far as program stability, it's not even close. I was watching the BCS games this year thinking about how badly most of those teams would beat any of the Mississippi teams. Can you imagine how ugly TCU/Ole Miss would have gotten this year? Stanford/Mississippi State?

I don't say any of this to put anyone down, just to try to keep stuff in perspective. Sometimes, you just get beat. It's not that anyone cheated, sometimes people just work harder than you. Momentum swings back and forth.

I wish I could be a sportswriter.
-chanchan

SEC Loyalty

My last few posts have been of the more serious type, so I figured I'd change things up a little bit.

I'm a sports fan. I love basketball and football, particularly of the college variety but I'm a sucker for any kind of postseason (even though I think the bowl system and the BCS is the dumbest way to attempt to determine a champion. More on that later) whether it's NBA, NFL, college hoops, college football, and even sometimes pro baseball (sorry soccer, hockey, and college baseball, I don't care about you.) And, in gearing up for last night's BCS mythical national championship game, I kinda knew what was going to happen. People around here were going to start beating their chests about the SEC and SEC loyalty and of course they were going to pull for Auburn. I did not pull for Auburn, and (contrary to what some people think they know) it was not for any contrarian reason other than I like Oregon and have since Dennis Dixon and Jonathan Stewart played there a few years ago. I didn't grow up wearing green and yellow, but I like them. I'm fascinated with the Pacific Northwest, so Oregon, Oregon State, and Washington typically catch my eye when they're playing (sorry Washington State...) I've also had a couple of friends play football at Stanford so I like the PAC-10. I have my reasons, and they aren't just to be different.

That said, I don't get why everybody is into this "conference loyalty" thing. Maybe it's different for me because I attended an SEC institution, but when it comes to the SEC, and especially the SEC West, I hope every team outside of Ole Miss loses every game they play. Ever. Against anyone except for Ohio State (thanks, Arkansas), Notre Dame, Arizona State, any Big XII team besides Texas, or USC. So outside of that handful of teams, I hope the SEC West loses every game they play. Let me be clear on that. And I've got my reasons for each individual school. Personal reasons. Auburn, stole our coach and buys players. Alabama, they beat us all the time. Arkansas, Bobby Petrino sucks and their fans still won't leave us alone even though they've been to a BCS game since Nutt left. LSU is LSU. Everybody hates them. And Mississippi State because of the in state rivalry thing.

But for more than those reasons, too. It doesn't make sense for people loyal to a school to want a rival school to win. Particularly at places like Mississippi State and Ole Miss where the deck is already stacked against us in areas like recruiting, fanbase, media attention, and just general cash flow, it doesn't make sense to want to see your rival schools win because it's a zero sum game. Ole Miss is not going to benefit in any way, shape, or form from Auburn winning a mythical national championship, just like we didn't benefit from any of the other SEC teams that won the mythical national championship a few years ago (except POSSIBLY Florida because we beat them and it was a pretty big deal. But I'm not sure if it did or not.) In fact, it's going to hurt us because we're in direct competition for recruits with Auburn that are close enough battles that something like the mythical national championship could swing the momentum in the wrong direction for us.

It's a zero sum game. People don't seem to understand that. It makes your people have to work so much harder against so much more to move ahead. If a guy like Nick Saban is your coach, who doesn't give a crap what anyone else does as long as you do what you're supposed to do (a lot like John Wooden), then it's not that big of a deal. But that's why the Nick Sabans of the world are so rare.

Now, conference loyalty DOES make sense in basketball because RPI and strength of schedule are important factors in determining your postseason fate. But bowl games aren't decided like that. Bowl games, outside of the mythical national championship game and the rest of the BCS, are based on one thing and one thing only - how much money the participants are going to bring in to the city and the sponsors and other things like that. It's all about money.

People relate it to a family sometimes, but it's like a family where all the members hate each other and spend all year trying to get each other in trouble (ahem...Mississippi State and Auburn) and then when we get to bowl season we're all buddy buddy and are supposed to want them to win? Sorry, that just doesn't make sense to me. And maybe it doesn't make sense to me because I actually got to go to a school that I love athletically (as well as almost every other way you can love a school) and it makes sense to more casual fans. I don't know.

