Easter Weekend...

So I started writing this earlier but it kind of turned into a Rob Bell/emerging church bashing post so I deleted it. This is my second attempt:

Good Friday. I think it's pretty ironic that we call it "good" because at the time it was the single most hopeless day in the history of the world. Despite telling the disciples what the deal was going to be, the warnings never took and they watched the guy that was to be their savior, their messiah die the death of a criminal. These guys had left their entire lives, their families, their jobs, their friends, their hometowns…everything. And it hinged on this one guy who was up on a cross. And he died.

Then, you have Easter Sunday. The Resurrection. I think my favorite Gospel account of that morning is the one in Luke 24 where the angel approaches the women and asks "Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here - he has risen!" How incredible is that? He isn't dead - he's alive.

And the thing about the Resurrection is that it is THE central truth, reality, point, whatever you want to call it - it is THE center to everything we, as Christians, do. There's a movement out there, in Christianity, that is trying to discount the importance of the Resurrection. Really it's trying to discount the centrality of Christ to the Gospel, but the Resurrection has come under attack. But it bears the question - what if, on your death bed, you found out that atheism were true. There was no God, and Christ, at best, was a really good teacher who had a few good stories about him embellished and he never rose from the dead. Would you look at your life and say "oh, well, I led a good life. I was nice to people, I gave my money and possessions away, so I'm satisfied" or would you be in agony? Would you think that you wasted your entire life? Paul says that if Christ didn't rise again - if there is no resurrection of the dead - then our entire faith is in vain. This is the central piece to our faith.

Anyway, these are just some thoughts I've put together. I knew I wanted to write something about Easter on Good Friday, and at the very least I hope this was coherent. I just know one thing to be true - somewhere in the Middle East there is a tomb that once held a dead body, but after three days, that dead man got up and walked out of the tomb, and because of that we have hope. Because of that, we have life.

I pray for myself that I would always remember this - that everything in life is about proclaiming the resurrected Christ.

-chanchan

Who I Am

Normally when I make a post on here, I'll link it to Facebook and Twitter, but I think I'll probably keep this one on the down low…which I mean I guess people might read it anyway but it's not me broadcasting it to the world in the way that I normally do. Maybe I will though. I haven't decided yet.

Part of asking God to reveal certain ways about me has led to a few revelations. One of which I shared in my last post about how I always try to find ways to be miserable. I'm happy to say that since I realized that, I have recognized several opportunities I had to feel miserable and I took those thoughts captive and did not allow it. So I'm kind of excited about that.

But, the other thing that I have just now realized - I am who I am. My past is what it is. And, honestly, it's a little boring. I didn't drink in high school. I didn't smoke weed. I've never had sex. I didn't even struggle with profanity until I got to college, and even now, I don't exactly curse like a sailor. I went to church, went to Young Life, listened most of the time, and outside of being cynical, didn't really cause a lot of trouble.

I don't say any of that to brag on myself, because I have my struggles. I know my heart and I know that, as it says in Jeremiah 17:9, my heart is deceitful and desperately sick. But, I guess I'm writing this to say I'm not embarrassed. In the past, when people have told stories about sitting around getting drunk or getting high or sleeping around I've felt the need to throw in some story about how I did something stupid once too, even if it doesn't relate. It's almost like it was awkward to me that I didn't get drunk and hook up with a random girl every weekend in high school and college.

But part of this process 0f growing up involves realizing who I am and where I've been and what I've done. I've been labeled a goody-goody, and you know what? It may be true. And…I'm OK with that.

I don't want this to come off as self-righteous. Believe me I know what a screw up I am and I know my thoughts. But I'm coming to terms with who I am. I'm unbelievably lazy at times, I'm out of shape, I eat terrible food, and I struggle mightily with some pretty embarrassing things. Those things just don't happen to be alcohol or drugs or sex. And I'm going to try to not be so freaking awkward about that anymore. Or…maybe just embrace the awkwardness that inherently comes with it. I don't know.

Also, I'm finally writing songs! I've got three going right now - one is a project with Ben, Micah, and Boudreaux, and the other two are almost completely written and I'm somewhat pleased with them. I have a fourth in the works, too. So I'm pretty stoked about it. Anyway, I'm out. Gots to sleep.

Awkwardly,

Chandler

Thoughts From a Sleepless Thursday Morning

I was woken up this morning at 7:45 by a text message I received. Normally I put my phone on silent when I go to sleep but I was expecting a call this morning, but I was thinking more in the 11-12 range. Instead, 7:45. So I laid in bed for a while, couldn't go back to sleep, got up, played some Battlefield: Bad Company 2, then got bored with it so I figured I'd do some writing. Haven't done it in a few weeks and there are some things on my mind.

First off, I have a job. At least I'm on a test run for a job. I'm going to be working with the sports ministry at Ridgecrest Baptist Church in Madison, which is really exciting for several different reasons. I'm getting a chance to work with some close friends, I'm getting a chance to work in ministry, I'm getting a chance to work around sports, and…money. It's not about the money and it's not much money, but it's a start. So I'm excited for that.

Next, I've got a cool opportunity to start playing music with some pretty cool guys. I'm playing a little banjo, a little guitar, and doing a little singing. We're apparently working on writing some stuff and I have some ideas bouncing around in my mind, but true to form I'm dealing with some extreme frustration in getting those ideas from my brain to paper in a form that is singable or poetic or whatever. But either way I'm having a great time with it.

I've realized something about myself that is a bit disheartening and it ties in with something that I have been dealing with through my classes in seminary. Last night I was doing some praying and was thinking about Psalm 139:23-24, which reads:

"Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting!"

So every now and then when you pray things God answers you. Crazy how that works. Through a few situations last night God put it on my heart that I try to find ways to be miserable. It's like when things are going well I try to find something to be jealous about or focus on something I don't have rather than the gifts I have been given. That's not exactly a great thing to realize about yourself, but coming to that realization is a pretty significant thing. And I started to think to myself…"what am I doing to take control of these thoughts and situations to make them better?" Which is where it ties in to some of the things I've been dealing with through class. For several years I've had my own ideas about sanctification - and by that I mean the process of becoming holy. More Christlike. That kind of thing. Whether it came from bad teaching or my own faulty interpretation I came to realize that this process is not something that just happens. It's not something that we just sit around and wait for the Spirit to move and then we're just magically more like Christ. I mean, there is a certain aspect of sanctification that is up to the Spirit, but I'm starting to realize it's a cooperative process and I mean in more ways than just making yourself available. We are to crucify our flesh, and I realized that instead of taking an active fight against the sin in my life, I've been buying in to the "Let Go and Let God" mentality, and I just don't think that is entirely Biblical. Again, there is some truth to it, but I think with the way that it's taught in a lot of circles right now is just leading to this lazy, passive Christianity that isn't really Christianity at all. That's another topic for another day, but the point of this is just the realization that our faith is not a noun. It's not just this thing that we have that we just kind of sit around and hope it grows. It's more of a verb than anything - it's something we do, something we have to tend to every day. I'm coming to this realization and it's rocking my world more or less. I think part of what I'm talking about can be explained like this. Imagine a couple - a guy and a girl. They want to be Christians, they want to be holy, but they are in love (or whatever) and do what people in love do. Now, they may pray on their own (or even together) that they would be pure with God and pure with each other, they may be "presenting" it to God, but the fact is if they are constantly finding themselves in situations where it's just the two of them alone in a dark room at night, eventually they're going to slip up. That's just how people are wired. James tells us in 1:22-25:

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.