So what is it? Is it about respect? Is it about somehow sticking it to those yankees up north and those...whatever we call them out west to show them the south is the best? Is it...what? I don't really ever get any feedback on here, which is fine, but maybe somebody will answer. I just don't see too often when people start chanting "PAC-10! PAC-10! PAC-10!" after they win a bowl game (which they do quite often) the way people start the "SEC" chant after an SEC team wins a bowl game. Also, I'd be willing to bet that had Oregon won the game Monday night, a whole bunch of Stanford fans wouldn't have gone out and bought Oregon t-shirts the way people do down here. In fact, that's probably the one thing I'm grateful for about being confined to this house right now, is that I'm isolated from all that crap.

Maybe somebody will explain it to me. Maybe I'll see the light. But odds are I'm going to continue to stick by my Rebels through thick and thin, hope the rest of the SEC West loses, and wonder why, after such an incredible game, we don't have a college football playoff? I mean seriously - could you imagine a tournament with TCU, Stanford, Wisconsin, Oregon, Auburn, and Ohio State in there? I'm sure I'm leaving out a few, but dang, that would be fun.

Hotty Toddy
-chanchan

It's a New Year...

Something about the New Year brings out the cynic in me. I tend to resonate more with songs like Death Cab's "New Year" early every January - the whole "so this is the new year, and I don't feel any different" and stuff like that. This year, being all laid up on the couch and such (for now...2 more weeks and I can start to put weight on my leg aka walk) has maybe made me more reflective on the year that's just ended. Part of the thing about life is that regardless of what's happening you have to be constantly evaluating yourself, evaluating what's going on, and seeing what God is showing you through all of it. So what do I take away from the last year?

The easy answer is I don't know. God has done a lot, for sure, and despite some recurring struggles (which are also areas I have significantly improved in) I really think my relationship with Christ is stronger than ever. I've reevaluated (or is it re-evaluated? Reevaluated without the hypen just seems like a weird word to write. Whatever) a lot of things, like church and what I think it is and what purpose it serves and what my role is in it going forward. I've even come to the point of asking where I am supposed to be as it relates to the local church. I've gotten to walk into community. I've gotten definitive answers from God (that have been resounding "nos") in ways I never really have before. And it seems like every time I've wanted to fold up shop and quit what I'm doing, He's reassured me in ways that have been very clearly His reassurance.

I even think God has provided me with some specific direction in my life. There are some doors currently open that are very exciting prospects, and I can see how the "nos" from this year have shaped these opportunities and left these doors open.

So when I say "I don't know" it's not some ambiguous, nebulous thing that I just chalk up to some positive emotions and vibes as I tend to do a lot of the time when I really feel like God's not really doing anything in my life (really, it's an easy cop out). But saying "I don't know" just comes back to the way I've felt like God has always dealt with me...step by step. He obviously deals with people differently, but I've just never been one of those people who has had things figured out. And right when I think I have them figured out, things change. Funny how that works, right?

There was a lot of healing in 2010, too. In the aftermath of one of the lowest points of my entire life during the second half of 2009, God used a lot of people at church and at school to bring healing. There have also been times where, during study and devotional time, He has wrapped me in His arms and reminded me who I am and that what He says about me is what's important - not what anyone else said or did. And that is a phenomenal feeling.

But I'm excited to see what this new year holds. New relationships, new classes, new experiences, and hopefully a deeper, fuller relationship with Jesus Christ are on the horizon. Hopefully a job. Deeper community. More discipleship.

I don't know what 2011 holds, but 2010 was a pretty good year. Here's to another good one.

-chanchan

New Year's Resolution

I've never been good at New Year's resolutions. The one year I actually sat down and wrote them out, I lost the sheet I wrote them on and forgot what they all were. So this really isn't my thing. But, after I found out that I would have to miss the Avett Brothers show on New Year's Eve in Asheville, I figured I'd get a chance to see them again in 2011 and all would be well, and then I started to think even more - I live just a few hours away from cities like Birmingham, New Orleans, Memphis, Nashville, Dallas, and Atlanta and most of my favorite bands frequently play in those cities. I also have friends in almost all of those cities that I don't see all too often and would like to see more. THEN I realized my class schedule was entirely Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday with no Monday or Friday classes so there would be plenty of opportunities to visit these cities to visit people and go to shows. So, for me, hopefully 2011 will be the year of the concert for me. This list will probably grow in length because these are all the people I can come up with offhand. In 2011, I want to see:

Jimmy Eat World (February 19, Oxford)
The Avett Brothers (April 16, Dallas)
Mumford & Sons
Old Crow Medicine Show
Yonder Mountain String Band
NEEDTOBREATHE
The Dirty Guv'nahs
Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors
Wild Sweet Orange

Again...this list isn't definitive, but I want to see as many concerts as possible this year. I've already got tickets to Jimmy Eat World and The Avett Brothers, so it'll be interesting to see how many of these work out.

Happy New Year
-chanchan

Hey! Unto You a Child is Born!

Today, as I was taking a shower, Drew and Ellie Holcomb's cover of "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" came on and naturally, being a Christmas song, I sang along. As I was singing along, a line in the song that I've sung a million times in my life really hit me in a way it never has before. It's the line "peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled." And it hit me what it was saying. God, the creator of everything that has ever been or ever will be and everything we have seen and haven't...and sinners, me, who is selfish, lustful, arrogant, lazy...every other negative thing you can probably come up with...reconciled. The song rang especially true today, especially after I made a fool of myself yet again.

But then I started thinking of Christmas songs in general. And I mean...Christmas songs that are actually Christmas songs. The ones that proclaim the coming of Christ. While there are a lot of good ones that don't have anything to do Christ, those don't really make me stop and think. And after thinking about it, it makes me kinda sad that we don't sing these songs year round. They proclaim truths that we constantly need to be reminded of.

I mean, think about it. "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" is one of them. "Joy to the World!" talks about earth receiving her king and hearts preparing him room. And one of the sucky parts about growing up Southern Baptist is that we either don't sing hymns anymore or skip out the third stanza of hymns, and just now am I seeing the third stanza of "Joy to the World." It goes like this:

No more let sins and sorrows grow
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make his blessings flow
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found
Far as, far as, the curse is found

Whoa! That is phenomenal...the truth proclaimed here is just amazing. I mean, I really can't even put my thoughts into words right now. Think about this wicked, evil, screwed up world we live in. Shoot, think about yourself, and the crap in your own life. And here, with the coming of the Savior, the blessings flow as far as the curse of sin is found. Which is everywhere.

More than that, though..."O Come O Come Emmanuel." That one's pretty heavy. It proclaims a lot of the different names of Jesus, starting off with "Emmanuel" - God with us. Which kinda goes back to the theme of "Hark the Herald" - God dwelt among sinners. God...dwelt...among...sinners.

Think about "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" - one of my all time favorites. It tells tells the story of the coming of Christ, and then encourages believers with "tidings of comfort and joy." Because that is the ultimate comfort - realizing that:

For Jesus Christ our Saviour
Was born upon this day,
To save us all from Satan's power
When we were gone astray

There's no other comfort in this entire world. That blows my mind.

And this - the poem that "O Holy Night" is based on...

Midnight, Christians, it is the solemn hour,
When God-man descended to us
To erase the stain of original sin
And to end the wrath of His Father.
The entire world thrills with hope
On this night that gives it a Savior.

People kneel down, wait for your deliverance.
Christmas, Christmas, here is the Redeemer,
Christmas, Christmas, here is the Redeemer!

The ardent light of our Faith,
Guides us all to the cradle of the infant,
As in ancient times a brilliant star
Guiding the Oriental kings.
The King of Kings was born in a humble manger;
O mighty ones of today, proud of your grandeur,

It is to your pride that God preaches.
Bow your heads before the Redeemer!
Bow your heads before the Redeemer!