I can't just sit around and hear the great things the Bible says and then just blow them off. God's Word demands a response - I have to act on it. For example, the couple in the aforementioned illustration has to understand 1 Corinthians 6:18. They have to hear it. But not only that, they have to DO it. And it's like that with every passage in the Bible - it demands a response. People don't encounter Jesus and then sit around and wait for the Spirit to move.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts on a restless morning. Maybe I'll get a chance this afternoon to catch up on some sleep but I'm not holding my breath.

William C. Rowlen (that's how I sign things sometimes…ha)

Birthday Reflections

So I turned 25 today. Not going to lie - I was feeling kind of bummed out when I got up to go to class so I was definitely dragging. But right as I was getting on I-55, my iPod settled on a song that I haven't heard in a while - "Tomorrow is Another Day" by MXPX. When I was younger, I thought it was just fun pop-punk music to listen to but today the lyrics really set in to me in a way they haven't really done so before, and then that got me to thinking about what my five favorite albums of my previous 25 years would be…so I thought about it a lot and this is what I came up with.

5. The Ataris - So Long, Astoria


When I got it: Summer after senior year of high school
Favorite song(s): Radio #2, Summer '79, Takeoffs and Landings

I got this album at a CD store in Seaside, Florida during "first week," which is the time honored tradition where Northeast Jackson high school students went down to Destin, Florida for a week's worth of high school debauchery. My close friends and I weren't so inclined so we pretty much spent the week on the beach outside of the "senior house" playing guitar and skimboarding. So one night we headed down to Seaside for dinner and my friend Jordan and I went to the CD store and I stumbled across this album. I knew the song "Radio #2" from a movie soundtrack I had, and "In This Diary" was kind of big at the time, so I bought it and good grief did I listen to the crap out of it. It really hit close to home - the whole album's recurring theme seems to be about the point and time in your life when you grow up and leave home - which is exactly what we were in the middle of doing. We pretty much rocked out to that thing all week long. Also, it featured a great cover of Don Henley's "The Boys of Summer" that was pretty awesome.

4. The Avett Brothers - Emotionalism


When I got it: Spring of my senior year of college
Favorite song(s): Paranoia in Bb Major, Die Die Die, Shame, Go to Sleep, In the Curve

OK so a little backstory. I'd been hearing some things about The Avett Brothers for a while. They had even played at Double Decker the year before, but I didn't go because I didn't know who they were (and I was also really tired). But I had heard about them from several friends and I randomly was in the car with my friend Emily and she was playing it and my first thought was "OMG I have to get this." So I burned it from her and listened to it nonstop. Even now, the songs I listed as my favorites are ones I spend lots of time listening to and playing on the guitar and (hopefully again soon) the banjo. Which touches on something completely else - they inspired me to pick up a new instrument that was WAY more fun than I ever thought it would have been. Plus it opened up the door for several other bands in a genre I hadn't really listened to before, like Old Crow Medicine Show, Carolina Chocolate Drops, Yonder Mountain String Band, and Mumford & Sons. I know those aren't all exactly the same genre, but I think it's safe to say that I wouldn't have given them much of a chance if not for Seth, Scott, and Bob. Also, not to mention I have now seen them in concert and I own all of their albums.

3. Relient K - The Anatomy of the Tongue in Cheek


When I got it: I'm going to guess it was around tenth grade but I'm not 100% sure on that…it came out in 2001
Favorite song(s): Pressing on, Sadie Hawkins Dance, Maybe It's Maybeline, For the Moments I Feel Faint

This one came at a time when I was messing around with a few friends playing music…can't really call them bands but it was fun. The music was fun and catchy, not to mention incredibly encouraging. "Pressing On" was awesome - such a positive, upbeat message and a song that was relatively easy to play even though it sounded super cool. This was also a gateway album in that it led me to be a huge fan of the band in general (for example, I probably couldn't tell you another Ataris song besides the ones on So Long).