The Redeemer has overcome every obstacle:
The Earth is free, and Heaven is open.
He sees a brother where there was only a slave,
Love unites those that iron had chained.
Who will tell Him of our gratitude,
For all of us He is born, He suffers and dies.

People stand up! Sing of your deliverance,
Christmas, Christmas, sing of the Redeemer,
Christmas, Christmas, sing of the Redeemer!

Man. I didn't even know that before I started doing a little research to write this. I mean...I'm speechless.

And there are more. Think about "Away in a Manger" or "Silent Night." Obviously there's Handel's "Messiah" and the "For Unto us a Child is Born" movement. The list goes on.

So I guess I am writing this just to encourage anyone who may be reading this to really think about the words to the songs you sing this Christmas. Realize that these are praise songs - songs that proclaim the birth of our Savior. It really blew my mind to sit down and think about it today. Listen to them, think about them, reflect on them...but don't just sing them because they're "seasonal" or whatever.

Finally, I can't ever experience this time of year without thinking of the glorious time I got to spend as Ralph Herdman in "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" and how much fun that was. I think my favorite part of the whole thing is when Gladys runs in, as the angel, and yells "HEY! UNTO YOU A CHILD IS BORN!"

Because ultimately, that's the message of Christmas. A series of events that would forever change everything. And it all started with that proclamation.

Merry Christmas!
-chanchan

Don't Be An Idiot

This post is mostly meant to psych me up for the next seven days.

Sometimes I reflect on advice people have given me. Some of this is good advice and some of this is bad advice. They both tend to be comical at times, but the truth underneath it is undeniable. I honestly can't recall the worst advice anyone ever gave me, but when I think about the best advice anyone has ever given me, I think back to the summer of 2007 when I served on Summer Staff at Malibu in Egmont, British Columbia. That's where Kristin Barwick told me "Don't be a idiot." (Yes, she said "don't be a idiot" not "an idiot") And as I sit here staring finals down, knowing myself, these words ring incredibly true.

Don't be an idiot.

What spurred this post is irrelevant. The thing I have to remember about these next 7 days is that I really do, truly, honestly believe that I am where God has me in life. Yeah, finals will be tough, yeah, I did a great deal of procrastinating during the semester, and yeah, I've probably made it a little bit more difficult than it needs to be, but it's still doable. But in this time, I can't be an idiot. Yes, I would probably rather play video games or watch TV. Yes, I would probably rather read some of the books I've bought lately NOT for school. Yes, I would probably rather spend time with my friends or playing outside with the dogs. Yes, I would probably rather be doing anything right now but studying. But it's a week. One week. One week where I know what needs to get done, one week to finish strong.

Don't be an idiot.

Yes, I tend to get worked up/freaked out/upset about little things that people probably shouldn't get worked up/freaked out/upset about. This is not the time for that. Situations will work themselves out.

But the biggest part about "don't be an idiot," to me, right now, is that at times like this I typically tend to not trust God at all. I mean, that's where the freak out stuff comes from. Because I think the way I want things to happen is the way they SHOULD happen, and then when they don't work out that way (or work out that way as quickly as I'd like them to) I lose my mind. Which is why this extends beyond finals and into every aspect of my life. So, when I think about the best way that "don't be an idiot" applies to my life, it just speaks to the idea that I would trust in myself, the neurotic, sometimes-lazy, frequent jerk who is quick to speak and maybe quicker to anger over the sovereign God who sees and knows all, who intimately knows me in ways I don't know myself, who planned this very moment and sees my life 5, 10, 15, and 50 years down the road. The God who knows my wife already, knows what my kids will look like, knows the next car I'll get, knows all of the things I have pent up inside me that may never see the light of day but loves me anyway. And the God who, for some reason, called me to this very time.

So why do I worry? It reminds me of Jon Foreman's song "Your Love is Strong" - Why do I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need...and he's promised to give it to me. I can stand on that promise, knowing it won't always be easy, but knowing that God is good. And he has a plan through all of this.

Don't be an idiot.

Until next time,
-chanchan

PS - listening to Gillian Welch's "Revival" - fan-freaking-tastic album. Love it.