2. MXPX - Slowly Going the Way of the Buffalo


When I got it: gosh…like eighth grade? I can't even remember
Favorite song(s): Under Lock and Key, Tomorrow's Another Day, I'm OK, You're OK, Cold and All ALone, Party, My House, Be There, Set the Record Straight…gosh who am I kidding? Every one of them

This one really should be 1b. to 1a., which I will name next. There is nothing else to say than this album is incredible. This came during my formative years…I was like…13 when I got this one? I don't remember but it was still during my mall rat days. At the time, it was just loud music, but as I've grown up and reflected on the lyrics and stuff…man it's good. And though I'm sure the songs aren't necessarily as theologically accurate as they should be, it was awesome to me because it was good Christian music that wasn't like…mainstream stuff. Which is not to say I am against mainstream music but it was at a time when I was getting really frustrated with Christian music so it was awesome to have stuff I could really relate to.


1. Five Iron Frenzy - Proof that the Youth are Revolting


When I got it: Summer after senior year
Favorite song(s): All of them

I literally love every song on this album. Even though it's a live recording, it's still awesome because you get a feel for who the members of FIF are as people. And they are hilarious. Which, again, came at an important time in my life. I was moving on to college and finding upbeat, fun, good, encouraging music was really important at the time. Not to mention stuff that was pretty much an in-your-face affirmation of what I believed. This was also a gateway album because now I have every single FIF album and I have branched out to a few other ska acts and now I feel like I genuinely love the genre and hope it will one day return.

So there's my list. These aren't necessarily my favorite bands (although 3 of them are) or albums that I feel like are necessarily the best (Emotionalism I think is one of the best albums of the last few years for sure though) but it's just stuff that came along at just the right time in my life and showed me some things I didn't know that really helped me out.

So there ya go.
-Chanchan

Odds and Ends

I really need to get to sleep because I have to get up at 6:30 or so tomorrow morning for my first full day of seminary. And by full I mean 8 to 8. So yeah...gonna be a long day.

But for whatever reason I feel compelled to write tonight, so I guess I will.

I finally feel like things are legitimately going well. Not perfect, because things never are, and honestly certain things could be a heck of a lot better. Particularly family health issues. I'm kind of in a tough place with that. And here's why: my grandmother has had alzheimer's for a while now. She's gotten to the point where she really has no idea who anyone is or what's going on. And then she got sick, some kind of pneumonia or something. And so, I'm sitting here thinking...what am I supposed to think right now? It's tough, because if she gets better from the pneumonia (which she is showing some signs of improving), she goes right back to the nursing home where she doesn't know anyone or anything. And if she doesn't, she suffers for a while and then dies. So it's just kind of like...what do you do? Especially when you KNOW that relief comes in death, because she's definitely a Christian and lived a long life of service to Christ. So it's just a really difficult situation to be in. And I know that should he decide to, God can restore her health fully. Memory back, health back, everything. So all I can really say right now is just that I trust in God to do what He's gonna do. His ways are not mine and sometimes we just have to accept that there are things beyond our comprehension, because he promises us in Romans 8:28 that "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

Moving away from Oxford was the smartest decision I have made in a long time. It's a great place, and now that I'm gone I've struck such a healthy balance with it. I can go up for games or for a night or so and come back home the next day and I don't have to walk back into things that were going on up there. And it's funny how you like a place a lot more when you actually feel welcome there, which definitely was not the case the last few months. In relation to that, I have been praying a lot for God to heal some stuff, I guess you could say wounds, from the way stuff ended up there. Mostly for the strength to forgive. I can't do it on my own, I know that for sure.

Another thing I've been thinking of a lot is John 3:17. Not 3:16, 3:17. 3:16 gets a lot of hype (and deservedly so - it sums up the Gospel almost entirely in just a few words), but 3:17 is also beautiful. It says: "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him." I was at a Bible study Tuesday morning and we had a prayer time where we put on some music and just prayed, and during one of the songs the singer spoke John 3:16 and then I started thinking about 3:17. And I started to wonder - does my life reflect John 3:17? What I mean by that is, as Christians, we have truth. We know the way, the truth, and the life. And yet we walk around with a condemning spirit towards things that are wrong. It's easier to tell sinners they are going to hell if they don't stop what they are doing. And that is true - they will. But that's not the attitude we are to have. We have the truth that we may share it with others - not so that we can run around condemning everything. I could write a ton more about that but for the time being I won't.

Finally, I used to hate Christian music. I mean, I thought it was cheesy and boring and all that, but through my experience of leading worship (weird, right? I hated the music but I led worship. It doesn't make sense) I've realized how beautiful praise songs are. Even if it's not a "great" song, just the magnitude of praising God to music is amazing. It's an incredible gift He's given us. I mean, a ton of the Old Testament was written to be sung. So that's pretty cool. And no, I'm probably not ever going to be the kind of person that is going to pop in a praise CD and listen to it like 24/7 and I probably won't listen to Christian radio, (I might if I ever get satellite radio, but I just hate the radio besides ESPN radio) but I definitely appreciate it more than ever before. And it's definitely good to have a meditation time or a quiet time or whatever where you just play some soft music to set the mood and think about Christ.

And to expand on the above, I love hymns. "Come Thou Fount," "What Wondrous Love Is This," "For All The Saints," and "On Jordan's Stormy Banks I Stand" are some of my favorites. Hymns are so cool for several reasons...they have stood the test of time for one. But in a time where everything we believe comes into question, (it's the postmodern age, duh) it's great to sing the old hymns that boldly proclaim what we believe. The new songs definitely have a place, too, but there's something about proclaiming "A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing!" I mean, I got chills just typing that. It's just a proclamation of what we believe, and again, it's set to music. I think it's pretty cool.

So...I've stayed up too late yet again, but my itch to write has been scratched for the time being. I'll leave you (to anyone who might accidentally stumble across this) with a blessing:

Numbers 6:24-26:
The Lord bless you and keep you
the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you
the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.

-chanchan

The Mundane

I have come to the realization that my walk with Christ struggles more in the mundane times than it does in any other time. The last several months have really proven that for me.

When things are good, I find it easy to walk with Christ because I can be mindful of the good things going on and constantly be thankful. Take last summer for example. I had a job (or two) and a solid group of friends to hang out with pretty much all the time. Stuff was just generally pretty good, and my walk with Christ was solid. When things are bad, I find it makes way more sense to walk with Christ because I feel a need for him more. I feel the constant need to present things and be mindful of the fact that He has plans for me. I don't know, it's kind of hard to explain. But it's just like with a friend - when things are going well, you're just glad to be in their presence. When things are going bad, you know how badly you need them.

But when things are just kind of boring, I lose sight of it. I know I have a lot to look forward to, but I wish I could just jump ahead even just one week to be able to get into something. But when you're just kind of stuck somewhere with no real options, it gets rough.

So, yeah. This wasn't as insightful as I'd hoped it would be, but I'm just processing some stuff right now. I feel pretty confident that they will.

Goodbye, Oxford

My time here is finally coming to a close. I got here in the fall of 2003 as an 18 year old freshman and I'm leaving in the winter of 2009 as a college graduate. Thankfully, I have avoided becoming an Oxford "local," and while I am sad to leave some people behind, I am unbelievably ready to get out of this town.

Oxford has been quite a place to me and for me over the years. I'm definitely a different person now than I was when I got here. I have a better grasp on the concept of grace (I still can't claim to fully understand it - no one can - and part of that is having a hard time showing grace to others), and I truly know what it means to walk with Christ. I have been enthusiastic about things and completely and totally apathetic about things. My career path has stayed pretty much the same - a desire for ministry, although how that desire will come to fruition is still up in the air. There was that day or so (literally) I considered law school but obviously decided against that one.