Redemption...or...something

I'm a sports fan. This shouldn't come as a shocking revelation to anyone that knows me, but in case it does serve as a shocking revelation to anyone, I'm just laying it out there. I love sports, particularly basketball and football. I dabble a little in baseball and will occasionally watch golf if the storylines are compelling behind whatever tournament is on. A little while back, I asked myself "why?" Why do I like sports so much? Why am I perfectly content with spending an entire Saturday and an entire Sunday doing nothing but watching football? Why am I willing to drive 2 and a half hours to Oxford to watch a 2 hour basketball game and drive 2 and a half hours back home in the same day? And the thing is, I really don't have an answer. Part of it is because I grew up playing sports. From September to July every year, I spent my time playing basketball then moving on to baseball. I was never really a stand out at anything, but I just liked playing.

But for the last couple of years, my interest in sports piqued to a whole new level. When I think back over the last few years, as it pertains to sports, there have been a couple of incredibly compelling stories. To me, Josh Hamilton's story is probably the best story in all of sports. There are a lot of good ones to choose from, and a lot of stories that resonate with me (I mean, come on. I practically WAS Rudy for my high school basketball team. But being one of the worst players on a Mississippi private school basketball team doesn't hold the same appeal as being a walk on for one of the most storied programs in college football) but the story of Josh Hamilton is incredible. Here you have a guy who literally had everything at his disposal. He was one of the top baseball players in his draft class and was considered a once in a lifetime talent. Then he got hooked on drugs and was literally homeless for a little while, then came to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, cleaned his life up, and now is one of the best players in Major League Baseball. On top of that, he's not perfect. So many times we hold these guys (athletes, singers, actors, pastors, whatever...) to a standard no one except for Christ himself could uphold. But when he does screw up, he admits it. And he isn't ashamed to talk about Christ through all of it.

But why does that story touch me in such a way? Simple: redemption. And it's not just about sports. I've never met the guy, but I'm sure Josh Hamilton would tell you that if you took the baseball, the money, the fame, and all that away, as long as he still had Christ he'd be fine. But the redemptive aspect of his story rings true in all of us. We WANT a guy like that to succeed, because it gives us hope in our own lives.

It's the same reason we love the story of the Prodigal Son. We've all been there - maybe it wasn't drugs. Maybe it was sex. Pornography. Alcohol. Depression. Broken relationships. We've all been there - hopeless, lost, and past the point of "trying harder." We've reached the point where we've given up all hope and understood the weight of our own brokenness and come to the realization that there's nothing we can do about it.

The beauty about that situation for Christians is that we realize there never was anything we could do about it. It's not about whether or not we can pull ourselves back up by our bootstraps, but it's about what Christ did on the cross for us. We can't exactly explain it, but it comes down to what Josh Hamilton said about his own story - "It's a God thing." The Prodigal Son remembered his father's goodness and knew that even his servants ate and lived better than he was. He knew he wasn't worthy to be called his father's son anymore, but knew his father to be a compassionate man and hoped for the chance.

So, yeah, we want that story to be true. We want those things to happen, because they give us hope. As much as I love seminary, I get caught up in it a lot of times and forget those times when things seemed hopeless and only Christ would be my way out. I like the thought of being able to sound smart and theologize this and rationalize that so much that I often forget that it's not about being smarter or theologizing or rationalizing. It's about faith - faith in God, faith in Christ - and trusting in him and him alone. I think one of the most profound statements in the Bible is in the story of the blind man in John 9. Jesus heals the guy, giving him sight for the first time. When the Pharisees got a hold of him and questioned him about it, they asked if Jesus was a sinner. The blind man responded in John 9:25 saying "Whether he is a sinner, I do not know. One thing I know, that though I was blind, now I see."

I don't know. Maybe this whole thing is a stretch. Maybe finals and papers have fried my brain in such a way that literally anything would make sense right now (wouldn't be the first time...) but seeing stories of redemption like that awaken something in me. Something I want and need to believe is true. And something that I know is true.

-chanchan