I've been a lot of places. Colorado, Missouri, Washington, Canada, Texas, Arkansas, South Carolina, North Carolina, Florida, Tennessee, New Mexico, Alabama, Georgia...maybe even some places I've forgotten between here and there. The one thing, maybe the only thing, I remember about those places are the people I was there with. Thinking back to road games for football, I rarely saw my Rebels win a game (my record for road games was 5-15), but none of that mattered. I couldn't even remember that off the top of my head, but for each one of those trips to SEC stadiums I remember hilarious stories from road trips and game nights with random people. For example, I can't remember for the life of me the score from the Tennessee game we wet to a few years ago, but I definitely remember going into the Bi-Lo and buying every bit of Cheerwine they had. I remember the Mexican restaurant we ate at and I remember playing Cranium with one of my camp friend's roommates and their Young Life team (which, for the record, was the best non-camp Young Life community I have ever been around, contrary to other people's claims. You could just feel the love - and we were complete and total strangers.) Stories like that bring a smile to my face.

Speaking of trips, I think back to Malibu all the time and the crazy road I took to get there. I remember laying in bed, recovering from ACL surgery, reading Through Painted Deserts and thinking "man, I need to do something crazy." And then I signed up to go to camp for a month in another country with a group of people I've never met and man...I have never been the same. I have seen some of the most beautiful things God has ever created, I have experienced community like never before, and I grew in my relationship with Christ like never before. I mean, I experienced God for sure at Discipleship Focus in Missouri, and those were experiences all their own, but not like at Malibu. Never before have I experienced the body of Christ coming together for the common goal of showing Christ to one another and to high school students. And the thing about that experience is that I saw what it was like to live in a community that truly loved one another - even when we didn't necessarily get along - and our ministry simply became the overflow of our community. And I think that's what the body of Christ is all about. And along with Malibu, I'm reminded of the times I saw my Malibu friends, whether it was weekend road trips or our reunion in Washington (best New Year's ever, by the way).

Not all of the great memories were in mythical, faraway lands though. For some reason the one thing that sticks out in my memory is the night that Taylor Sledge, Matthew Coker, and I sat out on Sledge's car port/side patio and ate pizza and just hung out. The more I think about it, the more memories like that come to my mind. I've spent nights out on the Square, I've spent nights in the Grove, but those things didn't stick with me. It was the little things with my close friends - with the people I am looking forward to living near again. On paper, two and a half hours isn't too far and football weekends are great times to catch up, but when it comes down to it they aren't.

The biggest part of my life over the past several years has been Young Life. I have truly bittersweet feelings about leaving it behind, but I know it is the right thing to do. I will try my best to focus only on the good memories (an Avett Brothers song comes to mind - "One Line Wonder.") And I'll definitely miss my guys - Jon O., Billy, Bodie, Sumner, Stewart, Matt, Reed...I hate listing names because I know I'll leave people out. And even the guys who came before them. But those guys will always hold a special place in my heart because I met most of them when they were freshmen and now they're seniors and seeing the growth and fruit in their lives has been incredible. I know they aren't perfect, but it's amazing seeing the change and growth. On top of that, they are definitely guys I consider friends for life. And it's always sad to leave friends behind.

It's hard to believe that come Sunday afternoon, I will put my Oxford residency behind me. I'm ready for it, though. And I can look back and see that God has made good on his promises to me. Times weren't always easy - I still struggle with some of the things I came in struggling with, I had bouts with depression and loneliness, there were times when nothing seemed clear, and heartbreak. Oh the heartbreak. But I know that I am a better person for all of that. And so as I willingly and excitedly close the chapter on this phase of my life, I just reaffirm Jeremiah 29:11:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

It's been quite a journey, and it's funny because when I made up this account I titled my blog "The Ramblings of a Wayward Son," but now I'm going home. I'm not quite a prodigal, but at times it feels like it. And the warm embrace of family and friends waits for me back home. I am thankful for that and can't wait for it to finally happen.

Until next time,
Chandler

Facebook

So...if anybody actually reads this, you may realize you're one friend short on Facebook. You've probably also noticed a drastic drop in people updating their Facebook status. That's because I quit. I don't know how long it's going to be for, but I'm taking some time off Facebook. It's just a waste of time for me right now. I don't work all the time, and on the days I don't work I typically sit around on Facebook and do nothing all day. I sit on the couch all day long and check Facebook every 5 minutes. I look at pictures of certain people and wonder what could have been and get depressed. I look at people I don't know well and get bothered by that. I mean, it's just a lot of absurd stuff nobody should ever do, that I do all the time.

So, what's the point? I don't know, actually. I just felt like it was the right thing to do. I'll probably be back on it eventually, although quitting it for good would be nice. But hopefully I can achieve a few things during this time. First, I can stop feeling sorry for myself. Hopefully I can just let some things be and not abuse myself in those ways. Second, instead of Facebook creeping on people, I can take some time to actually get to know them instead of checking the 'book to find things out. Finally, maybe I can get off my butt and do stuff. I've got a couple of books I'd like to read, I've got some weight I'd like to lose, and I've got some people I want to get to know better. So maybe I can accomplish that stuff? We'll see.

Anyway, that's just what's on my mind. Maybe this will lead to some more blogging? That would be exciting, too.

Another Football Post...

...but this one's different.

Alright, so I enjoy college football. I'm an Ole Miss fan, and that is completely 100% miserable, but I've been thinking about some things lately. Donald Miller's new book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, has really weighed on my heart and I'd dare say even convicted me in a way a book besides the Bible has never done.

I mean, I look at what I did today, and really how much of a waste it was. The things that are truly important happened before and after the game anyway, and that is in reference to the time spent with friends and family. And then look at the other stuff - we actually tell other fans to "go to hell" and don't think twice. Seriously? That's ridiculous. I mean I know it's "just a saying" but just the thought of that is absurd. Then I think about the ridiculous arguments (and near fights) I've gotten in over football. Sports in general. I mean, I get in arguments with people about a GAME going on that I have NO CONTROL WHATSOEVER over.

Don't get me wrong. I love Ole Miss, and I enjoy football. Hopefully I always will. But I remember 5 years ago (give or take a year or two) when I literally hung on every move the football team made.

But my question comes down to this. What eternal significance does a football game have? There are a lot of things I do with my life that don't have eternal significance, but rarely does one event dominate an entire weekend the way football does. This isn't "oh, well, I don't want to do my homework so I'll just say it's not eternal so I don't have to do something I don't want to do" but it's "oh, I like doing this and I enjoy doing this but I'm having some serious questions as to what good this does for anything."

What does it do? It brings out the worst in me. I mean, I'm competitive for sure, so obviously a competitive event is going to bring out that side of me. But when it's an event that I have no control over, so that brings out the worst in me. I just don't know what good it does.

I guess I said all this just to get to this point. I was thinking about it tonight and I told God if He wanted me to give up college football, I'm ready. I've let it get in the way of so many things in my life and I don't think I want that to happen anymore.

Oh, and I completely forgot that I referenced Donald Miller's book. Basically, just like the rest of his books have an underlying theme that ties it all together, the theme for the newest book is storytelling. We all tell stories in our lives, and I'm not sure if I want a recurring story in my life to be sitting/standing in a football stadium every Saturday for my whole live.

I have no idea what any of this means, but God really put it on my heart a few weeks ago (I've talked to a few people about this so it's not like I randomly had some spiritual revelation after the Alabama game today) but it's something I've been thinking about and am beginning to pray about. I'm willing to walk away from it if God calls me to do so.

We'll see what happens.

College Football

I haven't updated in a while so I figured why not make a college football post? I mean, if I got to pick any job ever writing about sports would be near the top, and I don't ever do anything anyway, so might as well, right? Anyways I guess I just have some observations from the weekend that was in college football.

First, Ole Miss looked bad. I was getting pretty geared up for the game after driving all night (and taking the long way since we weren't aware I-20 was opened back up from the Atlanta floods) and I felt like if we would 1. play great defense and 2. not turn the ball over we'd win the game fairly easily. We succeeded with #1, not so much with #2. The offense didn't do anything right, really. OL play was bad, QB play was bad, playcalling was bad, and Dexter McCluster didn't hardly touch the ball until the 4th quarter. That boy needs lots and lots of touches. If Darren Sproles can be an every down back in the NFL, Dexter can be an every down back in the SEC. Yeah, he'll take some hits, but right now he's our only offense. None of that is anything people didn't already know, but what made me mad was the idiot State, Southern, LSU, and other SEC fans in general (as well as the rest of the sports media world) spewing all the crap about the most overrated #4 team ever. Was Ole Miss ever the 4th best team in the country? Nope. I thought Ole Miss realistically should have been where we are now, and that's in the #18-#21 range. The ridiculous thing is not one word has been mentioned about how overrated Cal, Penn State, Ohio State, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, or USC were to start the season. I mean, shoot, for as bad as the aforementioned morons (read: State fans, Southern fans, LSU fans, etc.) made that game out to sound, Ole Miss was never out of the game and had a chance to win right down to the very last play. I would have loved to have seen Penn State's kicker attempt a 12 point field goal, or Cal's Jahvid Best score a 33 point touchdown. Did the Ole Miss loss suck? Yes. But to act like it was this horrible, gut-wrenching loss that somehow set the program back 50 years and ended the season and somehow made us the most overrated team ever, well, that's just stupid. Yeah, we were bad, no, there's no excuse, but that happens. Not as annually as USC's losses to bad PAC-10 teams, but it happens. This week in Nashville makes me nervous because we're like 2-3 the last 5 times we've played Vanderbilt. They have a bad offense. So do we.

Second, I literally laughed out loud at every single status update that mentioned how proud people were of their precious Bulldogs or Golden Eagles. Hey, guess what, y'all looked bad too, and in more ways than one. State, LSU tried every chance they had to give you the game and you just wouldn't take it. Plus, your offensive guru of a head coach couldn't score with 4 inches to go. Dan Mullen is every bit as over his head as Ed Orgeron was as a head coach. Their secondary sucks, the offensive line is pitiful, and they don't have a quarterback. I don't follow State's recruiting that closely, but State's always had trouble getting good quarterbacks. Not to mention your uniforms look like something out of C-USA. Which brings me to Southern. Those uniforms are awful. But, hey, when you are screaming for attention the way Larry Fedora is every time he gets on a microphone, you have to do something that stands out. Otherwise you're just another non-BCS team that a crappy Big XII North team beat. Congrats.

Third, the Big 10(+1) is the worst BCS conference. Worse than the Big East. What do you get when you take Florida's offense and put a bunch of slow white boys from the Midwest in there where Tim Tebow and Chris Rainey are supposed to go? Michigan (who shouldn't be ranked). Terrelle Pryor is a pitiful passer. Penn State has beaten 3 nobodies and lost to an average team (sound familiar?). Big 10(+1) football is incredibly painful to watch, yet somehow they have enough clout to throw their weight around to still be a BCS conference. How that happens, I'll never know. But here's to hoping Iowa wins the league and gets the chance to play with the big boys. That will be fun to watch.

Fourth, Notre Dame sucks too. How they began the season ranked in the top 25 is beyond me, Jimmy Clausen is bad and they don't/can't play defense. Plus Charlie Weis still pisses me off.

Fifth, as far as the SEC goes, it's looking like it'll be Alabama/Florida again in the SEC championship game. Alabama has a great defense but I still think their offense is suspect. If Saban had the same confidence in his team this year as he did last year, he wouldn't be getting fancy with the Wildcat or the pistol in his offense. They're gonna play a good team eventually.

Whatever. Those were just some thoughts. Regardless of how "proud" fans at other Mississippi schools are of losing, hopefully next week the entire state of Mississippi won't be quite as embarrassing.